Old man cookie and other tales of Café Woe (LONG)

[MMATM]

I met a man today whom I have dubbed "Old Man Cookie". Not sure why, just it was the first thing that popped into my head. Details follow. Warning in case you missed the title, this post is LONG.

Me: Yours truly
OMC: Old Man Cookie
S: Manager

BACKGROUND: This elderly "gentleman" (Old Man Cookie) appeared in our store at about 3 today (Sunday). We close at 4. Today was a slow day for coffee and a huge day for other stuff (parties often order lots of food, and the Patriots were on at 1). OMC stood on the far side of the store from the counter and perused the menu for a bit. Finding nothing he liked, he then came around and stood at the counter...

S: *Looks up from cleaning prep table, sees that I am waiting for OMC, returns to cleaning*
Me: "Can I help you sir?" *Putting on gloves*
OMC: *Looking on pastries at counter* "......."
Me: *Pause, wait for inevitable order that never comes*
OMC decides to take one of our cookies up to the register. I am the closest one so I take off my gloves and go to ring him up.
OMC: *Places cookie on counter*
Me: *Rings up sale* "That's $1.65 sir."
OMC: *Disgusted "phew" noise, sort of like an inverted snort*
Me: (To self) "I can't blame him, the cookies are way overpriced."
OMC: *Puts change on counter, then hands me a dollar bill*
Me: "Thank you sir." *Pulls "short" size coffee cup from stack* "Sir, would you like some free coffee? We have to get r-"
OMC: "Nononononono! I don't want- Did you charge me for coffee?" *Suspicious look*
Me: "No sir."
OMC: "Good." *Walks away with cookie*

This was fairly mild compared to some less recent incidents, but really. First of all, the coffee he didn't drink (and no one else did either) had to be thrown away at the end of the day and while I can't force anyone to take anything from me for free, was I that wrong to expect a "no, thanks"? I mean I was a little ticked that he dropped all his change on the counter, but it was understandable since he had to go back for a bill. And I get his reaction to prices all the time (we're a small, independently owned business so our prices can't be as low as some other places). But I've never had anyone get mad over me offering them anything for free.

Sorry for the long story, but this guy threw me totally for a loop. Add that to the fact that I was the only football fan in our store that had to work during the Patriots game (one other guy was supposed to but his "dad had an accident" about half an hour before gametime and he went outside to join his waiting friends.

NEXT UP: The sound of sliced bread! Stay tuned!

[iradney]

he said NO to free coffee?
NO? to FREE COFFEE??
he must be an alien! coffee is the most wonderous, splendiforous drink in the multiverse!
(can you tell i haven't gotten much sleep and am running on caffeine?? )

[Jester]

he must be an alien! coffee is the most wonderous, splendiforous drink in the multiverse!

My liver agrees with you.

Of course, I haven't talked to my liver in years. The rest of my decaffeinated body says you're insane, since everyone knows that blessed beer is the greatest liquid creation ever.

[iradney]

The rest of my decaffeinated body says you're insane, since everyone knows that blessed beer is the greatest liquid creation ever.

LOL - but one cup of coffee doesn't make me dance on tables. One glass of beer does...
i'm a cheap date...

back on topic - i still can't believe he yelled at you for offering you free coffee.

[Jester]

LOL - but one cup of coffee doesn't make me dance on tables. One glass of beer does...

I rest my case that beer is a better liquid creation than coffee. Thank you for providing such compelling evidence!

[Deceptitech]

He said no to free coffee?

*brain explodes*

[MMATM]

I could understand the "no" part (I mean coffee makes a lot of people, uh, urinate and the elderly are notoriously bad at suppressing the urge to do so) but getting mad at me for it was a bit... excessive?

[iradney]

yeah, it's like:
HOW DARE YOU OFFER ME SOMETHING AT NO EXTRA COST TO MYSELF YOU YOUNG HUSSY!

[Lace Neil Singer]

I thought the elderly always jumped on anything offered free. Maybe he thought coffee was evil?

[Becks]

Maybe "free coffee" gets translated in his mind as "I'll charge you $254874103658542.21 for this" followed by insane laughter.

[iradney]

maybe he thought you were trying to pick him up? you know, a variation on the old "so...wanna come up to my place for 'coffee'?"



k, or not

[karma_gypsy]

OMC: "Nononononono! I don't want- Did you charge me for coffee?" *Suspicious look*
Me: "No sir."
OMC: "Good." *Walks away with cookie*

"Why, yes I did charge you for that free coffee . . ."

[MMATM]

Sorry to dig this one up, but I never got to the other stories and have already started altogether too many threads (in my opinion) so I'll put the other tales of café woe here.

Old Lady and the Bread Slicer Suckiness: 3/10
One of our bread slicers (for thin-slicing bread) started making loud rattling noises when it was turned on. I, being the most technically-inclined of the employees on that day, decided to try and fix it as things were slow and I might get stuck doing a crappy job (like those seen in this thread so I climbed under the defunct slicer and had one of my coworkers turn it on. Nothing appeared wrong, so I had them turn it off and climbed halfway out to ask for a flashlight. I was explaining to my coworker that I couldn't really see anything when a voice came over the counter:

OL = Old Lady
L = Coworker
Me = The man himself

OL: Could you do that some other time?
L: Huh?
Me: *Getting up* Pardon? (We really hadn't heard her)
OL: You see, my parents have come from really far away to visit, and they're already upset with the noise in here, and that's just too loud.
L: Um... *Looks at me*
Me: Uh, ok. Sorry about that ma'am.
OL: *Leaves*
The lady walked over to a pair of old people at a table, presumably her parents, who I'd seen in the store before and who were some of the nicest old folks I'd ever met (not like OMC, see OP).
We were unable to use it for the rest of the day, because despite the fact that OL and her parents had each ordered only a coffee and scone (or muffin) they took until nearly closing before they left. On the upside, OL's mother came up to me and ordered a cannoli, then bought it ($1.25) and left her change plus a dollar for a tip... despite my not having to do anything other than hand her a pastry from the display case.
The bread slicer, being a finicky piece of junk, worked fine the next day when we opened. It had not been maintained during the night, it just decided to stop making old women angry.

The Disservice Animal Suckiness: 5/10
One sunny Saturday two girls came into the store. They came in together but ordered separately. However, they sat together in the one booth that is nearly impossible to see from behind the counter. After about 20 minutes, my manager noticed that they had a dog with them (not allowed) which they had apparently shuffled off to the corner where they sat before ordering.
/Backstory

S = Manager
D = Dog
G1 = Girl 1 (whom I did not recognize)
G2 = Girl 2 (whom I thought I recognized as a friend's girlfriend)
L = Coworker
Me = Moi

S: Is that a dog? I'm sorry, but we cannot allow animals in the store.
G1: It's a service dog. *Pointing at blue vest that the dog was wearing*
Me: (to L) What kind of service? Neither of them are blind...
L: (to me) I don't know. Is it allowed anywhere cause it's a service dog?
Me: (to L) No idea.
S: What? Service? (Does not know what a service dog is)
L: A service dog.
G2: He's allowed anywhere people are. He's a service dog.
Me: (to S and L) I don't think he's legally a service dog unless he's performing a service.
S: (to me) Are you sure?
Me: (to S) Unfortunately, no.
S: I don't think he can be here.
G1: He can! He's a service dog! It's [all together now] against the law for you to deny service!
Me: (to S) Actually, we can deny service to anyone, for any reason.
S: I don't want dogs in the store. They aren't allowed.
G1: We'll call the police! You can't send us out because of him! And you can't make us take him out! We'll sue!
D: Woof.
Me: (to S) If you want, you can now send them out for causing a disturbance because the dog barked.
S: I'm not going to force you to leave, but if that dog barks again I will.
G1: You can't! He's allowed to go anywhere because he's a service dog!
Right about now G2 starts to leave, as she has finished her tea and cookie while her friend has been making an ass of herself.
G1: Don't leave! They can't make us go!
G2: But I'm done. You were done before, so we can go.
G1: I'm calling the newspaper about you! You'll lose so much business you'll have to close!
*Exit dog and girls, G1 still ranting at G2 about "the principle of it"*

Now, keep in mind that the store is in a small town, with two newspapers, neither of which has a readership of more than about 5,000 regularly, despite the fact that they are free papers delivered to everyone in the town. Also, about 2/3 of the store's business comes from out of town and about 80% of the people who shop at the store are semi-regulars who don't mind paying a little more for goods here than they would at the supermarket next door. Also, there is no Dunkies in our town and we primarily serve coffee and bagels and the like. In any case, I never saw a complaint letter in the paper.

As a point of inquiry, is a service dog "allowed anywhere" even when they are not performing a service? And what other services can dogs perform besides seeing-eye dogs? The fact that the dog barked at all suggests that it was not actually a service dog, as I thought seeing-eye dogs (and I assume other service dogs as well) are trained not to bark as they would cause a scene in public. The dog also did not have any special tags that I could see, and no identifying accessories other than the blue vest. Opinions/clarification, anyone?

Next up: The Little SC That Couldn't!

[AFpheonix]

Dogs can be used by epileptics to help them know when they're about to have a seizure, and get to a safe place before they let loose, they are also used by people with mobility issues, too.

On the bright side, it wasn't a seeing eye pony.

I dunno....minis are usually the epitome of evil, I don't know that I would trust one to not take me out in the middle of traffic just because....

[MMATM]

The Little SC That Couldn't Suckiness: 6/10
One of my coworkers (working on the register right next to me) was privy to this one, but I heard the whole thing since I was two feet away and took minor part.

L = Coworker
K = Sucky Customer Kid (Probably about 12ish, maybe 13)
Me = Three guesses

L: *Before ringing up K* Is that all? *Looks at items on counter*
K: *Holding coupons* Yup.
L: Are you using those coupons?
K: Yes. *Glares at L* Just ring up the stuff and then I'll give you the coupons to take off of it.
L: That's not the way coupons work here. We have to look at the discount offered and enter the discounted price.
K: No, it's not! You just put in the stuff I bought and then I give you these and you take them off!
L: No, trust me. I know how to do it. I have to take the coupons first and take the coupon discount off of the prices of the things you bought, then put the discounted price into the register.
K: No! I know how those machines work! You put in the items first and then subtract the coupons! Hit "minus" and then type in the amount! Duh!
L: There is no "minus" key. This is a cash register, not a calculator.
K: But there has to be a minus key! That's how you enter coupons! What happens is you type in the price of all the stuff and then minus the price on the coupons!
L: Look, I don't type in the price of anything. I push one button and it automatically does the price of that item. I don't push the numbers to ring up items unless there are coupons.
K: But there are coupons! Just Put in my stuff! Then push the buttons for the coupons to take off the coupons prices!
L: *Sees an opening* I need to see your coupons first!
K: Fine! Jeez! You people need to learn your jobs! You can't put in the coupons first or I'd have to pay less than nothing! Stupid! *Hands over coupons*
L calculates (in her head) the price of each item minus the coupon discount, which is not complicated because we see the same coupons every day. She starts typing in the discounted price.
K: See! I told you, you have to type in the prices by hand and then take the coupons off!
L ignores him and finishes ringing up his stuff. K produces a gift certificate. L turns to me to get the total remaining on the gift certificate after the purchase. I look at her register and do the math in my head.
K: *Shouting* There should be 4.35 left! It's a twenty dollar gift certificate and the price was sixteen dollars and sixty-five cents! I did it in my head! God you guys are dumb! God! I could work here for crying out loud! How long does it take to subtract sixteen sixty-five from twenty? God!
L hands K back his gift certificate with "$3.35" written (ever so slowly by myself to drag out the irony) next to where the "$20.00" is now crossed out.
K: What? You guys are so stupid! Sixteen sixty-five plus three thirty-five is only nineteen dollars! What happened to the other one! Stupid! You're stealing my dollar!
Me: Sixteen dollars plus three dollars is nineteen dollars. Sixty-five cents plus thirty-five cents is one dollar. Nineteen dollars plus one dollar equals twenty dollars.
K: *Rushes out door with items*

More to come...