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Three L's. That third one is kind of a shaky label for it, seeing as how... oh, fuck it, I'll explain why in a minute. Of course, the three-day delay was mainly how long it took for me to recover from the magnitude of the suckiness. The rest of it was a hangover.
And now, on with the show.
It's rare when I see something so completely... wacky, for lack of a better word, that I wish I had taped evidence to link you folks to. The story is long enough; I'll leave the dialogue out of it.
Y'see, we have a rival bar behind us, and their security staff is so lax that I'm amazed they haven't been shut down for at least three violations. Their customers and our customers share the same parking areas, so most of the time, their SCs will walk past our bar (sometimes with drinks in their hands, but I'm digressing) on their way to their vehicles.
This duo, on the other hand, was hampered by the fact that one of them was too drunk to walk. Sober, she'd actually be kinda cute. She's maybe half a foot shorter than me, cute face, and I'll be honest: she was a little on the chubby side, but she carried it nicely. But as it was, she was so drunk that she fell on her ass the second she and her friend made it to the streetlight at the corner. Her companion tried to give her a hand up, and she almost made it back on her feet. A combination of her level of drunkenness and gravity itself had other ideas, though. Thud on her butt again.
This is the part where I run over to help. Five minutes worth of failed attempts to help her back up, even with her friend's help, convincing her to take her shoes off so she could be more balanced once she's vertical again, and at one point (I wish I was joking) having her camera taken out of her hand, because she decided to take a picture. Of herself. Or rather, one part of herself.
I shake my head, and head back towards my door to see if one of the customers can give us some help. No sooner do I get to my door than two of our own patrons walk out, with a look of shock on their faces. They ask me if I saw the girl outside flashing panty at the bar. I raise an eyebrow and look back at the corner out of instinct, and sure enough, the Life of the Bachelorette Party is on her back, and the only way I can describe how she was laying down on the sidewalk was 'I think I saw that in a video once...'
Before I could tell the girl anything, the two that told me about the show walk over to her and start talking to her themselves. Much of the conversation was the girls explaining to Miss Bacardi 2010 that she was embarrassing herself, and our heroine apologizing because she didn't know her own limits. They even coach her into using the bar's wall to help herself back onto her feet, and eventually, she's upright again. Miracles really do happen, people!
Our customers come back inside, and a moment later, the duo our competitors unleashed on us pass by my door. She wants to come in, her friend wants to get the car and take her home, and I reach a compromise with them: she can't come in because she's too wasted, but she can sit down at my 'station' (a bar stool I take outside with me so I can watch the traffic and keep idiots out of our loading zone) and sober up a little while he gets the car.
She tries to hold conversation with me, but her end of it is alternating between apologizing for not knowing her alcohol tolerance and trying to flirt with me. Two things got in the way of me taking her up on the flirting, however: firstly, I'm still madly in love with my girlfriend, and secondly, I find it hard to be attracted to a girl who's got enough booze on her breath to make me afraid to light a cigarette around her.
Rescue finally comes in the form of her friend. She staggers over to his car, gets in and drives off. Once they're out of sight, I just shake my head at the entire scene.
I actually feel sorry for the poor girl. Not only did she make a complete fool out of herself, but you just know the hangover the next day felt like a near-death experience for her...
And now, on with the show.
It's rare when I see something so completely... wacky, for lack of a better word, that I wish I had taped evidence to link you folks to. The story is long enough; I'll leave the dialogue out of it.
Y'see, we have a rival bar behind us, and their security staff is so lax that I'm amazed they haven't been shut down for at least three violations. Their customers and our customers share the same parking areas, so most of the time, their SCs will walk past our bar (sometimes with drinks in their hands, but I'm digressing) on their way to their vehicles.
This duo, on the other hand, was hampered by the fact that one of them was too drunk to walk. Sober, she'd actually be kinda cute. She's maybe half a foot shorter than me, cute face, and I'll be honest: she was a little on the chubby side, but she carried it nicely. But as it was, she was so drunk that she fell on her ass the second she and her friend made it to the streetlight at the corner. Her companion tried to give her a hand up, and she almost made it back on her feet. A combination of her level of drunkenness and gravity itself had other ideas, though. Thud on her butt again.
This is the part where I run over to help. Five minutes worth of failed attempts to help her back up, even with her friend's help, convincing her to take her shoes off so she could be more balanced once she's vertical again, and at one point (I wish I was joking) having her camera taken out of her hand, because she decided to take a picture. Of herself. Or rather, one part of herself.
I shake my head, and head back towards my door to see if one of the customers can give us some help. No sooner do I get to my door than two of our own patrons walk out, with a look of shock on their faces. They ask me if I saw the girl outside flashing panty at the bar. I raise an eyebrow and look back at the corner out of instinct, and sure enough, the Life of the Bachelorette Party is on her back, and the only way I can describe how she was laying down on the sidewalk was 'I think I saw that in a video once...'
Before I could tell the girl anything, the two that told me about the show walk over to her and start talking to her themselves. Much of the conversation was the girls explaining to Miss Bacardi 2010 that she was embarrassing herself, and our heroine apologizing because she didn't know her own limits. They even coach her into using the bar's wall to help herself back onto her feet, and eventually, she's upright again. Miracles really do happen, people!
Our customers come back inside, and a moment later, the duo our competitors unleashed on us pass by my door. She wants to come in, her friend wants to get the car and take her home, and I reach a compromise with them: she can't come in because she's too wasted, but she can sit down at my 'station' (a bar stool I take outside with me so I can watch the traffic and keep idiots out of our loading zone) and sober up a little while he gets the car.
She tries to hold conversation with me, but her end of it is alternating between apologizing for not knowing her alcohol tolerance and trying to flirt with me. Two things got in the way of me taking her up on the flirting, however: firstly, I'm still madly in love with my girlfriend, and secondly, I find it hard to be attracted to a girl who's got enough booze on her breath to make me afraid to light a cigarette around her.
Rescue finally comes in the form of her friend. She staggers over to his car, gets in and drives off. Once they're out of sight, I just shake my head at the entire scene.
I actually feel sorry for the poor girl. Not only did she make a complete fool out of herself, but you just know the hangover the next day felt like a near-death experience for her...
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