How do you even dress yourself in the morning? Internet queries

[Rugsrat]

Now, from my previous posts, you might now be aware that I work in the cellphone department at a store whose name rhymes with "Ball Fart". And we get some very interesting characters.

No. I don't.

Now, recently, we started a sale on iPhone 3GS's, that is, they were only 97 dollars if you're eligible for a 2-year upgrade (for existing customers) or if you're opening a new contract.

Well, we ran out. So I made a sign that said in VERY large font: "ALL iPhones are currently out of stock. We're sorry for the inconvenience and will have them back in stock as soon as we can." I plastered these things all over the place. First question I get?

Of course: "Do you have the iPhone in stock?"

No. You have to pay for it before you can use it.

So, I help out the rest of the electronics department, because we're in the same area, and hey, I know my way around the basic computer stuff.

SC: So, I want to set up wireless internet. Where are your routers?

Me: Right behind you. (Indeed, the routers are just a little behind my kiosk, if you'd use your eyes, you'd see that. But since you seem intelligent, I'll give the benefit of the doubt).

SC: Thanks.

After about two minutes of staring at the routers dumbly, they'll usually come back over to me with a blank expression.

Me: So, first question: Do you already get internet service?

SC: No. But won't the router get me internet?

Me: No. You'll have to contact your local cable or phone provider to see about getting a high-speed internet setup, then get a router to make that connection wireless.

Variation on a theme:

SC: I want a router.

Me: Do you already have internet service?

SC: Yes, but I can't connect to it. There's a password.

Me: So... it's not YOUR internet connection?

SC: No. It's my neighbors, but the router will let me connect, right?

Me: No. You'll have to ask them for the password, find a way to hack it, which is illegal, or pay for your own internet.


Long story short: Routers will NOT give you free internet, you dolt! My job is not to help you steal internet.

Laptop question:

SC: Is it wireless?

Me: Yes, as long as there's wireless signals broadcasting in your area, you should be able to get online.

SC: so... it won't give me the internet?

*double facepalm*

For that matter, all laptops made within the last... 6 years are wireless ready. But you STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR DAMN INTERNET ACCESS (or go to a place that provides it free to patrons.)

Return Woe

15 day return policy on computers. 15. There's even stickers right on the boxes for desktops. And as someone in Electronics, whenever there's a return, one of us has to trek up to the service desk to match the serial numbers on the receipt to the box, to the item itself. (not sure why management insists on this, it's so not rocket science to match the numbers).

Anyway, this woman comes in, no reciept, so they print it for her. Guess what, it's been 17 days.

But like a trained monkey, they call me up to the service desk, and I see that yeah, it matches, but what good'll that do?

SC1: It runs slow, we want a refund.

Me: I'm sorry, but the return policy on computers is 15 days. It even says so here on your box.

SC2: I can read. We want our money back.

Me: I'm sorry, but I have no say on the return policy. Let me talk to a member of management.

So management gives the OK to exchange for the same one, but no return (which she shouldn't have done anyway, since even that is outside the same 15 day period, but whatever.)

Seriously, if you KNOW that it's 15 days, why do you wait until the return policy is up? Especially if it's not doing what you want?

[chainedbarista]

SC: No. But won't the router get me internet?

wow, i'm not computer savvy and even i know you need to subscribe. *facepalm*

[tenzilkem]

that happened to me more often than not folks calling into tech support for access to wireless routers that weren't theirs. Apparently their neighbors figured out where the bandwidth issues were coming from and set up some security. Pissed the morons calling into us to no end when we said sorry ask their neighbors for the password.

[EvilEmpryss]

Me: So, first question: Do you already get internet service?
SC: No. But won't the router get me internet?
Me: No. You'll have to contact your local cable or phone provider to see about getting a high-speed internet setup, then get a router to make that connection wireles.

They wouldn't even need one then, right? Don't most ISPs provide a router as part of the setup package?

Me: So... it's not YOUR internet connection?
SC: No. It's my neighbors, but the router will let me connect, right?

I sooo hate people who try to steal internet, especially when they're so stupid they can't even do it right. I mean really, if they're already picking up the signal that says that there's a wireless account active near them, why would they need a router?

Seriously, if you KNOW that it's 15 days, why do you wait until the return policy is up? Especially if it's not doing what you want?

Because she's spechul, that's why! It was proved when the manager let her exchange it.

Wanna bet the next one comes back, too? "Running slow"? Who wants to make bets on what websites she was surfing?

[Rugsrat]

that happened to me more often than not folks calling into tech support for access to wireless routers that weren't theirs. Apparently their neighbors figured out where the bandwidth issues were coming from and set up some security. Pissed the morons calling into us to no end when we said sorry ask their neighbors for the password.

My sympathies. I just don't understand how people can't fire up a braincell in these situations.

They wouldn't even need one then, right? Don't most ISPs provide a router as part of the setup package?

As far as I know, it depends on the provider, and the service package you choose. I know that when we signed up for high-speed internet at home, it didn't come with one.

I sooo hate people who try to steal internet, especially when they're so stupid they can't even do it right. I mean really, if they're already picking up the signal that says that there's a wireless account active near them, why would they need a router?

Yeah, I if at all possible try to get people to stop stealing other people's internet. Someone once commented to me that it's possibly because they've been stealing so long, they don't realize that SOMEONE has to pay for it. That's a terrifying thought to me.

Because she's spechul, that's why! It was proved when the manager let her exchange it.

Wanna bet the next one comes back, too? "Running slow"? Who wants to make bets on what websites she was surfing?

Probably will. But it'll be even longer. 15 days doesn't extend with an exchange, it's still from the original date.

[Ben_Who]

Yeah, I if at all possible try to get people to stop stealing other people's internet. Someone once commented to me that it's possibly because they've been stealing so long, they don't realize that SOMEONE has to pay for it. That's a terrifying thought to me.

When I was in college and first set up the internet for home use in my super-cheap apartment, I actually didn't realize that the internet was something people had to pay for. I got it free through the University. Still, this was early days, 1996. Internet in the home was new to EVERYONE.

Given the people I work with, I can imagine that there are a lot of people for whom the Internet is still new and strange. The idea that the Internet might spring from the router isn't as strange as the idea that it can be installed from a floppy disk, which is what it looks like to these cargo-cult users. There's no observable reason, to the intellectually incurious, why water isn't being produced by the faucet.

I suppose it's possible that the technically numb might set up their WiFi enabled computer without realizing that the internet didn't come home with them in the box, and latch onto the neighbor's WiFi without ever once being aware that that's not how it's supposed to work. The neighbor gets wind of this and clamps down the security, what does the user do? "Yellow pages...I....I....I...Internet Service Providers! Here it is. Subscriptions, account information, technical support, that's the one!"

It's always kind of fun to hop on the train of logic of someone who's been doing it wrong for years, perhaps decades.

Love, Who?

[trailerparkmedic]

Don't most ISPs provide a router as part of the setup package??

Some do, some don't. Comcast didn't give us a wireless router but AT&T did (maybe because we have internet + TV).

[Pagan]

Wanna bet the next one comes back, too? "Running slow"? Who wants to make bets on what websites she was surfing?

With absolutely no security whatsoever.

When I was in college and first set up the internet for home use in my super-cheap apartment, I actually didn't realize that the internet was something people had to pay for. I got it free through the University. Still, this was early days, 1996. Internet in the home was new to EVERYONE.

To be fair, the internet itself is free. Access to it is not.

[EvilEmpryss]

Yeah, I if at all possible try to get people to stop stealing other people's internet. Someone once commented to me that it's possibly because they've been stealing so long, they don't realize that SOMEONE has to pay for it. That's a terrifying thought to me.

While you're at it, we need to get those people who *do* put security on their networks to make the passwords at least moderately difficult. The word 'password' (in any combination of upper and lower case letters, even if they use the @ for the 'a' and a zero for the 'o'), the name of the router, the name of the network, the name of the resident/business, and the numbers 1-6 or 1-0 in sequential order are *not* secure passwords!

There's no observable reason, to the intellectually incurious, why water isn't being produced by the faucet.

That has got to be the single scariest statement that I've seen in my life.

[MsCrankypants]

My uncle is the kind of idiot who doesn't mind using or stealing everyone else's bandwidth, but deity help you if you want to use his. It took several visits before he was even willing to give up his network password while we were visiting his home; never mind that every time he's at my house I've quite cheerfully set him up for guest access (my Time Machine makes this pretty easy). When I asked if I could use his broadband, he replied that he "couldn't remember" his password, and he didn't have a way to set people up for guest access.

I can't remember how I got him to cough up the password, but when I finally succeeded, it was something so generic that I recommended he should change his password posthaste if he didn't want anyone stealing his bandwidth or worse. He hasn't done it yet; I'm looking forward to the day when his computer goes down in flames because he was dumb enough to leave himself open to damage.

[malmalthekiller]

15 day return policy on computers. 15. There's even stickers right on the boxes for desktops. And as someone in Electronics, whenever there's a return, one of us has to trek up to the service desk to match the serial numbers on the receipt to the box, to the item itself. (not sure why management insists on this, it's so not rocket science to match the numbers).

I used to work at Ball Far doing returns, and I used to think this was stupid before I would work the 3-10 closing shift by myself EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, including Fridays and Saturdays.

With huge long lines, it takes time to match up and argue with each person about computers/x-box's/camera's, etc. I'd have a line 5 deep, have to deal with it, and then the line kept accumulating with no backup from management at all.

So, sometimes you're helpful.

And yeah, Ball Fart will ALWAYS cave with returns. Management can override. Now I work at Bullseye, where they cannot.

[Exaspera]

And yeah, Ball Fart will ALWAYS cave with returns. Management can override. Now I work at Bullseye, where they cannot.

Sorry, but I got an attack of logic. Why do they even have a policy if they don't back it up? Maybe to avoid anarchy or something?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

How do you even dress yourself in the morning?

Garanimals.

However, the flamingo pants look absolutely ridiculous when worn with the panda bear shirt.