You don't have to be polite about it...

[Kereminde]

Just a short post from my job as a waiter. I have somewhat of a smart-a** attitude with guests, but I try to roll it up in being witty and funny. Usually I can get them laughing, or see them crack a smile and I know right then and there I have them liking their waiter tonight.

One of the usual questions which I get asked, and everyone knows it: "Can I ask you a question?"

Answers:

"Well, that was a question but you can have another one free. What do you want to know?"
"You sure can, and I promise I can try to answer it."

Or the sister statement: "I have a question." "I might just have an answer."

As I said, usually I pitch my tone and body language in a way they laugh or they smirk and proceed anyway. Not this one guest. She stared at me for a bit, then rattled off the question so fast I barely caught it. I caught enough, though, to answer it calmly ("No, I don't think we have that on the lunch menu. I'll ask the kitchen though.") . . . this just made her more upset, for whatever reason.

"So, can I substitute <this> for <that>?"

"Oh, that's an unusual question." She got almost a smug smile until I stopped and shrugged. "But we can accommodate you, sure. There may be something on your bill which looks kind of odd but I assure you we can make you a dish you ask for if we have the ingredients in the kitchen."

"Oh." She chewed on this for a bit, then snapped open the menu. "Well I'm not finished looking yet." And thus she tried to put on her 'I'm ignoring you' face.

I looked down at my order pad and muttered loud enough for her mother to hear: "Well, no need to be polite, I just take the orders." And then looked to her next. "So what can I get you, miss?"

Thankfully, her mother was a little mortified at that attitude and tried to apologize, so I leaned in and said simply: "I'll serve you all fine regardless, don't worry about it. Just sit tight and I'll get your appetizers out to you shortly."

. . . they left me a 25% tip

[lupo pazzesco]

So, wait...was she actively TRYING to ask for something impossible?

I hated people who did that. But with me it was grumpy old men in Denny's, who would ask for something crazy they KNEW we couldn't accommodate, all for the sole purpose of having something to bitch about.

[Kereminde]

No, what she was asking for was not something I got asked often. She saw two parts of different dishes on the menu and wanted, say . . . her chicken over noodles instead of with a side of potatoes. Sure, we can do that. Or getting that grilled shrimp instead of scallops . . . sure, we can do that. Change the sauce on the dish? Oh that's no problem.

The kicker, the meal she wound up asking for wound up cheaper in the system than the other two she was looking for. I would have been fully justified in ringing it up as a complex "See Server" order under the original price, but since the kitchen staff hate "See Server" orders with . . . hmm . .

. . . not a passion, but a deep burning need to find that server and make it known they aren't pleased to have a super-special order which they need to take care of with the utmost delicacy lest the guests need it remade.

Seriously though, I love explaining to people who want substitutions how the kitchen can make them the dish they want made, if they can explain to us clearly what they want. We can do anything for you so long as we have the ingredients, but the cost is not going to be standard off-the-menu price. People appreciate being made not to feel stupid but informed that we can, in fact, help them get the food they want when out with their family.

Especially considering my particular restaurant location is a hot spot for families eating out. Oh, and notably? We get some aggravating people, but very few who truly slip over into enough SC-ness to stick with me.

[lupo pazzesco]

Ah. See, it was the part where she had a smug look on her face, then decided she wasn't done with the menu that had me confused. Or maybe it was the fact that I was reading it at 5 am and hadn't quite woken up. Either way...

Yeah, kitchen staff don't much like it when you require lots of special add-ons, add-ins, etc. Makes me more conscious of the fact when I eat out, lemme tell ya.

[Kereminde]

I kinda got the feeling she was waiting for me to say "no, we can't do that" and then cause drama. Considering what the conversation was between her and her sister when I would drop by, it was rather close to the mark. Every so often you get those . . .

And God help you if your establishment serves only either Bushmill's or Jameson's, when a guest asks for the opposite. But that is a small tale for another post.

[chainedbarista]

planned drama: denied. awesome.

[Marmalady]

planned drama: denied. awesome.

Oh yes, I just love that deflated look they get when they're spoiling for a fight and can't get one.

[lupo pazzesco]

I kinda got the feeling she was waiting for me to say "no, we can't do that" and then cause drama.

See, that's kinda what I meant, but didn't phrase well. This is why Lupo shouldn't be allowed near a keyboard so early in the morning (and yet, lookie where she is riiiiiight now. )

Drama llamas. Don't you just love shutting them down?

[mharbourgirl]

And God help you if your establishment serves only either Bushmill's or Jameson's, when a guest asks for the opposite. But that is a small tale for another post.

Well, I have to admit I'd be disappointed if I were looking to order my once-every-three-years Irish coffee and you didn't have Jameson's with which to make it, because that's the only brand aside from the extremely rare Canadian Mist that works. In my tastebuds' opinion, of course.

It's not a reason to get all dramatic and annoying about, though. I'll just order something else. Because just the idea of making a scene about something so inconsequential makes me nauseous. I hate attention, give it to someone else, thanks.

Now I want Irish coffee.

[underemployeed]

So I guess if they ask for goats milk blessed by Tibetan monks that is only 48hrs old because after that all the magical healing powers is gone, they would start complaining, even when there is probably NO place (at least in America) that could fulfill such a bizarre request.

[Kereminde]

Well, I have to admit I'd be disappointed if I were looking to order my once-every-three-years Irish coffee and you didn't have Jameson's with which to make it, because that's the only brand aside from the extremely rare Canadian Mist that works. In my tastebuds' opinion, of course.

It's not a reason to get all dramatic and annoying about, though. I'll just order something else. Because just the idea of making a scene about something so inconsequential makes me nauseous. I hate attention, give it to someone else, thanks.

Now I want Irish coffee.

It's not about specific taste. It's . . . political. I will not explain it further here.

[XCashier]

I hated people who did that. But with me it was grumpy old men in Denny's, who would ask for something crazy they KNEW we couldn't accommodate, all for the sole purpose of having something to bitch about.

Yeah, people like that are just awful. They're being jerks just for the sake of being a jerk and getting attention.

"Whaddaya mean, you don't have any lutefisk?!"
"Sir, this is Tia Maria's Mexican Cantina, lutefisk is Scandinavian cuisine!"
"Well, that's just unacceptable! You should serve what your customers want! I'm gonna complain about your attitute and get you fired, yadda yadda yadda...!"

Oh yes, I just love that deflated look they get when they're spoiling for a fight and can't get one.

"De-NIED!" Then they pout like a spoiled toddler...

[Dasota]

It's not about specific taste. It's . . . political. I will not explain it further here.

Tell them good whiskey knows no religion or political party. It just tastes good.


Then again I am odd. I love Bushmills if I am drinking it with ginger ale. But I can only drink Jamisons if I'm drinking it with coke.

[Ironclad Alibi]

I do go to a couple of restaurants where I order off-menu items, but the owners taught me how to do that.

Anyway, here is a short video about ordering toast in a diner.