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For I am the Lord of Grammar!

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  • For I am the Lord of Grammar!

    Background: I work as an editor at a publishing company. A few weeks ago I edited a manuscript so riddled with grammatical and spelling errors that it made me want to weep, cover myself in chocolate and roll around with rabbits and hamsters; anything to take my mind off it. Among many other plentiful shortcomings related to the written word, this author could not use a semi colon. Those of us who know such things, know that a semi colon [;] should be used to separate two clauses (two halves of a sentence which could stand as sentences by themselves, but are associated), or as part of a list. I should point out here that I am not a grammar nazi when it comes to blogs, text messages or CS for that matter, but if you are trying to publish a scholarly work of history then you should know how to put a sentence together. At the very least, if your own personal god has not blessed with the knowledge of how to use a semi colon, DO NOT TRY.

    Anyway, today I get the proofs of the book back from the author. They are COVERED in red pen, reinserting incorrect semi colons (and some dashes, hyphens, full stops and commas for good measure). They also came with a letter, which comically proved the point that those who cannot use, shouldn't, and that some people are so delusional that they believe a professional grammar hound will change their punctuation for some other reason than that it was WRONG.

    I reproduce the letter in part (the rest was waffle about his contract) complete with the many grammatical and spelling errors that he had cast over it like a bridesmaid tossing confetti over her BBF on her big day...

    Dear BB,

    I inclose the page proof's of [my book]. I couldn't help but notice that many changes had been made; and that many naunces of the text had been lost and errors incorporated. A few changes I could understand but I feel that whoever read the book [the bastard knew it was me but wouldn't call me out on it] may not be very experienced. Maybe if the original text was used; as I originally sent it, that would take less time than making so many corections.


    Shall I put back all your woeful errors? Denied.

    Are you a tool for doubting my mad grammar skills? Accepted.

    Should you invest in a copy of Fowler's Modern English Usage before trying to publish anything more taxing than a grocery list? Accepted.
    Saying I'm "turning down a sale" and thinking I give an airborne fornication – GUILTY – Irving Patrick Freleigh

  • #2
    Quoth BookBint View Post
    Background: I work as an editor at a publishing company.
    ...which probably is not as glamourous as it sounds, from what you say...
    Quoth BookBint View Post
    this author could not use a semi colon.
    ...which can be even considered acceptable nowadays. Unless the author actually tried to USE semicolons.
    Quoth BookBint View Post
    if your own personal god has not blessed with the knowledge of how to use a semi colon, DO NOT TRY.
    Hear, hear. Truer words were seldom spoken.

    Quoth BookBint View Post
    Dear BB,
    I inclose the page proof's of [my book]. I couldn't help but notice that many changes had been made; and that many naunces of the text had been lost and errors incorporated. A few changes I could understand but I feel that whoever read the book [the bastard knew it was me but wouldn't call me out on it] may not be very experienced. Maybe if the original text was used; as I originally sent it, that would take less time than making so many corections.
    "Inclose"?
    "Naunces"?
    "If the original text was used; as I originally sent it"?
    "Corections"?
    Quoth BookBint View Post
    Should you invest in a copy of Fowler's Modern English Usage before trying to publish anything more taxing than a grocery list? Accepted.
    Can I suggest that the publishing of this individual's grocery list wouldn't be much interesting? Unless you do it in the context of an anthropological study. Who else would like to read that s/he eats "Oberjins, Garlick, Carotts and Potates"?
    Last edited by C. Cecil Ivanish; 07-22-2010, 01:44 PM.
    FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC

    You're not a unique snowflake unless you create your own mould (Raps)

    ***GK, Sarcastro, Lupo, LingualMonkey, BookBint, Jester, Irv, Hero & Marlowe fan***

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    • #3
      Quoth BookBint View Post
      I should point out here that I am not a grammar nazi when it comes to blogs, text messages or CS for that matter, but if you are trying to publish a scholarly work of history then you should know how to put a sentence together.
      I'm with you on that one. And I am jealous of your job! Any tips on how I might obtain such employment?

      I edit for friends; I've done about a year of contracted technical editing. I can easily say that, with or without the idiocy (and I've had some idiot writers try to torture me by asking me to edit their stuff), I think it's a fun job.

      When I edit, I usually put in notes for the author as well as corrections. If I correct a comma splice, I'll add an explanation at the first instance, telling the author what I corrected and why. That might be a bit too labor-intensive for a full-time professional editor, but it's preempted a few arguments for me.

      This "customer" of yours is a real piece of work, though. I often have writers question my edits; I've never had anyone replace my corrections with the original errors. That's more SC "logic" at work, I suppose. I'd be tempted to photocopy a few pages from the old high school English textbook I have and send them to him with his edits. That just might be easier to understand than a usage manual. I'd probably edit his email when I replied to it, too.

      Is it sad that I actually want to work with idiots like him?
      I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
      - Bill Watterson

      My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
      - IPF

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      • #4
        Wow that is very badly written. This person some how got someone to accept their inquiry letter with such horrid grammar? May I ask how?

        Speaking as an english literature major with horrible grammar I am STUNNED. (Horrible grammar, but wonderful spelling )
        Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

        Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
        Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth hinakiba777 View Post
          Speaking as an english literature major with horrible grammar I am STUNNED. (Horrible grammar, but wonderful spelling )
          Speaking as a college dropout with a high school diploma, I can't believe people let that guy write a book. :-P Yes, I probably misuse and occasionally abuse parts of speech. This in no way shape or form means I'm a book writer. I'm a systems admin, and as long as the commands I use and code I write is syntactically correct, my English skills become secondary.

          Even then, I've read 7th grade papers that read better than that excerpt.
          Coworker: Distro of choice?
          Me: Gentoo.
          Coworker: Ahh. A Masochist. I thought so.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth BookBint View Post
            Maybe if the original text was used; as I originally sent it, that would take less time than making so many corections.
            Hey! I worked with this author too! Or his identical twin.

            One of the last freelance projects I worked on before my son was born was a manuscript written by a fellow who evidently had only a passing familiarity with the English language. He was not happy with the changes I made - all of which were 100% necessary; I can't stand editors who make changes for the sake of seeing red ink on the page - and requested that the text be restored to the original. I guess this author had been a particular PITA & the editorial director didn't want to argue with him, so that's what happened.

            I honestly didn't mind - I was paid for the work I'd done (and frankly I was starting to get a little burned out on the job anyway, so I just didn't have the energy to care). My only request was that I not be acknowledged in any way as the editor of the book, because I have a reputation as a very careful and thoughtful editor & I didn't want anyone to run across that clusterfuck and think I had anything to do with how it turned out.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth HawaiianShirts View Post
              I often have writers question my edits; I've never had anyone replace my corrections with the original errors. That's more SC "logic" at work, I suppose.
              In my experience, the degree to which an academic author digs in his heels, insisting the original manuscript is perfect as written and needs no changes, is inversely proportionate to his position in academia.

              The biggest PITA I ever worked with was a community college professor who had issues with *every* change I made to his work. He was also extremely unhappy that I *dared* to change a single *word* of the introductory essay to his book, which had been written by Howard Zinn. Did I *know* who that was??? Who did I think I was, presuming to make changes to his essay???

              Prof. Zinn, on the other hand, was perfectly happy with my edits. He'd already faxed me to approve my changes & to thank me for catching a few typos & the like that he'd missed. Heh.

              Comment


              • #8
                The semicolon isn't his only problem. He needs to learn the correct use of an apostrophe.

                Face it, EW "authors". There is only one e.e. cummings.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I would looove to see him get his book published how he originally wrote it. He'd likely be laughed into oblivion. What a pompous jerk.
                  !
                  "For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction." -- Lord Byron

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                  • #10
                    [QUOTE=HawaiianShirts;759333]I'm with you on that one. And I am jealous of your job! Any tips on how I might obtain such employment?[\QUOTE]

                    willingly whore yourself put to a publishing house who will
                    pay you peanuts and require you to be grateful? When you start out the money is terrible! On the other hand, I like being paid to read...
                    Saying I'm "turning down a sale" and thinking I give an airborne fornication – GUILTY – Irving Patrick Freleigh

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Send this link to him:

                      http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        So the question I have is this:

                        How did this guy's manuscript ever get accepted for publication with so many errors? Was it a solicited work?

                        When I took creative writing classes (not the same as non-fiction I'll grant you), I was clearly told that editors wouldn't even look at work with spelling or grammatical errors.
                        They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth BookBint View Post
                          ... this author could not use a semi colon.
                          It also sounds like this guy's colon is broken as well...



                          Proofread the guy's letter and send it back.
                          "Kamala the Ugandan Giant" 1950-2020 • "Bullet" Bob Armstrong 1939-2020 • "Road Warrior Animal" 1960-2020 • "Zeus" Tiny Lister Jr. 1958-2020 • "Hacksaw" Butch Reed 1954-2021 • "New Jack" Jerome Young 1963-2021 • "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff 1949-2021 • "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton 1958-2021 • Daffney 1975-2021

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                          • #14
                            I will see your proofread letter, and raise you a pamphlet from the local college with the writing classes circled in bright red ink.

                            The moron was right about one thing. It would be a lot easier to publish his trash as-is, than it would be to fix it and hide his idiocy from any potential readers.
                            Something kind of sad about the way that things have come to be.
                            Desensitized to everything, what became of subtlety?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Eireann View Post
                              The semicolon isn't his only problem. He needs to learn the correct use of an apostrophe.
                              God, yes! That drives me crazier than all the other errors combined! What's really weird is when they use them for some words that end in 's' and not others.
                              When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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