Tweet
Back from vacation. 
Miss me?
On with the show <wince>
I am a Man of Many Names
(Pay attention to many times my title expands this week)
Apparently, I look like a serial killer if the paranoid looks the lady in front of me on the Skytrain gave me every 3 minutes are any indication….every 3 minutes for the entire trip from Edmonds to Granville. The week before I left someone mistook me for Jesus. So I guess this makes me Homicidal Call Center Jesus?
Orderlines - Drunken Lust
I don't think I got a single sober caller on this line tonight. They were all playing some sort of elaborate drinking game where you flip through the catalogue and take a shot every time you see a toque.
I actually had this exchange with one of them:
SC: "Do you have my address?"
Me: "Yes, I have your address."
SC: "Wha, you're going to get dressed?!"
Me: "No, I have your *address*!"
SC: "Oh...."
The worst part was she perked right up when she thought she heard that……I believe I've pointed this out before but additional services to that affect are going to cost you more per minute. She sounded really disappointed when I corrected her...
Orderlines - Confused
"I don't know what it says here!"
Well, that makes two of us. We have something in common! Come, this could be the start of a wonderful friendship, let us spend the night on town! Just let me go get dressed…..
Orderlines - The same damn line again
I've come to the conclusion there's nothing in Nunavet except hats and liquor. Lots of liquor. Which is what leads to exchanges like this one:
Me: "Whats your postal code?"
SC: "Oh I don't know….hang on. HEY! COME HERE!"
I then overhear this conversation:
SC2: "What?"
SC1: "What's the postal code?"
SC2:"For where?...here? ( ?? Where the hell do you think? >< )
SC1: "Yeah"
SC2: "I don't remember….um…"
SC1: "…."
SC2: "Oh Right! Its-"
...and thus the postal code was discovered.
Orderlines - The SAME one again + My ass apparently.
This drama unfolds over multiple acts. A Shakespearian drama if you will. Full of love, hate, intrigue, politics and extensive use of the word "ass".
Round #1
Me: "<insert company name>"
SC: "I'm here for the watch."
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Er….UP YOUR ASS! <click>"
With what precisely? The watch? I'm afraid I'll have to pass. But if you want to be my guest. Hell, video tape it. You could upload it to Youtube and become a viral sensation.
Round #2
Me: "<insert company name>"
SC: "<Insert heavy breathing>"
Me: "Hello?"
SC: "<Insert country music>"
Me: "…right"
That’s always how it happens. One minute you're panting lustfully then BAM, Garth Brooks. Never fails.
Round #3
Me: "<insert company name>"
SC: "UP YOUR ASS! <click>"
My ass seems to be remarkably popular this evening. I'm both alarmed yet oddly proud.
Round #4
Me: "<insert company name>"
SC: "F**king b**ch! <click>"
Wow, you guys must be really bored up there. Its like 3 in the morning, how about you go to bed? Heck, how about you go, brush your teeth, get in your pajamas, rub A1 Steak Sauce all over your backside then walk outside and see if you can find a polar bear. Thanks to global warming the poor things are coming further south looking for food. So head out and do your part for the environment.
I am a Man of Many Names Part 2
Client referred to me as "Keith" for no apparent reason. So if you're keeping a tally, like I am because I have nothing better to do, I am now Keith the Homicidal Call Center Jesus.
Why, God? Why?
Me: "Good morning, <company name>."
SC: "Hi."
Me: "Hi, can I help you?"
SC: "Why are you answering the phone?"
Believe me when I say I ask myself that question every single night.
I am a Man of Many Names Part 3
Caller called me "Robert". So I'm now Robert Keith the Homicidal Call Center Jesus for those of you still keeping track.
I've sunk so low....
A 70 year old woman told me our commercial "sucks" then hung up on me. I've now sunk to the point where I'm being dissed by the elderly.
Hidden Chocolate
Remarkably uneventful tonight. Well, some guy did ask me for a quarter and offered to trade me a peanut butter cup and some Smarties for it…..but other then that. Funny part is I probably would have given him the quarter if he hadn't had offered me a handful of chocolate he pulled out of the dark recesses of his coat.
I admire his attempt at bartering, however chocolate from the bowels of some unshaven scary guy's clothing isn't precisely appetizing. In fact when he offered me chocolate and reached into his clothes I was momentarily terrified he was about to show me something else entirely. Something dark and terrible that would scar me emotionally.
Redneck Love
Me: "Good evening Ba-"
SC: "<BELCH>~!!"
Me: "….."
SC: "Oh, hi"
Apparently, I've interrupted some sort of bizzare redneck telecom courtship ritual. Please, continue. Don't let me interrupt your sweet, sweet flannel serenade.
Hail to the King, Baby
This is word for word a conversation that took place in the office on Saturday morning. ><
Me: Me ^^
KL: My graveyard co-worker
LL: Morning operator that doubles as supervisor for an hour after I leave and before the morning supervisor arrives.
JJ: Team leader from another division
JJ: "Is anyone doing the morning database changes?"
Me: "I'm doing them."
JJ: "LL are you doing them?"
LL: "Gravekeeper's doing them."
Me: " I'm doing them right now!"
LL: "He's still the big boss."
Me: "That's right! Until I walk out that door I am LORD!"
KL: "It's true. In fact 2 or 3 times a night he gets up at his desk and declares himself Lord and all he sees as his kingdom."
Me: "DAMN STRAIGHT!"
KL: "Then he sits back down and cries quietly for a while."
Me: ".....its a small kingdom. <SOB>"
Tech Support
SC: "I inserted $100 then I walked away."
Survey says: That was a Bad Idea™.
But that's what were here for: Making the results of your stupidity all better or at least making you live with the results of it till regular business hours. Personally, the latter of the two is my favourite. Guess which one you're getting?
Verbal Victories
Contrary to what you mistakeningly believe, repeatedly rewording the question will not change my answer. I can assure you that a thesauraus is not the key to victory in the battle you're attempting to wage against me. In fact I would submit that this fight is as woefully lopesided as kicking a puppy with steel toed boots.
I must admit the unfair nature of this engagement almost makes me feel ashamed. Almost.
That was my first week back from work....you know I don't drink but after a few years of this I really understand why some people do.
Miss me?On with the show <wince>
I am a Man of Many Names
(Pay attention to many times my title expands this week)
Apparently, I look like a serial killer if the paranoid looks the lady in front of me on the Skytrain gave me every 3 minutes are any indication….every 3 minutes for the entire trip from Edmonds to Granville. The week before I left someone mistook me for Jesus. So I guess this makes me Homicidal Call Center Jesus?
Orderlines - Drunken Lust
I don't think I got a single sober caller on this line tonight. They were all playing some sort of elaborate drinking game where you flip through the catalogue and take a shot every time you see a toque.
I actually had this exchange with one of them:
SC: "Do you have my address?"
Me: "Yes, I have your address."
SC: "Wha, you're going to get dressed?!"
Me: "No, I have your *address*!"
SC: "Oh...."
The worst part was she perked right up when she thought she heard that……I believe I've pointed this out before but additional services to that affect are going to cost you more per minute. She sounded really disappointed when I corrected her...
Orderlines - Confused
"I don't know what it says here!"
Well, that makes two of us. We have something in common! Come, this could be the start of a wonderful friendship, let us spend the night on town! Just let me go get dressed…..
Orderlines - The same damn line again
I've come to the conclusion there's nothing in Nunavet except hats and liquor. Lots of liquor. Which is what leads to exchanges like this one:
Me: "Whats your postal code?"
SC: "Oh I don't know….hang on. HEY! COME HERE!"
I then overhear this conversation:
SC2: "What?"
SC1: "What's the postal code?"
SC2:"For where?...here? ( ?? Where the hell do you think? >< )
SC1: "Yeah"
SC2: "I don't remember….um…"
SC1: "…."
SC2: "Oh Right! Its-"
...and thus the postal code was discovered.
Orderlines - The SAME one again + My ass apparently.
This drama unfolds over multiple acts. A Shakespearian drama if you will. Full of love, hate, intrigue, politics and extensive use of the word "ass".
Round #1
Me: "<insert company name>"
SC: "I'm here for the watch."
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "Er….UP YOUR ASS! <click>"
With what precisely? The watch? I'm afraid I'll have to pass. But if you want to be my guest. Hell, video tape it. You could upload it to Youtube and become a viral sensation.
Round #2
Me: "<insert company name>"
SC: "<Insert heavy breathing>"
Me: "Hello?"
SC: "<Insert country music>"
Me: "…right"
That’s always how it happens. One minute you're panting lustfully then BAM, Garth Brooks. Never fails.
Round #3
Me: "<insert company name>"
SC: "UP YOUR ASS! <click>"
My ass seems to be remarkably popular this evening. I'm both alarmed yet oddly proud.
Round #4
Me: "<insert company name>"
SC: "F**king b**ch! <click>"
Wow, you guys must be really bored up there. Its like 3 in the morning, how about you go to bed? Heck, how about you go, brush your teeth, get in your pajamas, rub A1 Steak Sauce all over your backside then walk outside and see if you can find a polar bear. Thanks to global warming the poor things are coming further south looking for food. So head out and do your part for the environment.
I am a Man of Many Names Part 2
Client referred to me as "Keith" for no apparent reason. So if you're keeping a tally, like I am because I have nothing better to do, I am now Keith the Homicidal Call Center Jesus.
Why, God? Why?
Me: "Good morning, <company name>."
SC: "Hi."
Me: "Hi, can I help you?"
SC: "Why are you answering the phone?"
Believe me when I say I ask myself that question every single night.
I am a Man of Many Names Part 3
Caller called me "Robert". So I'm now Robert Keith the Homicidal Call Center Jesus for those of you still keeping track.
I've sunk so low....
A 70 year old woman told me our commercial "sucks" then hung up on me. I've now sunk to the point where I'm being dissed by the elderly.
Hidden Chocolate
Remarkably uneventful tonight. Well, some guy did ask me for a quarter and offered to trade me a peanut butter cup and some Smarties for it…..but other then that. Funny part is I probably would have given him the quarter if he hadn't had offered me a handful of chocolate he pulled out of the dark recesses of his coat.
I admire his attempt at bartering, however chocolate from the bowels of some unshaven scary guy's clothing isn't precisely appetizing. In fact when he offered me chocolate and reached into his clothes I was momentarily terrified he was about to show me something else entirely. Something dark and terrible that would scar me emotionally.
Redneck Love
Me: "Good evening Ba-"
SC: "<BELCH>~!!"
Me: "….."
SC: "Oh, hi"
Apparently, I've interrupted some sort of bizzare redneck telecom courtship ritual. Please, continue. Don't let me interrupt your sweet, sweet flannel serenade.
Hail to the King, Baby
This is word for word a conversation that took place in the office on Saturday morning. ><
Me: Me ^^
KL: My graveyard co-worker
LL: Morning operator that doubles as supervisor for an hour after I leave and before the morning supervisor arrives.
JJ: Team leader from another division
JJ: "Is anyone doing the morning database changes?"
Me: "I'm doing them."
JJ: "LL are you doing them?"
LL: "Gravekeeper's doing them."
Me: " I'm doing them right now!"
LL: "He's still the big boss."
Me: "That's right! Until I walk out that door I am LORD!"
KL: "It's true. In fact 2 or 3 times a night he gets up at his desk and declares himself Lord and all he sees as his kingdom."
Me: "DAMN STRAIGHT!"
KL: "Then he sits back down and cries quietly for a while."
Me: ".....its a small kingdom. <SOB>"
Tech Support
SC: "I inserted $100 then I walked away."
Survey says: That was a Bad Idea™.
But that's what were here for: Making the results of your stupidity all better or at least making you live with the results of it till regular business hours. Personally, the latter of the two is my favourite. Guess which one you're getting?
Verbal Victories
Contrary to what you mistakeningly believe, repeatedly rewording the question will not change my answer. I can assure you that a thesauraus is not the key to victory in the battle you're attempting to wage against me. In fact I would submit that this fight is as woefully lopesided as kicking a puppy with steel toed boots.
I must admit the unfair nature of this engagement almost makes me feel ashamed. Almost.
That was my first week back from work....you know I don't drink but after a few years of this I really understand why some people do.
don't ask....
Rule 1 violation.
Comment