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An apartment complex calls in, there’s a Ford Ranger parked in the fire lane at the building, with no flashers, no delivery signs, nobody in it, and nothing to explain what it’s doing there for what has been half an hour by their watch. They’d like the vehicle in question removed, so I head on over to yonder complex and start hooking up. No points for guessing that the owner has parked DIRECTLY in front of a sign on a post that says “Fire Lane, No Parking, Tow Zone” , in fact, just to get out the driver’s side of the truck, he’d have to have opened the door only a few inches and squeezed out, that’s how close he was to the pole.
Naturally, when I’m about 99% ready to go, said owner comes rushing out to greet me. He wants to know what the big deal is, I inform him he’s illegally parked in the fire lane.
“But I was just visiting some friends!” he protests, to no avail. I don’t know why anyone even tries this, as nothing short of, well, a building fire, justifies occupying the fire lane for more than 5 minutes, but oh how they try…. It’s a charming testament to the human spirit really.
Anyway, he’s informed that what he was doing was largely irrelevant, as now, he owes us a $60 drop fee.
Immediately, he pops out his cellphone and calls someone. I hear one half of a conversation
“Yeah, it’s me….. I’m getting my car towed…… well, no they haven’t towed it yet, but they’re going to!....... No! I wasn’t doing anything! …… well, they say I’m in a fire lane, but it was only for a minute! ….. uh huh”
The phone gets thrust into my face.
"My Dad wants to talk to you!"
Oh great, a middle-aged teenager who sics his parents on me, just what I wanted.
"Sir, I don’t really need to speak to your Dad, there’s nothing he can say that’s going to change anything."
The cellphone gets deposited in my hand anyway.
"Uh, Hello?"
"Yes, I understand that you are going to tow my Son’s car?"
"Yes Sir, it was illegally parked. He can either pay $60 for a drop, or it will be towed"
"Well, you don’t REALLY want to do that, do you?"
It’s hard to tell, but, imagine the word “really” in this case coming off with just a hint of sarcasm detected. Like, imagine when the villain in a James Bond film is detailing his plan to a skeptical lackey.
“Boss, you’re not REALLY going to kidnap the President on live TV, right?”
“You’re not REALLY going to cause a volcano to erupt inside the Kremlin, right?”
"Yes, yes I do"
"Really? You REALLY are going to tow him?"
Now the tone of his voice has mutated into one of forced incredulity, like what a defense attorney would use when trying to save his client’s bacon on the stand; “Officer, do you REALLY think my client was capable of stabbing another man 54 times?”
"For parking in a fire lane, yes, I will tow his car. "
"Oh, but you don’t REALLY want to, right?"
"Yes, I will if he does not pay the drop fee he owes right now."
"Really? You’re REALLY going to tow him?"
Now, it’s kinda changed into a tone of total awe and wonder, like the kind of tone a 3 year old kid would use on Christmas morning, “Wow, did Santa REALLY bring all this stuff?!”
"Yep"
"Oh, uh, well, put him back on please. "
After a few more remonstrations between Father and Son, I get a credit card handed to me, we pay for the drop, and I’m on my merry way.
Not really sucky, but definitely bizarre…… was that an honest-to-goodness attempt at the ol' Jedi Mind Trick? I have no clue.....
Naturally, when I’m about 99% ready to go, said owner comes rushing out to greet me. He wants to know what the big deal is, I inform him he’s illegally parked in the fire lane.
“But I was just visiting some friends!” he protests, to no avail. I don’t know why anyone even tries this, as nothing short of, well, a building fire, justifies occupying the fire lane for more than 5 minutes, but oh how they try…. It’s a charming testament to the human spirit really.
Anyway, he’s informed that what he was doing was largely irrelevant, as now, he owes us a $60 drop fee.
Immediately, he pops out his cellphone and calls someone. I hear one half of a conversation
“Yeah, it’s me….. I’m getting my car towed…… well, no they haven’t towed it yet, but they’re going to!....... No! I wasn’t doing anything! …… well, they say I’m in a fire lane, but it was only for a minute! ….. uh huh”
The phone gets thrust into my face.
"My Dad wants to talk to you!"
Oh great, a middle-aged teenager who sics his parents on me, just what I wanted.
"Sir, I don’t really need to speak to your Dad, there’s nothing he can say that’s going to change anything."
The cellphone gets deposited in my hand anyway.
"Uh, Hello?"
"Yes, I understand that you are going to tow my Son’s car?"
"Yes Sir, it was illegally parked. He can either pay $60 for a drop, or it will be towed"
"Well, you don’t REALLY want to do that, do you?"
It’s hard to tell, but, imagine the word “really” in this case coming off with just a hint of sarcasm detected. Like, imagine when the villain in a James Bond film is detailing his plan to a skeptical lackey.
“Boss, you’re not REALLY going to kidnap the President on live TV, right?”
“You’re not REALLY going to cause a volcano to erupt inside the Kremlin, right?”
"Yes, yes I do"
"Really? You REALLY are going to tow him?"
Now the tone of his voice has mutated into one of forced incredulity, like what a defense attorney would use when trying to save his client’s bacon on the stand; “Officer, do you REALLY think my client was capable of stabbing another man 54 times?”
"For parking in a fire lane, yes, I will tow his car. "
"Oh, but you don’t REALLY want to, right?"
"Yes, I will if he does not pay the drop fee he owes right now."
"Really? You’re REALLY going to tow him?"
Now, it’s kinda changed into a tone of total awe and wonder, like the kind of tone a 3 year old kid would use on Christmas morning, “Wow, did Santa REALLY bring all this stuff?!”
"Yep"
"Oh, uh, well, put him back on please. "
After a few more remonstrations between Father and Son, I get a credit card handed to me, we pay for the drop, and I’m on my merry way.
Not really sucky, but definitely bizarre…… was that an honest-to-goodness attempt at the ol' Jedi Mind Trick? I have no clue.....
This line cracked me up!
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