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  • Sue us? Ok... go for it.

    I get 2 or 3 of these a day. and normally don't say anything but here's the story.

    If you, Mr.Sucky Customer call in and threaten to sue my company there's a few things you should understand. First, you were disconnected because you can't be bothered to pay your bills on time or give us a call when the bill falls behind so we can help you. When you threaten to sue us, I don't really care. If you can't even pay your bill what makes you think you'll be able to afford a lawyer? They're expensive. Secondly, the board you'll be taking us to is the one who established the rules for disconnection processes. Third, you'll be suing a fortune 500 company. Our lawyers are scary.

    Secondly, don't threaten to sue me. What are you going to do, take my house? My landlord will be quite upset. Are you going to take my car? If you can get it to start then it's yours. garnish my wages? Sure, how about you and my student loan fight over who gets my paycheck. So sure, sue me. You'll just be wasting more money that could be spent on catching up your account. Oh, and calling 29 times a day to get your power reconnected. It doesn't matter how much you call, you'll still be on when the dispatcher decides to send your order. Oh and don't get mad when you get the same information over and over every time you call in. I'm going to tell you what the last guy told you.

    Oh, and don't threaten me with violence. I have where you live right here in front of me. Expect a turd in your mailbox soon.

  • #2
    I like it when people threaten to sue us. Then I get to tell them I'm no longer able to represent the company since they're taking legal action, and hang up on them. They usually get very amusing and start yelling HEY! HEY! as I go through my closing spiel and end the call. I do hope they got the attention of whoever they were yelling at over there.

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    • #3
      I always enjoy the "I'll sue you" customers. One didn't plan to sue the company, but ME IN PERSON.
      Hmm, deserves its own story I guess...
      FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC

      You're not a unique snowflake unless you create your own mould (Raps)

      ***GK, Sarcastro, Lupo, LingualMonkey, BookBint, Jester, Irv, Hero & Marlowe fan***

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      • #4
        I have a way of dealing with those.

        I just simply say "if you wish to sue us, at this point, you are now required to talk to our legal department. Here, I'll get their number for you. *turns to supervisor* Hey <sup>! Can you get me the number for the legal department?"
        The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

        Now queen of USSR-Land...

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        • #5
          Our friendly legal staff would be happy to help you sue us today for a special low price of $129,999,999.99. Please hold.

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          • #6
            Quoth fireheart17 View Post
            I have a way of dealing with those.

            I just simply say "if you wish to sue us, at this point, you are now required to talk to our legal department. Here, I'll get their number for you. *turns to supervisor* Hey <sup>! Can you get me the number for the legal department?"
            That's the best way to handle a situation like that. I bet they aren't expecting that and it will shut them up real quick.

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            • #7
              Quoth Brojekk View Post
              That's the best way to handle a situation like that. I bet they aren't expecting that and it will shut them up real quick.
              They're expecting you to say, "OH NOES!! LAWYERS R SCAREE!!!! WHAT U WANT SCAREE HAVE A LAWYER PERSON!! I GIVE U WHAT U WANT!"

              They're definitely notexpecting you to say, "YOU have a lawyer? What an amazing coincidence! We have lawyers too! How about that, huh? Maybe your lawyer and our lawyers should get together and chat!"

              Had a guy come in one night. It had been raining, so the floor had some slippery spots. We had the "Slippery When Wet" signs out. I was straightening out and stocking something or other when this guy walked up to me, and commented on how slick the floor was in places, and how there weren't enough signs around, and what if he was to slip, and what would his lawyer have to say about that?

              I looked at him, and told him he was standing right next to a sign saying "WET FLOOR-SLIPPERY" sign, and if he was going to pull the lawyer card, that was fine, my company's got lawyers too.

              He took great offense at this, and objected to the turn the conversation had taken, and again, wondered what his lawyer would say to that?

              I stopped what I was doing, looked him in the eye for a bit and then said, "My ass. You came in here and used the 'L' word and hoped I'd be all scared and then give you free things to keep the scary lawyer away from me. No. Uh-uh. Not going to work. What else ya got?"

              Now he's looking like somebody's holding a little turd under his nose. This wasn't going according to plan. He tried again with the casual, "Well, my lawyer . . ."

              I cut him off, "Look, I've been here 16 hours today, and I've got at least another 6 to go before I can leave, and I've got to be back six hours after that (just as an aside to you, Gentle Reader, it's good to be the king. Heh.) I don't have the energy or patience to dance with you right now. You have a lawyer? Fine, so do I. So what? I've wasted enough time with your crap. This is a store. Buy something or get out."

              And playtime was over, he actually pouted as he left. Dumbass.
              I have a map of the world. It's actual size.

              -- Steven Wright

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              • #8
                I actually had to do that with a customer when I worked for "car company". He absolutely refused to accept that we had already done everything we could to help. He kept arguing, and finally resorted to telling me that he had a lawyer on retainer and would be contacting him. Good news for me.....I promptly informed him that since he had legal counsel on retainer, and was getting said legal counsel involved, I was no longer able to discuss the situation with him, and referred him to legal. Hope he had fun.
                That is so full of suck Dyson doesn't know how they did it - shankyknitter

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                • #9
                  Most of the people who attempt to sue end up getting their cases tossed very quickly. For one thing, courts require evidence, not emotions.

                  Even Judge Judy requires evidence. (Well, that's not fair. She's a good judge. I agree with her about 80 % of the time.)
                  Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

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                  • #10
                    Our regional guy loves the "sue us" line too. He likes to say:

                    I tell them to go ahead. You see, they have their one lawyer. Us? The home office has an entire floor of lawyers.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth jedikuonji View Post
                      Our regional guy loves the "sue us" line too. He likes to say:

                      I tell them to go ahead. You see, they have their one lawyer. Us? The home office has an entire floor of lawyers.
                      "We have evidence, precedence, witnesses!"

                      "Well I have ten high-priced lawyers!"

                      "ah....ah....AHHHHHHH"
                      The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                      Now queen of USSR-Land...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I frequently got hit with the "I'm calling my lawyer if the doctor doesn't see me in the next 5 minutes!" line when I worked triage in the ER.

                        My usual response was, "Knock yourself out. We will see you in the order of priority of your complaint," and then to turn to the next person.

                        SC's hate being ignored . . . they never know what to do when the employee isn't intimidated.
                        They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Sarcastro View Post
                          Expect a turd in your mailbox soon.
                          Gotta be careful he might throw it at you!

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                          • #14
                            Quoth fireheart17 View Post
                            I have a way of dealing with those.

                            I just simply say "if you wish to sue us, at this point, you are now required to talk to our legal department. Here, I'll get their number for you. *turns to supervisor* Hey <sup>! Can you get me the number for the legal department?"

                            My department is actually required to take this route if a customers mentions a lawyer: cease all discussion and immediately send them over to the folks in the Legal department.
                            Be a winner today: Pick a fight with a 4 year old.

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                            • #15
                              reminded of the Acts of Gord site
                              cos whenever he gets the lawyer-threat he calls their bluff... and then proceeds with pressing the court case

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