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First of all, let me just say thank goodness this site exists. I just found it for whatever reason, and I am so excited to find some people who will understand my plight. I work as a Customer Service Representative for the largest home and office bottled water company in the US. If you know what it is, either because you drank some (eh) or you have delivery service (sorry) I may have talked to you over the last 5 years. And let me say that I have some customers who are great. And I have some that I would like to hang up on (proud to say that I have never done this-and believe me, it's tempting, every single day).
This is what I would like to send as an open letter to all of my customers: I just want to say that as a Customer Service Representative and a consumer, I know that we suck. Maybe not always us personally, but our companies and you call and you get to navigate through our stupid automated telephone system that rarely works and can't understand you and then hold for hours and then you get us talking heads who feed you lines about "company policies" and "apologies" when we really care less (and I hate to admit this, but most of the time, I could care less, especially if I am listening to a stream of profanity). But seriously, there are things that the general public doesn't know, and should know about calling someone in a call center:
1. We are not (all) stupid. I know that I am a service provider so you think I am automatically an imbecile, but guess what? I have an English undergraduate degree and I spent 6 months researching Shakesperean metaphors. I just can't make a living with it. Shocker.
2. If I ask you for something, it is because I have to. When I ask you to verify your telephone number and you say "I typed it into the phone", understand that I know that, I can see your account. I still have to make you verify it. The same goes for when I offer to sell you flavored drink mix, ask for your e-mail address and offer to set you up for paperless billing. I have to do this. My calls are randomly monitored. Acting irritated, talking fast, and trying to rush me through it gets you nowhere. I will persist. If you want me to stop talking, hang up. Otherwise, the call will end only when I say, "thank you for calling" and not one second before.
3. Yelling at me, belitting me, telling me what I am going to do and interrupting me do not keep me from assisting you, but they do make it so I am less likely to go the extra mile and that's the truth. Maybe not the best thing for me to admit, but I promise, I am not alone.
4. Disagreeing with something I say, (such as my telling you that you will have to pay an early termination fee for breaking your contract) and saying, "well, sorry, I won't pay that, thank you, goodbye" does not mean that you will not pay the termination fee. It means you will be billed and you will have to call back and argue about it (hopefully with someone else).
5. Speaking of holding, complaining to me that it took a long time to talk to me basically just means that the phone call will take longer. I am not in charge of hiring and I have nothing to do with our persistent technological difficulties.
6. Be prepared. People call in all the time to make credit card payments and then when I am ready to help them I get "Let me get my card out, hang on"-or, in the case of a man calling to change his address, say, when asked what the new address will be, "I knew you would ask me that". Um...I would think that would be common sense. I don't have anywhere else to go so I can wait, but these are the people who get irritated at the end of the call and act like I'm wasting their time when I'm just trying to meet my call quality score.
7. When I explain something to you (such as your bill) and you were all fired up about an error that you realize we didn't make, telling me, "Well you people screw up all the time" is not going to get me to issue a credit to your account.
8. You people. YOU PEOPLE. STOP calling me that. Seriously. That is all.
9. Why do you ask me why you got a late fee? You paid your bill late, that is why. Didn't we know you were a longtime customer? Yes. Did our computer system take the time to note that before it automatically charged you a late fee a whopping 50 days after we sent you a bill for water you already consumed? Why no.
10. Don't call me honey, baby, sweetie, and don't assume that because my voice makes me sound like a 12 year old, that I don't know what I am talking about and you can talk really fast until I do what you want. It's not true.
This is what I would like to send as an open letter to all of my customers: I just want to say that as a Customer Service Representative and a consumer, I know that we suck. Maybe not always us personally, but our companies and you call and you get to navigate through our stupid automated telephone system that rarely works and can't understand you and then hold for hours and then you get us talking heads who feed you lines about "company policies" and "apologies" when we really care less (and I hate to admit this, but most of the time, I could care less, especially if I am listening to a stream of profanity). But seriously, there are things that the general public doesn't know, and should know about calling someone in a call center:
1. We are not (all) stupid. I know that I am a service provider so you think I am automatically an imbecile, but guess what? I have an English undergraduate degree and I spent 6 months researching Shakesperean metaphors. I just can't make a living with it. Shocker.
2. If I ask you for something, it is because I have to. When I ask you to verify your telephone number and you say "I typed it into the phone", understand that I know that, I can see your account. I still have to make you verify it. The same goes for when I offer to sell you flavored drink mix, ask for your e-mail address and offer to set you up for paperless billing. I have to do this. My calls are randomly monitored. Acting irritated, talking fast, and trying to rush me through it gets you nowhere. I will persist. If you want me to stop talking, hang up. Otherwise, the call will end only when I say, "thank you for calling" and not one second before.
3. Yelling at me, belitting me, telling me what I am going to do and interrupting me do not keep me from assisting you, but they do make it so I am less likely to go the extra mile and that's the truth. Maybe not the best thing for me to admit, but I promise, I am not alone.
4. Disagreeing with something I say, (such as my telling you that you will have to pay an early termination fee for breaking your contract) and saying, "well, sorry, I won't pay that, thank you, goodbye" does not mean that you will not pay the termination fee. It means you will be billed and you will have to call back and argue about it (hopefully with someone else).
5. Speaking of holding, complaining to me that it took a long time to talk to me basically just means that the phone call will take longer. I am not in charge of hiring and I have nothing to do with our persistent technological difficulties.
6. Be prepared. People call in all the time to make credit card payments and then when I am ready to help them I get "Let me get my card out, hang on"-or, in the case of a man calling to change his address, say, when asked what the new address will be, "I knew you would ask me that". Um...I would think that would be common sense. I don't have anywhere else to go so I can wait, but these are the people who get irritated at the end of the call and act like I'm wasting their time when I'm just trying to meet my call quality score.
7. When I explain something to you (such as your bill) and you were all fired up about an error that you realize we didn't make, telling me, "Well you people screw up all the time" is not going to get me to issue a credit to your account.
8. You people. YOU PEOPLE. STOP calling me that. Seriously. That is all.
9. Why do you ask me why you got a late fee? You paid your bill late, that is why. Didn't we know you were a longtime customer? Yes. Did our computer system take the time to note that before it automatically charged you a late fee a whopping 50 days after we sent you a bill for water you already consumed? Why no.
10. Don't call me honey, baby, sweetie, and don't assume that because my voice makes me sound like a 12 year old, that I don't know what I am talking about and you can talk really fast until I do what you want. It's not true.
to beat the sucky callers down with
to enjoy afterwards*
to 
!
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