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Hey guys. Been a long time since I've posted! I've been lurking a bit the last couple of days, though. I thought I'd share some gems from my new job real quick. There will be more, but these are a few specifically from Chat. I am the person on the other end of live customer support chat sometimes. Chat can be fun, but it's also full of what I like to call "Real Time Dumbass". At least when I'm on email support, I can have some lag time and recuperate! 
Are you real?
This happens a lot. The chat reads something like this:
Me: Hi, how can I help?
SC: Are you real?
Me: Yes, I'm real.
SC: Can you prove it?
You came in here to ask a question about our service. Ask the frikkin' question already. A bot can't answer whatever random shit you throw out there. There are smart systems, but not that smart.
Hitting the stash
Me: Hi, what can I help you with?
SC: To know more.
Oooookaaaay! Somebody is high as a kite.
Me: What did you need to know?
SC left the room.
Works for me!
I said I can't
Me: How can I help?
SC: My account is suspended and I need you to fix it.
Me: Unfortunately, I can't handle account suspensions in chat. But if you email <company support address> we'll get back to you quickly and we can sort out what needs to be done to fix this.
SC: I didn't do anything wrong, I need you to fix this! It's important!
Me: If you email, we'll get this resolved ASAP for you.
SC: This is ridiculous. I haven't done anything wrong!
Me: (you get the idea, I'm the text version of a broken record)
We go around this circle a few more times before I stop answering. I'm not allowed to handle it in chat. I've done all I can do!
SC: Hello?? Are you there??! Great customer service!
And he finally leaves.
Hot Christian Singles
This is one of my all time favorites. We get people popping into chat often thinking it's somehow a social chat room and wanting to know how they can get into other people's rooms. Um, no. Doesn't work that way. Everyone gets a private support chat room.
Me: <opening spiel>
CC (confused customer):Hey! Are the guys in this chat room Christian?
My brain cells came to a screeching halt. It's official. Young Christian singles are DESPERATE! If you've been thinking about it, now is the time to make your move!
Are you real?
This happens a lot. The chat reads something like this:
Me: Hi, how can I help?
SC: Are you real?
Me: Yes, I'm real.
SC: Can you prove it?
You came in here to ask a question about our service. Ask the frikkin' question already. A bot can't answer whatever random shit you throw out there. There are smart systems, but not that smart.
Hitting the stash
Me: Hi, what can I help you with?
SC: To know more.
Oooookaaaay! Somebody is high as a kite.
Me: What did you need to know?
SC left the room.
Works for me!
I said I can't
Me: How can I help?
SC: My account is suspended and I need you to fix it.
Me: Unfortunately, I can't handle account suspensions in chat. But if you email <company support address> we'll get back to you quickly and we can sort out what needs to be done to fix this.
SC: I didn't do anything wrong, I need you to fix this! It's important!
Me: If you email, we'll get this resolved ASAP for you.
SC: This is ridiculous. I haven't done anything wrong!
Me: (you get the idea, I'm the text version of a broken record)
We go around this circle a few more times before I stop answering. I'm not allowed to handle it in chat. I've done all I can do!
SC: Hello?? Are you there??! Great customer service!
And he finally leaves.
Hot Christian Singles
This is one of my all time favorites. We get people popping into chat often thinking it's somehow a social chat room and wanting to know how they can get into other people's rooms. Um, no. Doesn't work that way. Everyone gets a private support chat room.
Me: <opening spiel>
CC (confused customer):Hey! Are the guys in this chat room Christian?
My brain cells came to a screeching halt. It's official. Young Christian singles are DESPERATE! If you've been thinking about it, now is the time to make your move!
? What a 
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