Tweet
Honesty is the Best Policy
As soon as this happened today, all I could think about was posting it here. The idea made me giddy. 
So, here you go: The illustrious tale of Mr. Honesty.
At our shop, we sell mobile phones and mobile phone plans. We have a limited selection of prepaid phones, which are phones you can buy outright and just charge up with credit, pay-as-you-go. They are all pretty shitty, but they work for what they're for -- not business, not high-end, just a functional phone that can call, text, take pictures, and not much else.
For most of the phones, we offer an extended warranty, instead of insurance. The extended warranty just extends the manufacturers warranty (NOT OURS, the MANUFACTURERS, this is IMPORTANT!) by 6 months for accessories (like chargers) and 12 months for the phone itself (excluding serious physical damage). We do not offer this extended warranty on prepaids, because they're kind of crappy anyway. So, that means that on a prepaid phone, you get 12 months warranty on the phone and 6 months on the accessories.
I'm "manning the counter", which is Trainee for "staying out of the way", when a man comes in with his wife/girlfriend/partner and says he's been having problems with his phone charger.
Well, 90% of problems that come into our store can be solved with a reboot. Hardly anybody ever turns off their phone, ever. It's important to turn it off once a week, and also to take out the battery and SIM card now and then. Otherwise, it can start doing wacky stuff. So the procedure when someone comes complaining about their phone is to immediately reboot it and try to produce the error.
Well, so, I reboot it, and test the charger. It shows that it's charging. I am triumphant!
Oh, wait, no. Apparently the problem is that it appears that it is charging, when in fact it is not. They can "charge" it for hours on end and it still dies. This could be a battery fault, but it's probably the charger since they've tested it with another charger and that worked.
Okay, cool, let's have a look. Where did you buy the phone? Here? Swell, let's look in our records and bring up an invoice. While I'm looking, how long ago did you purchase it? A few months ago? Don't remember exactly? That's okay, let's just see.
Oh, darn. It looks like you purchased the phone before Christmas, last year, and it is now 8 months past purchase and therefore 2 months past it's warranty expiry. Sorry about that. It's fine, though, we actually have those chargers in stock, they're about $25. Would you like to purchase one today?
And now the shit hits the fan.
The dude is furious. He keeps saying, "But the charger wasn't working from the day we bought it! This isn't a new thing! Doesn't that count?"
No, Sir, it doesn't count, because if that "counted", then everybody would come in with their broken devices after expiry and say that they'd been broken since day one.
So, I say, "Unfortunately, we're not going to be able to give you a free replacement charger, because you're out of warranty."
Cue cyclic, "But it's been broken the whole time!" nonsense, followed by my stressing once again that we can't replace it because it's no longer free, the warranty has expired.
I ask, "Why didn't you bring it in before if it's been broken for 6 months?"
His face gets this snotty, contorted look, and he condescends, "I've been BUSY! I have a full time JOB!"
Yeah, buddy, so do friggin' I, in fact, I work two jobs adding up to 40 hours a week, and I haven't had a day off for 18 days. What's your excuse again?
He goes on to say that on his days off, he's had other stuff to do, he just didn't realise it would be that big of a deal.
I explain, "Yes, well, unfortunately, as you can see, it is." with a sweet little look on my face as though I'm really disappointed for him, so that he will buy the fucking replacement and get out of the store.
But, nay. "I want to speak to someone else."
I grab the nearest colleague and explain the situation. He reiterates that we can't honour the warranty because it has expired. More cyclic whining and then he demands to speak to a manager, to, quote, "Plead my case".
So, we all go and fetch our fabulous awesome Store Manager, who I'll call Marc. Marc has this magnificent way of being harsh with a customer without their really knowing. Also, he is pretty much Jesus in our store, his power only limited by the owners (who are also really rad, btw).
By this time, SC dude is really upset and flabbergasted he can't get what he wants. Namely, a new charger. For free.
So, in the midst of being told for the umpteenth time that he cannot have a free charger, he says, "Look, I just want a new charger, but I don't want to pay for it."
I thought that had to have been the most awesome statement ever, just because of it's sheer lunacy. How would that even work? Can I go into any old department store and say, "Look, I just want a new pair of jeans, but I don't want to pay for them," and magically have them appear in my hands?
Marc just stares and says, "I'm not giving you a free charger, you're out of warranty." and just keeps repeating it, though the Sucky One doth protest too much.
Finally, SC wants to take this even further, and starts bitching about the telecommunications company that this shop is a retail outlet for. Marc has had it, because the warranties have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with us whatsoever. They are provided by the manufacturer, as I stated earlier.
So he finally says, "If you want to take this further, I suggest you contact Blahkia, because they are the providers of the warranty, and it has nothing to do with Telecommunicus." Then he turns to me and my colleague and says, "Give him the number for Blahkia, he can contact them," and minces back into the backroom to do the business that is actually important and keeps the shop running.
We give him Blahkia's number and he takes it and shuffles off. As soon as he leaves, my colleague and I burst out laughing. For the rest of the day, we keep saying things like, "I want an elephant, but I don't want to pay for it!" "I want a Ferrari, but I don't want to pay for it!" "I want China, but I don't want to pay for it!"
I guess Honesty is a better policy than the manufacturer warranties.
DemoDiva
So, here you go: The illustrious tale of Mr. Honesty.
At our shop, we sell mobile phones and mobile phone plans. We have a limited selection of prepaid phones, which are phones you can buy outright and just charge up with credit, pay-as-you-go. They are all pretty shitty, but they work for what they're for -- not business, not high-end, just a functional phone that can call, text, take pictures, and not much else.
For most of the phones, we offer an extended warranty, instead of insurance. The extended warranty just extends the manufacturers warranty (NOT OURS, the MANUFACTURERS, this is IMPORTANT!) by 6 months for accessories (like chargers) and 12 months for the phone itself (excluding serious physical damage). We do not offer this extended warranty on prepaids, because they're kind of crappy anyway. So, that means that on a prepaid phone, you get 12 months warranty on the phone and 6 months on the accessories.
I'm "manning the counter", which is Trainee for "staying out of the way", when a man comes in with his wife/girlfriend/partner and says he's been having problems with his phone charger.
Well, 90% of problems that come into our store can be solved with a reboot. Hardly anybody ever turns off their phone, ever. It's important to turn it off once a week, and also to take out the battery and SIM card now and then. Otherwise, it can start doing wacky stuff. So the procedure when someone comes complaining about their phone is to immediately reboot it and try to produce the error.
Well, so, I reboot it, and test the charger. It shows that it's charging. I am triumphant!
Oh, wait, no. Apparently the problem is that it appears that it is charging, when in fact it is not. They can "charge" it for hours on end and it still dies. This could be a battery fault, but it's probably the charger since they've tested it with another charger and that worked.
Okay, cool, let's have a look. Where did you buy the phone? Here? Swell, let's look in our records and bring up an invoice. While I'm looking, how long ago did you purchase it? A few months ago? Don't remember exactly? That's okay, let's just see.
Oh, darn. It looks like you purchased the phone before Christmas, last year, and it is now 8 months past purchase and therefore 2 months past it's warranty expiry. Sorry about that. It's fine, though, we actually have those chargers in stock, they're about $25. Would you like to purchase one today?
And now the shit hits the fan.
The dude is furious. He keeps saying, "But the charger wasn't working from the day we bought it! This isn't a new thing! Doesn't that count?"
No, Sir, it doesn't count, because if that "counted", then everybody would come in with their broken devices after expiry and say that they'd been broken since day one.
So, I say, "Unfortunately, we're not going to be able to give you a free replacement charger, because you're out of warranty."
Cue cyclic, "But it's been broken the whole time!" nonsense, followed by my stressing once again that we can't replace it because it's no longer free, the warranty has expired.
I ask, "Why didn't you bring it in before if it's been broken for 6 months?"
His face gets this snotty, contorted look, and he condescends, "I've been BUSY! I have a full time JOB!"
Yeah, buddy, so do friggin' I, in fact, I work two jobs adding up to 40 hours a week, and I haven't had a day off for 18 days. What's your excuse again?
He goes on to say that on his days off, he's had other stuff to do, he just didn't realise it would be that big of a deal.
I explain, "Yes, well, unfortunately, as you can see, it is." with a sweet little look on my face as though I'm really disappointed for him, so that he will buy the fucking replacement and get out of the store.
But, nay. "I want to speak to someone else."
I grab the nearest colleague and explain the situation. He reiterates that we can't honour the warranty because it has expired. More cyclic whining and then he demands to speak to a manager, to, quote, "Plead my case".
So, we all go and fetch our fabulous awesome Store Manager, who I'll call Marc. Marc has this magnificent way of being harsh with a customer without their really knowing. Also, he is pretty much Jesus in our store, his power only limited by the owners (who are also really rad, btw).
By this time, SC dude is really upset and flabbergasted he can't get what he wants. Namely, a new charger. For free.
So, in the midst of being told for the umpteenth time that he cannot have a free charger, he says, "Look, I just want a new charger, but I don't want to pay for it."
I thought that had to have been the most awesome statement ever, just because of it's sheer lunacy. How would that even work? Can I go into any old department store and say, "Look, I just want a new pair of jeans, but I don't want to pay for them," and magically have them appear in my hands?
Marc just stares and says, "I'm not giving you a free charger, you're out of warranty." and just keeps repeating it, though the Sucky One doth protest too much.
Finally, SC wants to take this even further, and starts bitching about the telecommunications company that this shop is a retail outlet for. Marc has had it, because the warranties have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with us whatsoever. They are provided by the manufacturer, as I stated earlier.
So he finally says, "If you want to take this further, I suggest you contact Blahkia, because they are the providers of the warranty, and it has nothing to do with Telecommunicus." Then he turns to me and my colleague and says, "Give him the number for Blahkia, he can contact them," and minces back into the backroom to do the business that is actually important and keeps the shop running.
We give him Blahkia's number and he takes it and shuffles off. As soon as he leaves, my colleague and I burst out laughing. For the rest of the day, we keep saying things like, "I want an elephant, but I don't want to pay for it!" "I want a Ferrari, but I don't want to pay for it!" "I want China, but I don't want to pay for it!"
I guess Honesty is a better policy than the manufacturer warranties.
DemoDiva
Ah, and where is this Magical Faerieland where everything is free and of top-flight quality? Doesn't everyone want everything for free!
Comment