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It's late summer and our family practice clinic is getting the classics:
1. Parent drops off camp or sports form to be filled out for kid "I'll be back in 30 minutes to pick it up". Uh, no. A). Kid hasn't been seen in 15 months, and that was for a sore throat. Last physical was years ago. B). We are busy seeing patients, dealing with phone calls & refills, not gonna drop everything & fill out a form for little Mr. Son-of-EW. "Can't you just fill it out and we'll make an appointment soon?" Uh, that's fraud...
2. Parent books 2 or more kids back-to-back, and shows up at the latest of the multiple times. With no paperwork completed. "Can't you just squeeze kid A in?" Uh, why don't you ask the next patient; who's already here?
3. Parent drops kid off with no insurance card, no paperwork, no signed permission to give kid immunizations, and leaves. Parent gabs on cell phone and won't pick up when called. A sibling is supposed to pick the kid up. Can't start 6th grade without shots. "Why couldn't you just give him the shots?" Uh, it's not legal...
4. The Boy Scouts now have height/weight maximums for activities wherein the scouts will be 30 or more minutes from advanced medical care. Over half the scouts coming in fail to qualify. "Can't you just say he weighs X?" Well, that's fraud, and anyone with half a brain can look at the kid and tell he weighs 75 lbs more than that.
5. "He just was in, can't you just fill the form out without us having to come in again?" He was in for hay fever. He's going out for football, a high-injury sport. Your co-pay is $20. That's the cost of a pizza. Isn't your son's health worth a pizza?
6. Kids parents are divorced, kid goes to school in a district 35 miles from us, but one parent lives here. "Why don't you have the sports form for Hinterland School District? This is terrible, you should have that! She's been a patient here all her life, you should have her school forms!" Fortunately most districts now have them online, but not Hinterland.... "Can't you just call them and have them fax one?" Uh, it's after 4:00, no one is there. What's wrong with bringing the form you were given at school?
7. Appointments very booked up. Parent makes one kid an appointment, brings in form(s) for other kid(s). "Can't you just fill these out real quick"? Uh, no.
8. Schedule is double-booked out the ying-yang. "Can't you just squeeze him in? Football practice starts in an hour and he has to have his form!!!" Uh, I believe the classic line is "Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for us".
9. Kid has never been seen here. Needs complete shot records to enter school. Parents have no idea what shots kid has had, no records, and no idea what clinic gave the shots in the first place. "Why don't you have records of her shots? Can't you just put something down saying she's had all her shots, we know she has!" Uh, medical records don't magically beam themselves from clinic to clinic, and no, I don't feel like committing fraud today.
10. Kid is going out for football, was injured last season, never saw a doctor, exam today shows his shoulder is unstable from dislocation and he needs surgery before he can play. "But it's his senior year! He's gonna get a scholarship! Can't you just let him play?" Right, I'll let you call my malpractice insurance and explain that one.
11. Kid sustained a concussion in a practice or game. Under our state law, strict rules about how long he/she must be out of practice and games. "Can't you just say it wasn't a concussion?" A two-fer! Malpractice AND breaking state law! Sure, what the hell, why not? NOT!
This is why I try to schedule a vacation the last week before school starts, every summer. Normally love my job, but I can't stand the SC factor of that week.
1. Parent drops off camp or sports form to be filled out for kid "I'll be back in 30 minutes to pick it up". Uh, no. A). Kid hasn't been seen in 15 months, and that was for a sore throat. Last physical was years ago. B). We are busy seeing patients, dealing with phone calls & refills, not gonna drop everything & fill out a form for little Mr. Son-of-EW. "Can't you just fill it out and we'll make an appointment soon?" Uh, that's fraud...
2. Parent books 2 or more kids back-to-back, and shows up at the latest of the multiple times. With no paperwork completed. "Can't you just squeeze kid A in?" Uh, why don't you ask the next patient; who's already here?
3. Parent drops kid off with no insurance card, no paperwork, no signed permission to give kid immunizations, and leaves. Parent gabs on cell phone and won't pick up when called. A sibling is supposed to pick the kid up. Can't start 6th grade without shots. "Why couldn't you just give him the shots?" Uh, it's not legal...
4. The Boy Scouts now have height/weight maximums for activities wherein the scouts will be 30 or more minutes from advanced medical care. Over half the scouts coming in fail to qualify. "Can't you just say he weighs X?" Well, that's fraud, and anyone with half a brain can look at the kid and tell he weighs 75 lbs more than that.
5. "He just was in, can't you just fill the form out without us having to come in again?" He was in for hay fever. He's going out for football, a high-injury sport. Your co-pay is $20. That's the cost of a pizza. Isn't your son's health worth a pizza?
6. Kids parents are divorced, kid goes to school in a district 35 miles from us, but one parent lives here. "Why don't you have the sports form for Hinterland School District? This is terrible, you should have that! She's been a patient here all her life, you should have her school forms!" Fortunately most districts now have them online, but not Hinterland.... "Can't you just call them and have them fax one?" Uh, it's after 4:00, no one is there. What's wrong with bringing the form you were given at school?
7. Appointments very booked up. Parent makes one kid an appointment, brings in form(s) for other kid(s). "Can't you just fill these out real quick"? Uh, no.
8. Schedule is double-booked out the ying-yang. "Can't you just squeeze him in? Football practice starts in an hour and he has to have his form!!!" Uh, I believe the classic line is "Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for us".
9. Kid has never been seen here. Needs complete shot records to enter school. Parents have no idea what shots kid has had, no records, and no idea what clinic gave the shots in the first place. "Why don't you have records of her shots? Can't you just put something down saying she's had all her shots, we know she has!" Uh, medical records don't magically beam themselves from clinic to clinic, and no, I don't feel like committing fraud today.
10. Kid is going out for football, was injured last season, never saw a doctor, exam today shows his shoulder is unstable from dislocation and he needs surgery before he can play. "But it's his senior year! He's gonna get a scholarship! Can't you just let him play?" Right, I'll let you call my malpractice insurance and explain that one.
11. Kid sustained a concussion in a practice or game. Under our state law, strict rules about how long he/she must be out of practice and games. "Can't you just say it wasn't a concussion?" A two-fer! Malpractice AND breaking state law! Sure, what the hell, why not? NOT!
This is why I try to schedule a vacation the last week before school starts, every summer. Normally love my job, but I can't stand the SC factor of that week.
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