Thanks, Mom.

[ZedOmega]

For when the end times begin and the dark hordes of the north shambling southward to fill our streets with their ravenous hunger, it is not the shotgun you should reach for. It is the bookshelf.

Can I use this line? Please?

[EvilEmpryss]

How sad is it when the most rational explanation for something is a bisexual threesome?

Sorry, but that's the only kind *I* would ever participate in. If it's all men, then I'm not actually involved. If it's all women, then *why* would I be involved?

[Munkie]

well, i suppose she must purge the awful skytrain events somewhere, so...

chainedbarista... GK is a guy. I know, his dulcet tones are hard to resist and his intelligence so devastatingly sexy... but he's still male.

I <3 GK. I have him on a pedestal somewhere. And hand him cookies. And whatever alcoholic beverage he wishes. And then I get beaten back by the resk of the GK Harem.

[KMMCurly]

“Because oh man, your dad just gave it hard to me and Mark later that night.”.

Wow. You know it's bad when that line actually made me whimper.

Pass the

[Mr Hero]

You Do Realize I Have A Call Counter, Right?

Me: “Are you calling to book a hotel room?”
SC: “Well I WAS! But I’ve been on hold for 15 minutes!”

You’ve been on hold for approximately 1 minutes, 37 seconds according to the counter. Which makes this a rather odd disparity. Granted, you are standing in an airport……Normally I would make some crack about a singularity or other time distorting affect at your location. Because I am a nerd and enjoy the pointless application of science. However, airports really do have some sort of inherent time distortion that has yet to be explained by the science in question. I do not believe the phenomena even has a name yet. So for the time being I will refer to it as a Time Airport Relativity Distortion or T.A.R.D. or shor-....er, wait. Ok, how about a Time Wasting Airport Telecommunication or T.W.....ok, maybe not. Hmm...this is harder then I thought. Right, I can do this. Ok, lets call this a Call Unifying Negative Temporal Fusing Or Selective Sense In Length or C.U.N.T.F.O.S.S.I.L. for short, yeah, there g-....er...ok perhaps not. Right, lets just let science name it.

First you create a new term (Cunt Fossil) and then you give it a hilarious appropriate acronym. I must find this Alaska cruise ship girl and join her congregation.

[BookstoreEscapee]

your dad just gave it hard to me and Mark later that night.”.

Am I the only one wondering where the emphasis belongs in this sentence? As in, should it read as:

Dad gave it hard to Mom, and then Dad gave it hard to Mark later; or

Dad gave it hard to Mom, and then Mark gave it hard to Mom later?

The grammar nazi in me wants to know.

[Sonoma]

all around.

Gravekeeper, I love your witty attacks on your callers, but must you share your Skytrain adventures with us?

Yes, he must. GK's Skytrain stories make our transit riders seem normal...even the lady with her hairdo consisting of a large number of torn up envelope boxes.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I commuted on the train to Philly for a year...I never saw anything so interesting...

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Thanks, Mom.
( The girl in question cannot be older than 11 >< ).
....
I am not even going to attempt to extrapolate events from any of that in the interests of decency and maintaining sanity. I will just let it stand as is and let the power of imagination take you to places you do not want to go.

I feel like Brittany Spears in that one episode of South Park. Y'know, the one where she doesn't have the majority of her head?
... Or maybe I'd feel better if I got a lobotomy like that?




Although... a three-way is something to spice up life, if done right, yeah?
o__o

[Muses_nightmare]

Noble Sacrifice

I barely avoided an entirely different form of death this evening. The intellectual sort. For there, on the Skytrain, was one of the most feared, most persistent and most deplorable creatures to wander public transit: The Talker. You likely know this creature. You have encountered it at some point in your life in public. This is the person that is under the tragically mistaken impression that because you are within 15 feet of them, this means you really really like them and clearly want to talk to them. And by “to them” I mean they really just want to wander over and make mouth sounds at you. Until you finally get sick of it and tell them off. At which point they will act offended and make additional mouth sounds about how rude you are.

I had a woman inform me of her Australian boyfriend (she made a specific point of saying he was Australian) who was accusing her of...something, she never made it clear what but she was apparently asking me, a complete stranger, for relationship advice. Said person insisted on calling me sweetheart. This is why I hate when my Ipod dies, noise cancelling headphones are a lifesaver on skytrain, fer serious. Avoiding some of the sights when it comes to transferring at Broadway on the other hand, is not so easy.

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

So he's being deported from Canada and has an arrest warrant in the U.S.
Now, I am no genius, but I would think that if his options are a country where they want to put him in jail or another country where they don't, he would be better off going to the second country. And I am sure once he arrives in Rome, the collective Italian IQ will drop several points.

...not to mention the fact that the "strong cooperation" between the Italian and the U.S. governments (at least from the Italian side) would get him packed up and sent to the USA pronto. No, really - an American friend of mine who had moved to Italy was arrested for having failed to pay a parking ticket in Houston, Texas for several months (then everything was fixed, apparently the notification was sent after he left the country).

Keep that in mind, gentle readers. For when the end times begin and the dark hordes of the north shambling southward to fill our streets with their ravenous hunger, it is not the shotgun you should reach for. It is the bookshelf.

Can I use this line? Please?

Me too? Please?

[Gravekeeper]

Then I am living in Fort Doom to the northern hordes, as my living room is a library containing close to 500 books.

You're also quite far south. I imagine the horde would be rather thinned out by the time it made it there. If at all. Granted, "Horde" is probably the wrong term. The northern wastelands aren't that populated. Nevermind the issue of navigation. Its not as if they're going to be able to read maps or roadsigns and they a have a rather large area to cover before they get anywhere near civilization...

...you know the prospect of them rising up as an undead swarm isn't really that frightening come to think of it. We probably wouldn't even be aware of it aside from an odd string of deaths due to hypothermia throughout northern Manitoba.

chainedbarista... GK is a guy. I know, his dulcet tones are hard to resist and his intelligence so devastatingly sexy... but he's still male.

Oh god, it's even happening here. And you guys can't even hear my voice on calls. What is it now? Do I write like a girl? <sob>

Me too? Please?

You're both welcome too, I'm just not sure how you'd fit it into conversation. >.>

Avoiding some of the sights when it comes to transferring at Broadway on the other hand, is not so easy.

Luckily, I have no cause to ever get on or get off the Skytrain at Broadway. What I see through the window is bad enough.

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

You're both welcome too, I'm just not sure how you'd fit it into conversation. >.>

At first it'll fit in my signature. Then, we'll see.

[bsaana]

Don't judge, man. Don't judge. There are pictures of this sort of thing on the walls in Pompeii.

Yes there are... And they too can be quite distrubing. Have you had the chance to check out the Naples National Museum? If you get the chance, you want to visit the Seceret Room and the paintings and other items taken from Pompeii.

[Magpie]

...you know the prospect of them rising up as an undead swarm isn't really that frightening come to think of it. We probably wouldn't even be aware of it aside from an odd string of deaths due to hyperthermia throughout northern Manitoba.

Fixed it for you . (C'mon, this is the Territories we're talking about. Which seems more likely if they hit Manitoba?)