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These things happened this week. Proof that SC's never go far.
Coconut Head
A hotel guest came up to me in the bar and asked if I had a knife. As he was holding a coconut in his hand, I asked what he wanted the knife for. As I suspected, he wanted it to cut open the coconut.
Now, those of you that have actually dealt with a raw coconut firsthand know that it is one of the toughest things to actually cut into. I have seen people hack at one with a machete and not always be able to get into it.
That being said, I was not about to give this guy one of my little (but very sharp) fruit cutting knives, as I kind of like having them be so sharp for cutting fruit. I told him I would talk to the kitchen. The cooks said they would be happy to attempt to open the coconut for him, but they could not give him one of their knives due to liability reasons. I concurred with their opinion. To be honest, I could see one of two things happening if we DID give him a knife:
a. He hurt himself with said knife...quite predictably.
b. He managed to open the coconut without maiming any of his limbs, but in the process, sent coconut innards all over our nice hotel lobby, creating a mess for, and possibly on, other guests.
Neither one of these was acceptable to me, so I told the guest of the cooks' offer.
A rational person would have accepted this offer. But this numbskull refused, saying he wanted to open the coconut himself. So he walked away, coconut still in hand, not happy. I guess being a manly man and opening a defenseless coconut was his idea of nirvana on vacation.
It's My Driveway, and I'll Park if I Want To
The very next day, as I drove into the entrance of the hotel parking lot, which goes by the main entrance, I could see that several vehicles were stopped and not moving. There were three in the offshoot of the driveway where the bellmen unload, and that was not unusual, but there was also a truck stopped, with the driver inside, in the main part of the entrance. Very odd. After several minutes of NOTHING happening, the delivery van behind me backed out of the entrance on to the main street, and I followed suit, circling around to the rear of the hotel and the exit, which I just happened to know had gates that had been broken recently.
Later I found out why no one was moving.
It seemed a guest had driven into the entrance, parked, got out, unloaded all his stuff, checked in, and went up to his room.....the entire time leaving his vehicle parked where it was. NOT in the loading/unloading zone that the bellmen use, either, but the part of the driveway past the point where the two parts merged into one, right in front of the gate. The upshot was, no one could get by this guy's car.
After a while, when it was determined whose car this was, the manager called up to the guy's room and told him he would have to move his car. The guy said something to the effect of "Why?" Yes, he thought it was perfectly acceptable to park in front of the only entrance gate to the parking lot and not let anyone else get through. Eventually, this buffoon came down to talk to the manager....without his car keys. The manager told him again he would have to move his car. Genius goes up to his room, talks to his wife, comes down again....and again doesn't have his keys. And does not seem at all put out by it. FINALLY he went and got his keys and moved his car, but his whole attitude was one of ultimate superiority and selfishness.
Contributing to the Delinquency of My Children
Later that very same night, I was bartending at our rooftop bar, and a gentleman and three young men, apparently his sons, come in to the bar and sit down. The gentleman orders a Scotch, which I serve him, then one of the younger gentleman asks me what kind of beer I have. I tell him, he orders one, and I ask for his ID.
At this point, he gets this look of helplessness on his face, and turns to his father with a desperate look of "Help?" clearly splattered across his grill. And then I had the following conversation with Father Knows Best.
FKB: "They're 18 and 19."
JESTER: "Then I am afraid I can't serve them beer."
FKB: "They have to be 21 down here?"
JESTER: "Yes, sir. This IS still part of the U.S."
FKB: "Oh, I know that, but I thought that you only had to be 18 in Florida."
What? Are you serious, dude? You're in your forties or fifties, and you are seriously going to tell me you don't know that ya have to be 21 to drink? In what state DON'T you have to be 21? Please, you were trying to get your kids beer, and the ploy failed, so stop acting like you didn't know the deal.
Now, I have no personal problem with 18 and 19 year olds drinking if they can get away with it, but it is NOT going to happen at my bar when I am working, thank you very much. You can get them beer on your own (he did say he would give them beer later in their room, which is their business, not mine), but don't try to pull the wool over my eyes, Daddy Dearest.
In other news, my genius boss totally screwed up the new schedule in a multitude of ways.
Again. Wait, I guess that isn't news.
Coconut Head
A hotel guest came up to me in the bar and asked if I had a knife. As he was holding a coconut in his hand, I asked what he wanted the knife for. As I suspected, he wanted it to cut open the coconut.
Now, those of you that have actually dealt with a raw coconut firsthand know that it is one of the toughest things to actually cut into. I have seen people hack at one with a machete and not always be able to get into it.
That being said, I was not about to give this guy one of my little (but very sharp) fruit cutting knives, as I kind of like having them be so sharp for cutting fruit. I told him I would talk to the kitchen. The cooks said they would be happy to attempt to open the coconut for him, but they could not give him one of their knives due to liability reasons. I concurred with their opinion. To be honest, I could see one of two things happening if we DID give him a knife:
a. He hurt himself with said knife...quite predictably.
b. He managed to open the coconut without maiming any of his limbs, but in the process, sent coconut innards all over our nice hotel lobby, creating a mess for, and possibly on, other guests.
Neither one of these was acceptable to me, so I told the guest of the cooks' offer.
A rational person would have accepted this offer. But this numbskull refused, saying he wanted to open the coconut himself. So he walked away, coconut still in hand, not happy. I guess being a manly man and opening a defenseless coconut was his idea of nirvana on vacation.
It's My Driveway, and I'll Park if I Want To
The very next day, as I drove into the entrance of the hotel parking lot, which goes by the main entrance, I could see that several vehicles were stopped and not moving. There were three in the offshoot of the driveway where the bellmen unload, and that was not unusual, but there was also a truck stopped, with the driver inside, in the main part of the entrance. Very odd. After several minutes of NOTHING happening, the delivery van behind me backed out of the entrance on to the main street, and I followed suit, circling around to the rear of the hotel and the exit, which I just happened to know had gates that had been broken recently.
Later I found out why no one was moving.
It seemed a guest had driven into the entrance, parked, got out, unloaded all his stuff, checked in, and went up to his room.....the entire time leaving his vehicle parked where it was. NOT in the loading/unloading zone that the bellmen use, either, but the part of the driveway past the point where the two parts merged into one, right in front of the gate. The upshot was, no one could get by this guy's car.
After a while, when it was determined whose car this was, the manager called up to the guy's room and told him he would have to move his car. The guy said something to the effect of "Why?" Yes, he thought it was perfectly acceptable to park in front of the only entrance gate to the parking lot and not let anyone else get through. Eventually, this buffoon came down to talk to the manager....without his car keys. The manager told him again he would have to move his car. Genius goes up to his room, talks to his wife, comes down again....and again doesn't have his keys. And does not seem at all put out by it. FINALLY he went and got his keys and moved his car, but his whole attitude was one of ultimate superiority and selfishness.
Contributing to the Delinquency of My Children
Later that very same night, I was bartending at our rooftop bar, and a gentleman and three young men, apparently his sons, come in to the bar and sit down. The gentleman orders a Scotch, which I serve him, then one of the younger gentleman asks me what kind of beer I have. I tell him, he orders one, and I ask for his ID.
At this point, he gets this look of helplessness on his face, and turns to his father with a desperate look of "Help?" clearly splattered across his grill. And then I had the following conversation with Father Knows Best.
FKB: "They're 18 and 19."
JESTER: "Then I am afraid I can't serve them beer."
FKB: "They have to be 21 down here?"
JESTER: "Yes, sir. This IS still part of the U.S."
FKB: "Oh, I know that, but I thought that you only had to be 18 in Florida."
What? Are you serious, dude? You're in your forties or fifties, and you are seriously going to tell me you don't know that ya have to be 21 to drink? In what state DON'T you have to be 21? Please, you were trying to get your kids beer, and the ploy failed, so stop acting like you didn't know the deal.Now, I have no personal problem with 18 and 19 year olds drinking if they can get away with it, but it is NOT going to happen at my bar when I am working, thank you very much. You can get them beer on your own (he did say he would give them beer later in their room, which is their business, not mine), but don't try to pull the wool over my eyes, Daddy Dearest.
In other news, my genius boss totally screwed up the new schedule in a multitude of ways.
Again. Wait, I guess that isn't news.
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