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Ah-hah...ha....haaha...aaaaaaahhhh.... 
Okay, so, I was on first shift and I decided to sweep the parking lot. I get halfway across the sweltering blacktop and I smell something odd. Turns out, as I get closer, to be the "abyss." The abyss just happens to be the trashcan on the far end of the parking lot. No one changes it.
Out of the goodness in my heart I decide to change it, so I get a black trashbag and start putting all the overflowing bags of cleaned out cars and truck cabs into it so the first one would be more managable. The smell is unbearable but it's not like I haven't smelled something like this before. Well as I'm cleaning off the top the smell is getting worse and worse, so much I have to walk away to breathe then come back. When I think I would be able to lift it out of the trashcan I put my hands around the sides of the trashbag, the outside, mind you. When I pull my hand up again, it's covered in...
Maggots.
I cussed and screamed and yelled up a storm in that back parking lot for a good minute or so (A lawn care guy thought it was rather odd but backed away very quickly when I screamed the word "maggot") and then very calmly told my manager I had a problem.
Decision: Let second shift do it. They have stronger employees and ones who can wear the gloves from the deli that I just so happen to be allergic to.
Now for the game, that day does:
A) Second shift clean up the garbage can?
B) First shift the next day clean up the garbage can?
C) A raving schizophrenic lunatic who got the cops called on him kick it over and cover the ground with the contents which just so happens to include a butt-ton of maggots covering a scary looking white bucket filled with pieces of dead animals?
If you chose A or B, you would be the optimist.
It took TWO employees (me and another female worker) TWO HOURS to clean up the mess and we smelled so bad for the rest of the day that we couldn't EAT because we were afraid we'd throw up from the smell of ourselves.
Idiots:
First one was a lady who got everything she wanted (so there really was no reason to bitch) but decided to scream at me because she thought I was "confusing." She was going to tell everyone what I was "saying." What was I saying you ask? Don't give me a 100 dollar bill.
Second one was just confusing to me. Lady says she was in the store at 10:30 and two female coworkers had to work together to figure out what she wanted. So she wanted to complain about said workers. Problem with this? There were no female retail employees working in the store at that time of night. Both I and my female CW had left together by 10:15.
My guess? She called the WRONG STORE to complain.
Guy wants to break a 100 (how many stories do we even HAVE of this?) and when we can't he says this little gem which made me wonder for his children: "Do you guys do like a hundren an HOUR? You HAVE to have something IN there."
To which my CW replies: "You do realize it doesn't stay in the drawer right? That we put it in a safe?"
D-bags:
Our Fountain machine is broken, which means no fountain sodas and no ice. This is what occurs:
SC: I ordered a combo with a drink and YOUR fountain machine isn't working.
CW: You can still get an iced tea or a slushie.
SC: I didn't WANT an iced tea or a slushie.
CW: .........I can refund it.
SC: I WANT A DRINK.
CW: Okay? So get one out of the cooler.
SC: I want two 16oz sodas out of the cooler for this price.
CW: Absolutely not.
SC: WHY?!
CW: Number one: A combo drink is .87, if I let you get two sodas out of the cooler that's a totally different animal. You'd be stealing essentially. Number two, that would screw up inventory.
SC: Well I don't see how this is ANY DIFFERENT.
CW: That doesn't change the fact that you can't do it. Now I can refund the price of the combo drink and you can pay for the cooler drinks but there were signs on the fountain sodas there's no reason you should have ordered a drink.
SC:
*grumble grumble grumble*
It got to the point where old ladies were telling us that their day was "ruined" because they couldn't get their pepsi. Seriously? If that's what ruins your day I'd hate to see what you say when your cat pees on a rug.
I put up a sign that was a little harsh but it did the trick. "DO NOT ORDER a combo with the intent of getting a fountain drink. It is OUT OF ORDER."
So today a woman comes in and wants a manager. Manager is gone.
SC: I want his phone number.
Me: No. You can call the store *jots down store phone number* between six AM and two PM and ask for *Awesome Manager*
SC: Well I was in here last week I think and I ordered one of your sausages from over there and I got terribly sick from it. You need to cook your meat better or longer because it made me go to the hospital.
Me: .............we don't cook raw meat.
SC: What?
Me: Everything is precooked. Here, I'll let you speak with the Deli Manager.
SC: Is he here?
Me: ....SHE is right over there.
So DM tells her the same thing but with more detail. We would have been closed down along with several other stores if there was anything to make someone sick from our food. We are literally not licensed to cook raw foods, we are NOT ALLOWED. All we do is heat the shit up and serve it. That's why it's safe to just pop a hotdog into the microwave if someone orders one too many, because the microwave doesn't have to COOK the thing, it just has to heat it up.
HURR DURR. If she was looking for compensation she left rejected. She seemed to STOMP out of the store. My AM won't stand for that either. We would have heard something about it by now.
........wut?
Woman comes up to the counter with a yellow tag that states "Audit in Process." It's leftover from yesterday, it happens. It's about five inches long and light yellow. It is a PIECE OF PAPER. Woman places the tag down on the counter and blurts out of her accursed blathering mouth something I can only seem to imagine bursting from the lips of one of Gravekeeper's tomentors.
"Is this a banana?"
............................let that sink in......................................
To which my CW replies (without missing a beat, bless her dark cold heart) "No, it's a banana IMPERSONATOR."
Okay, so, I was on first shift and I decided to sweep the parking lot. I get halfway across the sweltering blacktop and I smell something odd. Turns out, as I get closer, to be the "abyss." The abyss just happens to be the trashcan on the far end of the parking lot. No one changes it.
Out of the goodness in my heart I decide to change it, so I get a black trashbag and start putting all the overflowing bags of cleaned out cars and truck cabs into it so the first one would be more managable. The smell is unbearable but it's not like I haven't smelled something like this before. Well as I'm cleaning off the top the smell is getting worse and worse, so much I have to walk away to breathe then come back. When I think I would be able to lift it out of the trashcan I put my hands around the sides of the trashbag, the outside, mind you. When I pull my hand up again, it's covered in...
Maggots.
I cussed and screamed and yelled up a storm in that back parking lot for a good minute or so (A lawn care guy thought it was rather odd but backed away very quickly when I screamed the word "maggot") and then very calmly told my manager I had a problem.
Decision: Let second shift do it. They have stronger employees and ones who can wear the gloves from the deli that I just so happen to be allergic to.
Now for the game, that day does:
A) Second shift clean up the garbage can?
B) First shift the next day clean up the garbage can?
C) A raving schizophrenic lunatic who got the cops called on him kick it over and cover the ground with the contents which just so happens to include a butt-ton of maggots covering a scary looking white bucket filled with pieces of dead animals?
If you chose A or B, you would be the optimist.
It took TWO employees (me and another female worker) TWO HOURS to clean up the mess and we smelled so bad for the rest of the day that we couldn't EAT because we were afraid we'd throw up from the smell of ourselves.
Idiots:
First one was a lady who got everything she wanted (so there really was no reason to bitch) but decided to scream at me because she thought I was "confusing." She was going to tell everyone what I was "saying." What was I saying you ask? Don't give me a 100 dollar bill.
Second one was just confusing to me. Lady says she was in the store at 10:30 and two female coworkers had to work together to figure out what she wanted. So she wanted to complain about said workers. Problem with this? There were no female retail employees working in the store at that time of night. Both I and my female CW had left together by 10:15.
My guess? She called the WRONG STORE to complain.
Guy wants to break a 100 (how many stories do we even HAVE of this?) and when we can't he says this little gem which made me wonder for his children: "Do you guys do like a hundren an HOUR? You HAVE to have something IN there."
To which my CW replies: "You do realize it doesn't stay in the drawer right? That we put it in a safe?"
D-bags:
Our Fountain machine is broken, which means no fountain sodas and no ice. This is what occurs:
SC: I ordered a combo with a drink and YOUR fountain machine isn't working.
CW: You can still get an iced tea or a slushie.
SC: I didn't WANT an iced tea or a slushie.
CW: .........I can refund it.
SC: I WANT A DRINK.
CW: Okay? So get one out of the cooler.
SC: I want two 16oz sodas out of the cooler for this price.
CW: Absolutely not.
SC: WHY?!
CW: Number one: A combo drink is .87, if I let you get two sodas out of the cooler that's a totally different animal. You'd be stealing essentially. Number two, that would screw up inventory.
SC: Well I don't see how this is ANY DIFFERENT.
CW: That doesn't change the fact that you can't do it. Now I can refund the price of the combo drink and you can pay for the cooler drinks but there were signs on the fountain sodas there's no reason you should have ordered a drink.
SC:
*grumble grumble grumble*It got to the point where old ladies were telling us that their day was "ruined" because they couldn't get their pepsi. Seriously? If that's what ruins your day I'd hate to see what you say when your cat pees on a rug.
I put up a sign that was a little harsh but it did the trick. "DO NOT ORDER a combo with the intent of getting a fountain drink. It is OUT OF ORDER."
So today a woman comes in and wants a manager. Manager is gone.
SC: I want his phone number.
Me: No. You can call the store *jots down store phone number* between six AM and two PM and ask for *Awesome Manager*
SC: Well I was in here last week I think and I ordered one of your sausages from over there and I got terribly sick from it. You need to cook your meat better or longer because it made me go to the hospital.
Me: .............we don't cook raw meat.
SC: What?
Me: Everything is precooked. Here, I'll let you speak with the Deli Manager.
SC: Is he here?
Me: ....SHE is right over there.
So DM tells her the same thing but with more detail. We would have been closed down along with several other stores if there was anything to make someone sick from our food. We are literally not licensed to cook raw foods, we are NOT ALLOWED. All we do is heat the shit up and serve it. That's why it's safe to just pop a hotdog into the microwave if someone orders one too many, because the microwave doesn't have to COOK the thing, it just has to heat it up.
HURR DURR. If she was looking for compensation she left rejected. She seemed to STOMP out of the store. My AM won't stand for that either. We would have heard something about it by now.
........wut?
Woman comes up to the counter with a yellow tag that states "Audit in Process." It's leftover from yesterday, it happens. It's about five inches long and light yellow. It is a PIECE OF PAPER. Woman places the tag down on the counter and blurts out of her accursed blathering mouth something I can only seem to imagine bursting from the lips of one of Gravekeeper's tomentors.
"Is this a banana?"
............................let that sink in......................................
To which my CW replies (without missing a beat, bless her dark cold heart) "No, it's a banana IMPERSONATOR."
He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.
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