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Interesting day today. It seemed to be an endless parade of Sucky Customers that the universe seemed to throw at me today.
So here's but a peek into the abyss that is my job:
We don't handle that...
SC: No, my power isn't totally out my water isn't working.
Me: Ok, so is it just the pump to the well that's without water?
SC: What?
Me: I'm sorry, are you on well water and is the pump the only thing not working?
SC: Well water?! I don't know, I'm not a water expert.
Me: *realization hits me that I'm not dealing with a member of Mensa* ...um, no problem. Is there anything else in the home that isn't working like the AC or the Oven? *this question determines if the outage is due to a phase of power being out which sometimes causes partial outages*
SC: *sigh* Ok, I'll repeat this as slowly as possible. My... water... is... not... working... I have... no water... coming into... my house... got it?!
Me: *deep breath, repeat mantra "no one else will hire you with a felony on your record" and... rage demons suppressed* I understand sir but unfortunately we only provide electric, we wouldn't be able to handle trouble with your water and sewage.
SC: What?! If you don't do it then who would?!
Me: It depends on what the problem is. I would try a plumber or County Water and Sewer if the problem is with water.
SC: Get me your supervisor!
Me: Sure but it's a long wait and they'll just tell you the same thing.
SC: Just get me to a supervisor, I need to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about.
Me: Well, ok...
SC: *mutters just loud enough for me to hear before I transfer him* Fucking idiot.
Me: *conference over to supervisor*
I check the notes on the account 2 minutes later. Supervisor told him the same thing, customer became irate, supervisor hung up on customer. Dude, if I just told you we don't handle water, then we don't handle water. We get these calls all the time. Cable, telephone, Internet, etc. people call us thinking we handle that but every time I tell them that we don't they don't get mad, they thank me for my time and call that other company. 9 times out of 10 I'll go out of my way and look up the phone number they have to dial. Most of the time they realize how dumb is was to call the power company for those other things and apologize. Not this guy. By sheer force of will he was going to make us fix his water. I hate to see what this guy's life is like, walking into Jiffy Lube and demanding haircuts or going to Burger King and flipping the hell out because they didn't have his prescriptions ready.
REALLY?!
Me: .....Power will be on between 7am and 9pm sometime tomorrow.
SC: Are you kidding me!?
Me: Unfortunately not ma'am. But as long as you have your breakers off and meter accessible the crews will be able to connect service without a problem.
SC: You can't be serious!!
Me: That's the timeframe unfortunately.
SC: Are you crazy?!
Me: *getting slightly irritated* No ma'am. The payment was made 4 minutes ago and it's after hours when the crews have stopped working.
SC: Are you kidding me!?
Me: *now at full irritation* Unfortunately not ma'am.
SC: You're kidding me!!
Me: *I'm sure statements expressing incredulity have a certain acceptable limit and I'm sure she's now waaaaay past that point.* No, the timeframe is between 7am and 9pm.
SC: What?!
Me: *Ok, now she's f*cking with me* ............
SC: .............hello?
Me: Yes ma'am, was there something else you needed clarification on?
SC: *diatribe against the company, me, my family, my perceived weight, my rudeness, my academic failures leading to my employment at this job, all ended by the phrase:* "please don't take this personally."
Me: ...Understood. Thank you for calling. Have a nice evening.
Most customers that try to piss me off end up even more pissed off than they were when they called in because normally I either don't react, or I flip it on them and make them feel dumb. Why is it that the people that aren't really trying are always the ones that end up getting to me? And, lady, you just spend 10 minutes attacking me personally and you think that "don't take this personally" will just erase all that? This old lady was either clueless or the most epic troll I've encountered at this job.
How can I have a good night?
At the end of a power outage call...
Me: if you have any questions please make sure to give us a call back.
SC: Oh I'll call back.
Me: Sure ma'am. Thanks for your call. Have a nice evening.
SC: How can I have a good night when my power's out? *to someone in the background* "have a good night" he tells me! *back to me* How can I have a nice evening? Why you tell me to have a "nice evening?"
Me: *annoyed* Because wishing you a horrible evening would be rude and uncalled for...
SC: F*ck you. *click*
Our customers are so classy... Don't test me. I've had a bad week.
Random annoyances
This isn't really a story but just random stuff that I feel a need to vent about.
1. First off, I'm not your mom, or your case worker, or Unicef. Don't ask me what to do with your kids until your power gets reconnected. I don't have any kids. Mostly because if I did I wouldn't be able to afford my electric bill. So don't try to get rhetorical on me and ask me what you're supposed to do with your kids. "what am I supposed to do with my kids?" I don't know have you tried being responsible and paying your bill so they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place? Obviously not. Did you give us a call to set up an extension to prevent the disconnection? Nope! Did you try to get some assistance from an agency that has money to help you when you're having a hard time? Again, nope! So because you want to not handle your business you're trying to make me feel responsible for your kids sweating? Sorry little Billy and Suzy, let's consider this a life lesson. Your parents want you to sweat to death and not play x-box or watch Hanna Montana because they secretly hate you.
2. Ok, when you don't pay your bill the balances accumulate on the next bill. And yes, it does give you a new due date when the new bill is generated. But previous balances are due on the dates that are state on their original bill. Ok, so you got disconnected, and thought the entire bill was due on the NEW due date despite the fact that it clearly states on TWO places on the bill that NEW balances are due on the new due date. But let's follow your logic. If balances roll over onto the next bill, and the next bill always gives you a date in the future to pay the bill, theoretically you could get away with never paying a bill because the balance would always roll over onto the new one that would give you a future due date. And you thought that you were some sort of genius that had found a massive loophole that would render bill payment a voluntary act by dumbasses that couldn't figure out that they could just not pay the bill and everything would be ok. Sorry man, we thought of that. Pay your damn bill.
3. Starting off our phone conversation by interrupting my opening to go on a 20 minute rant about how much my company sucks and we should go out of business isn't going to make me do anything but try to get you off my phone just that much faster so my stats don't get screwed up more than you already have with your diatribe. So no I won't address your diatribe. Just tell me what you need and I'll let you know what I can do. You want to complain, go to your congressman they get paid to hear that, I get paid to get you off the phones as quickly as I can. And if I ask you a yes or no question, then I expect a yes or no answer. I don't need your life story. Your answer should consist of one out of a possible two words.
4. If you call me to get a detailed billing history then have a pen and paper with you. I'm not going to repeat the same damn numbers and dates 12 times so you can sort out everything in your head. Don't call me from your damn car. I'm sure you can take 15 minutes out of your day to stop for a second and call me when your hands are free. Don't call me from the toilet. I can hear everything, EVERYTHING that you're doing in there. My headset picks up more than you think. Keep your shrieking child away from the phone. Put it down somewhere, a crib, a sofa, in the closet, I don't care where. Don't eat during a call it's gross and I can hear you chew and swallow. And while we're on the topic don't belch. Oh, and if you fart I'll probably laugh. Yes, I can hear it when you fart too. Don't call me from the drivethrough at a fast food place WHILE you're ordering and don't have a conversation with someone else while I'm trying to help you and ask you questions. Put me on hold and I'll hold just long enough to not get in trouble when I hang up on you. Oh, and if I ask you if you talked to your bank to see if a certain payment was withdrawn and you say yes, I'm expecting you to mean it. If you're lying to me and I call the bank with you on the line and I find out you never checked with them, I'm going to make you feel really stupid.
Rant over. Crappy day. I need alcohol.
So here's but a peek into the abyss that is my job:
We don't handle that...
SC: No, my power isn't totally out my water isn't working.
Me: Ok, so is it just the pump to the well that's without water?
SC: What?
Me: I'm sorry, are you on well water and is the pump the only thing not working?
SC: Well water?! I don't know, I'm not a water expert.
Me: *realization hits me that I'm not dealing with a member of Mensa* ...um, no problem. Is there anything else in the home that isn't working like the AC or the Oven? *this question determines if the outage is due to a phase of power being out which sometimes causes partial outages*
SC: *sigh* Ok, I'll repeat this as slowly as possible. My... water... is... not... working... I have... no water... coming into... my house... got it?!
Me: *deep breath, repeat mantra "no one else will hire you with a felony on your record" and... rage demons suppressed* I understand sir but unfortunately we only provide electric, we wouldn't be able to handle trouble with your water and sewage.
SC: What?! If you don't do it then who would?!
Me: It depends on what the problem is. I would try a plumber or County Water and Sewer if the problem is with water.
SC: Get me your supervisor!
Me: Sure but it's a long wait and they'll just tell you the same thing.
SC: Just get me to a supervisor, I need to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about.
Me: Well, ok...
SC: *mutters just loud enough for me to hear before I transfer him* Fucking idiot.
Me: *conference over to supervisor*
I check the notes on the account 2 minutes later. Supervisor told him the same thing, customer became irate, supervisor hung up on customer. Dude, if I just told you we don't handle water, then we don't handle water. We get these calls all the time. Cable, telephone, Internet, etc. people call us thinking we handle that but every time I tell them that we don't they don't get mad, they thank me for my time and call that other company. 9 times out of 10 I'll go out of my way and look up the phone number they have to dial. Most of the time they realize how dumb is was to call the power company for those other things and apologize. Not this guy. By sheer force of will he was going to make us fix his water. I hate to see what this guy's life is like, walking into Jiffy Lube and demanding haircuts or going to Burger King and flipping the hell out because they didn't have his prescriptions ready.
REALLY?!
Me: .....Power will be on between 7am and 9pm sometime tomorrow.
SC: Are you kidding me!?
Me: Unfortunately not ma'am. But as long as you have your breakers off and meter accessible the crews will be able to connect service without a problem.
SC: You can't be serious!!
Me: That's the timeframe unfortunately.
SC: Are you crazy?!
Me: *getting slightly irritated* No ma'am. The payment was made 4 minutes ago and it's after hours when the crews have stopped working.
SC: Are you kidding me!?
Me: *now at full irritation* Unfortunately not ma'am.
SC: You're kidding me!!
Me: *I'm sure statements expressing incredulity have a certain acceptable limit and I'm sure she's now waaaaay past that point.* No, the timeframe is between 7am and 9pm.
SC: What?!
Me: *Ok, now she's f*cking with me* ............
SC: .............hello?
Me: Yes ma'am, was there something else you needed clarification on?
SC: *diatribe against the company, me, my family, my perceived weight, my rudeness, my academic failures leading to my employment at this job, all ended by the phrase:* "please don't take this personally."
Me: ...Understood. Thank you for calling. Have a nice evening.
Most customers that try to piss me off end up even more pissed off than they were when they called in because normally I either don't react, or I flip it on them and make them feel dumb. Why is it that the people that aren't really trying are always the ones that end up getting to me? And, lady, you just spend 10 minutes attacking me personally and you think that "don't take this personally" will just erase all that? This old lady was either clueless or the most epic troll I've encountered at this job.
How can I have a good night?
At the end of a power outage call...
Me: if you have any questions please make sure to give us a call back.
SC: Oh I'll call back.
Me: Sure ma'am. Thanks for your call. Have a nice evening.
SC: How can I have a good night when my power's out? *to someone in the background* "have a good night" he tells me! *back to me* How can I have a nice evening? Why you tell me to have a "nice evening?"
Me: *annoyed* Because wishing you a horrible evening would be rude and uncalled for...
SC: F*ck you. *click*
Our customers are so classy... Don't test me. I've had a bad week.
Random annoyances
This isn't really a story but just random stuff that I feel a need to vent about.
1. First off, I'm not your mom, or your case worker, or Unicef. Don't ask me what to do with your kids until your power gets reconnected. I don't have any kids. Mostly because if I did I wouldn't be able to afford my electric bill. So don't try to get rhetorical on me and ask me what you're supposed to do with your kids. "what am I supposed to do with my kids?" I don't know have you tried being responsible and paying your bill so they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place? Obviously not. Did you give us a call to set up an extension to prevent the disconnection? Nope! Did you try to get some assistance from an agency that has money to help you when you're having a hard time? Again, nope! So because you want to not handle your business you're trying to make me feel responsible for your kids sweating? Sorry little Billy and Suzy, let's consider this a life lesson. Your parents want you to sweat to death and not play x-box or watch Hanna Montana because they secretly hate you.
2. Ok, when you don't pay your bill the balances accumulate on the next bill. And yes, it does give you a new due date when the new bill is generated. But previous balances are due on the dates that are state on their original bill. Ok, so you got disconnected, and thought the entire bill was due on the NEW due date despite the fact that it clearly states on TWO places on the bill that NEW balances are due on the new due date. But let's follow your logic. If balances roll over onto the next bill, and the next bill always gives you a date in the future to pay the bill, theoretically you could get away with never paying a bill because the balance would always roll over onto the new one that would give you a future due date. And you thought that you were some sort of genius that had found a massive loophole that would render bill payment a voluntary act by dumbasses that couldn't figure out that they could just not pay the bill and everything would be ok. Sorry man, we thought of that. Pay your damn bill.
3. Starting off our phone conversation by interrupting my opening to go on a 20 minute rant about how much my company sucks and we should go out of business isn't going to make me do anything but try to get you off my phone just that much faster so my stats don't get screwed up more than you already have with your diatribe. So no I won't address your diatribe. Just tell me what you need and I'll let you know what I can do. You want to complain, go to your congressman they get paid to hear that, I get paid to get you off the phones as quickly as I can. And if I ask you a yes or no question, then I expect a yes or no answer. I don't need your life story. Your answer should consist of one out of a possible two words.
4. If you call me to get a detailed billing history then have a pen and paper with you. I'm not going to repeat the same damn numbers and dates 12 times so you can sort out everything in your head. Don't call me from your damn car. I'm sure you can take 15 minutes out of your day to stop for a second and call me when your hands are free. Don't call me from the toilet. I can hear everything, EVERYTHING that you're doing in there. My headset picks up more than you think. Keep your shrieking child away from the phone. Put it down somewhere, a crib, a sofa, in the closet, I don't care where. Don't eat during a call it's gross and I can hear you chew and swallow. And while we're on the topic don't belch. Oh, and if you fart I'll probably laugh. Yes, I can hear it when you fart too. Don't call me from the drivethrough at a fast food place WHILE you're ordering and don't have a conversation with someone else while I'm trying to help you and ask you questions. Put me on hold and I'll hold just long enough to not get in trouble when I hang up on you. Oh, and if I ask you if you talked to your bank to see if a certain payment was withdrawn and you say yes, I'm expecting you to mean it. If you're lying to me and I call the bank with you on the line and I find out you never checked with them, I'm going to make you feel really stupid.
Rant over. Crappy day. I need alcohol.
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