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So today is the first Wednesday of October, and thus Another Damn Senior Day, but the suck today did not involve seniors. It involved people wanting to jump the gun on Super Duper Uber Mega Super Stupendous Lowest Prices of the Season tomorrow. I personally received my copy of the flyer in the mail yesterday.
Some Old Guy: (clutching an LPS flyer) "Can I get this price on this crock pot here?"
Sorry, dear friend, but no. That sale does not start until tomorrow, as indicated on the front cover of the flyer. We'd be happy to see you again tomorrow, though. No problem at all, have a good day.
(Authors's note: on Another Damn Senior Day falling the day before LPS, we will offer senior citizen customers a choice: the LPS price on any item(s) in the flyer, or the 15% discount on the total purchase. But it is only one or the other. This may be more flexible than corporate would like us to be, but thus far they aren't raising any objections about it.) Moving right along....
Some woman in toys: (her LPS flyer open to a page of toys) "I don't suppose I could get this price today, could I?"
Sorry, but no. Those prices start tomorrow, as indicated by the "Sale starts Thursday October 7!" printed on the front page. Please visit us again tomorrow if you'd like to take advantage of that price. Thanks and have a good day.
Some guy: "You've got these bookcases on sale in your flyer. Can I get that price a day early? I'll make it worth your while..."
Okay, but only on one condition: you let me come to your job and gank a bunch of shit. And if you get fired, tough shit-ski. And if you get arrested and prosecuted because I convincingly make it look like you committed the thefts, at least the inmates in the county jail probably aren't interested in dressing you up in a wedding gown while Peaches the Unusually Large, who's awaiting trial for sodomy with Holstein cows, stares hungrily at you. As far as I know.
Otherwise, you must wait until tomorrow, just like everybody else, for those great prices. In which case feel free to drop by.
Another guy: "Where's these jeans you got on sale for $XX.xx?" (LPS price)
In mens. And you ain't getting that price today. Sale starts tomorrow as indicated by the big white letters on the bright pink background. Contrary to popular belief, our sales don't start the minute you get the flyer in your grubby mitts. Either start reading or visit the optometrist, which is conveniently located next to the pharmacy.
Some woman: These little hooded bath towels for kids are just the cutest! (Author's note:
) Can I get this sale price a day early?
GAAAGGGHHH! AAAAAGGGGHHH! MRRRRGGGGHHHHH! What the hell is wrong with you people!? Can't you read? Don't you read? Why do waste my time like this? Is it because reading through the flyer to find the starting date for the ad would take away from your time for drinking beer, burping the song "Tik Tok" while trying to keep down your brother's sperm, and then bumping uglies with him in his bombed-out El Camino on blocks in your front yard, and that just doesn't sound like a very good time budget to you? Was there just some kind of super secret nuclear testing I never found out about that made everybody here stupid? That's it, I'm going on break and coming back loaded.
And the nametag's so coming off.
Oh tomorrow is going to be such fun, I can tell.
Some Old Guy: (clutching an LPS flyer) "Can I get this price on this crock pot here?"
Sorry, dear friend, but no. That sale does not start until tomorrow, as indicated on the front cover of the flyer. We'd be happy to see you again tomorrow, though. No problem at all, have a good day.
(Authors's note: on Another Damn Senior Day falling the day before LPS, we will offer senior citizen customers a choice: the LPS price on any item(s) in the flyer, or the 15% discount on the total purchase. But it is only one or the other. This may be more flexible than corporate would like us to be, but thus far they aren't raising any objections about it.) Moving right along....
Some woman in toys: (her LPS flyer open to a page of toys) "I don't suppose I could get this price today, could I?"
Sorry, but no. Those prices start tomorrow, as indicated by the "Sale starts Thursday October 7!" printed on the front page. Please visit us again tomorrow if you'd like to take advantage of that price. Thanks and have a good day.
Some guy: "You've got these bookcases on sale in your flyer. Can I get that price a day early? I'll make it worth your while..."
Okay, but only on one condition: you let me come to your job and gank a bunch of shit. And if you get fired, tough shit-ski. And if you get arrested and prosecuted because I convincingly make it look like you committed the thefts, at least the inmates in the county jail probably aren't interested in dressing you up in a wedding gown while Peaches the Unusually Large, who's awaiting trial for sodomy with Holstein cows, stares hungrily at you. As far as I know.
Otherwise, you must wait until tomorrow, just like everybody else, for those great prices. In which case feel free to drop by.
Another guy: "Where's these jeans you got on sale for $XX.xx?" (LPS price)
In mens. And you ain't getting that price today. Sale starts tomorrow as indicated by the big white letters on the bright pink background. Contrary to popular belief, our sales don't start the minute you get the flyer in your grubby mitts. Either start reading or visit the optometrist, which is conveniently located next to the pharmacy.
Some woman: These little hooded bath towels for kids are just the cutest! (Author's note:
) Can I get this sale price a day early?GAAAGGGHHH! AAAAAGGGGHHH! MRRRRGGGGHHHHH! What the hell is wrong with you people!? Can't you read? Don't you read? Why do waste my time like this? Is it because reading through the flyer to find the starting date for the ad would take away from your time for drinking beer, burping the song "Tik Tok" while trying to keep down your brother's sperm, and then bumping uglies with him in his bombed-out El Camino on blocks in your front yard, and that just doesn't sound like a very good time budget to you? Was there just some kind of super secret nuclear testing I never found out about that made everybody here stupid? That's it, I'm going on break and coming back loaded.
And the nametag's so coming off.
Oh tomorrow is going to be such fun, I can tell.
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