Can an entire town be insane?

[TNT]

When we get a call from a small town we euphemistically call "Hangover," we know it's going to be bizarre. It's like there's something in the water supply down there. When we see another rep who looks as though he's trying to communicate with aliens, we all know that rep has a Hangover call.

Some of them manage to outdo even the collective insanity of the town. They seem to have my direct number. 3AM:

Caller: The program guide says [name of movie] is supposed to be on. It's not.
Me: Mistakes happen. I apologize and I'll put in a report. We keep track of the errors. Anything else I can help you with?
Caller: No. I'm not going to let this end here.
Me: It's not like I can go in an change it.
Caller: Then I want to know what you're going to do for me to make up for it.
Me: I'm going to apologize again. But, really, it's just a little mistake... one error in 300 channels that broadcast 24 hours a day...
Caller: No, it's not just one error.
Me: Mistakes happen.
Caller: Let me get my notes. On August 8th, there was an error [blah, blah, blah].
Me: Yeah, well...
Caller: And on October 17th, there was an error [blah, blah, blah]. But, since you keep track of errors, I'm sure you have the list in front of you.
Me: Um, yeah, sure.
Caller: So, I'm sure these aren't the only errors.
Me: [consults mythical list of program guide errors] You know, oddly enough those are the only ones.
Caller: So they all affected me. I ask again, what are you going to do for me?
Me: Again, I apologize. Just a simple mistake.
Caller: I'm an engineer. What if I made what you call a "simple" mistake?
Me: [terrorized by the thought that this man could hold a position with any responsibility] Let me ask you this... what do you want us to do?
Caller: For starters, I insist you fire the guy who makes these mistakes. And I want proof that he's been fired.
Me: There's zero possibility that's going to happen. Anything else I can help you with?
Caller: I'm a nice guy. I'll settle for a month of free service.
Me: No. Anything else I can help you with?
Caller: Okay, here's what I'll do...
Me: No. I'm not negotiating over a mistake in a program listing.
Caller: Then I need to talk to a supervisor. I pay enough money that I should be able to expect perfection.
Me: I'll write it up and someone will call you at a reasonable hour. [Unlikely, but I did write it up for everyone's amusement.]
Caller: Exactly who will be calling and at exactly what time?
Me: Someone, some time. Since there appears to be nothing else, thank you for calling and a really super great day. <click>

Thinking about it, maybe it would be great if this guy really were an engineer. I could trust this guy's work.

[Misanthropical]

The last town we lived in seem to be some sort of Twilight Zone episode gone wrong.

Everyone had an entitlement attitude, stupidity was encouraged and rewarded. It was mostly populated by welfaries.

Sometimes, I would have to make a collection call to that very town and it always resulted in my being yelled at for *gasp* expecting them to pay up.

[seeress_83]

Caller: Exactly who will be calling and at exactly what time?
Me: Someone, some time. Since there appears to be nothing else, thank you for calling and a really super great day. <click>

They should call around 10am. Chances are if this guy's awake at 3, he'll be asleep at ten.

[TNT]

Another town we deal with has a peculiar problem of its own... all the non-pay disconnects feel the need to tell me a story about some recent injury, usually the result of a fall. One caller told me how he fell and broke something, and, as it that wasn't enough, his wife fell and broke something. I finally gave into temptation...

Me: I have to ask... are you guys having some sort of gravity problem up there?

Speaking of people awake at that hour, why do all my callers feel the need to explain why they're calling in the early hours? Most of the time, they act as though I had to get out of bed to answer the phone: "Oh, man, I'm really sorry to be calling now, but..."

The only people I really want an explanation from are the ones who call at 3:00AM to order service.

[Ackee]

What a classic!

Reminds me of a scene from Fawlty Towers...


Basil Fawlty: May I help you, madam?
Mrs. Richards: Are you the manager?
Basil Fawlty: I am the *owner*.
Mrs. Richards: What?
Basil Fawlty: I am the owner.
Mrs. Richards: I want to speak to the manager.
Basil Fawlty: [impatiently] I am the manager, too.
Mrs. Richards: What?
Basil Fawlty: I am the manager *as well*
Mrs. Richards: What?
Basil Fawlty: I'm the manager.
Mrs. Richards: Yes, I know, you've just told me; what's the matter with you? Now listen to me. I specifically requested a bath for my room. When I pay for a bath, I expect to get a bath.
Basil Fawlty: You've *got* a bath.
Mrs. Richards: I'm not paying seventeen-pounds-fifty per night plus VAT for a room without a bath.
Basil Fawlty: [indicating private bath in adjoining room] There is your bath.
Mrs. Richards: You call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse. It's disgraceful.
Basil Fawlty: [sotto voice] I wish you were a mouse; I'd show you.
Mrs. Richards: [standing next to the window] And another thing: I asked for a room with a view.
[to Mrs. Richards as he makes a show of inspecting the view]
Basil Fawlty: This is the view as far as I can remember... Yes... Yes, this is it.
Mrs. Richards: When I pay for a view, I expect to see something more interesting than that.
Basil Fawlty: That is Torquay, madam.
Mrs. Richards: Well, that's not good enough.
Basil Fawlty: Well, might I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The hanging gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically...
Mrs. Richards: Don't be ridiculous. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil Fawlty: You *can* see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky.
Mrs. Richards: I'd need a telescope to see that.
Basil Fawlty: Well, might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea.
[sotto voice]
Basil Fawlty: Or preferably in it.
Mrs. Richards: Now listen to me. I'm not satisfied, but I've decided to stay here. However, I shall expect a reduction.
Basil Fawlty: Why? Because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment, or...
Mrs. Richards: No. Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible, and the radio doesn't work.

[karma_gypsy]

Caller: I'm a nice guy. I'll settle for a month of free service.
Me: No. Anything else I can help you with?

O.k., so how is asking for a month of free service being "nice?" I see mistakes on my guide every now and then and don't really think nothing of it. I mean, come on, even the TV guide book makes mistakes every now and then, what are you gonna demand from them?

That engineer might want perfection, but I would hate to work for him.

[Antisocial_Worker]

Yes, actually. An entire town can be insane, and if this were the 1930's or 1940's I'd say my town was one of them. At the time, we had something like 20 nuthouses. For rich families, we were like a big, open air warehouse for all the sick and crazy family members they didn't want to deal with.

But, concerning the story here, this has got to be one of the most classic, textbook cases of entitlement whore-itis that I've ever seen. I mean, this is fantastic. It should be in the encylopedia entry on the very concept of an entitlement whore.

[ArenaBoy]

I second that an entire town can be crazy. Mine has quite a few psychos but all of them come out during the 4th of July when the town has a carnival. Bonus if you happen to live two streets away from the carnival.

[Argabarga]

O.k., so how is asking for a month of free service being "nice?"

The way he phrased it, he made it seem like it was "nice" as in "Guido is a nice guy, and if you promise to pay me, he'll only break one of your kneecaps"

[lordlundar]

My friend is an Architect, and he has told me on numerous occasions that he positively hates dealing with engineers. As he refers them "arrogant pencil-pushing jerks who have no idea of safety regs and codes."

Never had to doubt him, but after this guy, I can fully see why.

[Deceptitech]

Reminds me of a scene from Fawlty Towers...

Now THAT is a man who knows how to deal with customers. Too bad they won't let us use the same customer service manual as the illustrious Mr. Cleese.(And Donald Sinclair, the man who inspired Mr. Cleese into writing "Fawlty Towers")

A place where MBT would not be needed.

This would be a great scenario...

SC: moron in waiting.
D: Evil Tech bastard
*MBT*-- Not used here

D: Thank you for calling retardsrus.com, my name is Deceptitech. What can I do for you today?

SC: I want to return this item I bought from you.

D: And why may I ask are you doing that?

SC: Because I don't want it. So send me a label so i don't have to pay shipping back, and make your company satisfy me.

D: I'm sorry, we do not issue return labels to a customer simply because they don't like it. If you want to return it, you'll have to pay for shipping to send it back.

SC: How can I get a prepaid return label?

D: You can't. since you said you don't want it, I am merely following the policies of this company to tell you that you must return it on your own. If you don't want to pay for shipping back to us, you can simply keep the item, and enjoy its use for years to come. But if you want to return it, you have to pay for shipping back.

SC: Fine, I'll chuck it in the mail and you have to give me the money back.

D: We will be happy to refund your money once we receive this back to our warehouse. but for your security I suggest you send it back with a trackable method, so you have confirmation about its arrival back to us.

SC: So I have to pay money to return it? You suck.

D: No, I am helping you. You can't even grasp that can you you whale eating moron. Do what you want, I don't care. here is your return number. write it on the package and send it back to us. If it gets lost and you don't have a tracking number assigned to it, you're screwed. And don't ask for a manager, they'll tell you the exact same thing, only they'll smile like a bloody clown. If you're quite through, then hang up and do as I said. You purchased the thing, now you don't want it. Why we would sell this technology to someone who clearly lacks the brain power to program a VCR, let alone a PDA is beyond my measure. I'm going to have the person who sold this to you flogged for making a sale to a complete nitwit. Good day sir.


*wakes up from his dream*

Wha what? oh. damn.

[Tito]

They should call around 10am. Chances are if this guy's awake at 3, he'll be asleep at ten.

Aw, yes.... nothing like a little karma. It'd serve the guy right.

[Hicksey]

What an ass this guy is!

What likely happenened was a last minute programming change, which according to a friend of mine that works for my local cable company happens relatively often without notification.

That's hardly the fault of the satellite company. He can hardly expect you to read the minds of the programming directors of each channel they carry and predict what last minute programming changes they will make.

Our guy is simply an ass with nothing better to do than whine about his little inconvenience and try to get something for free.