Tweet
So I was rather busy the other day, and in the late afternoon, had a group come in and sit at the end of the bar. First two showed up, then a while later another two, then a final three. But there was something odd about the final three. To wit, the first two couples seemed like normal tourists. The final three seemed to be a tourist couple and one of our local residentially-challenged citizens. To be less polite, a kind of scuzzy bearded douchebag. But the guy in the third couple was buying him a beer, Scuzzball wasn't causing problems, so I let it go. These things happen from time to time, it's not my place to judge.
A little while later, I notice Scuzzball is smoking. Now, due to Florida law and the nature of our setup (enclosed indoor bar whose food sales are more than 10% of our total sales), you can't smoke in our bar. I politely and firmly tell Scuzzball he can't smoke in the bar, and direct him out front to our sidewalk ashtray. He looked kind of surprised by this, which I found out, since he seemed to be local and thus should know better, but he complied without complaint....but now I was slightly irritated by this douchebag.
And then things took a turn. While Dude #3 and Scuzzbag were in the men's room, the other five in the group start expressing their uneasiness about Scuzzball. Specifically, they say he is harassing all of them, he has actually stolen Woman #3's beer, and they are a bit weirded out that Scuzzball has just followed Dude #3 into the bathroom. "So wait...he's not with you guys?" No, apparently Dude #3 had been talking to the guy out on the street, and he had simply followed them into the bar, where Dude #3 was way too nice and bought him that initial beer. "So do you want me to throw him out?" Hell yes they do. All five are unanimous about it. Dude #3 won't mind, I ask? Nope.
So a few moments later, when I see Dude #3 and Scuzzball have returned from the restroom, I look at Scuzzball and say, "It's time for you to go." "What?" "You need to leave. You are harassing these people, and you need to get out of the establishment. Now." Scuzzball just looks at me, somewhat in shock, or perhaps just too stoned to understand what I am saying to him. So I reiterate. "You need to leave this bar, and you need to do so right now." I say this calmly but firmly, leaving no room for potential negotiation, and am prepared to threaten Scuzzball with a call to the local constabulary if he does not comply. After all, he is not a paying customer, he is harassing my paying customers, and now that I have ordered him off property, if he does not leave, he will be trespassing. After some more stunned contemplation, Scuzzball silently leaves. Shortly after he leaves, the five in the group, and several other guests at the bar, start applauding. Always humble, I bow deeply to their ovation.
Later I talked to Dude #3 and explained to him that his five friends all wanted Scuzzball gone, and that I hope he was all cool with it. He felt bad, he said, because he was a musician and so was Scuzzball, and he (Dude #3) was just trying to be a nice guy. Nice guy is all well and good, I tell him, but next time buy beer for an actual musician, not some scuzzball street dude who isn't actually a WORKING musician. I have lots of friends who are musicians, and they don't skeeze people out or steal their beer. As it turns out, Dude #3 hadn't been completely aware of how much Scuzzball had been creeping out his friends, nor that Scuzzball had stolen his wife's beer. So the one guy who might have been upset by my actions (besides Scuzzball, of course) was very much on my side.
It felt good to throw someone out, as I don't get the opportunity to do so very often. And everyone was happy with this. Except Scuzzball. In other words: everyone that matters.
I am the Bartender. Thout shalt not anger the Bartender, lest thee be smited from the premises.
A little while later, I notice Scuzzball is smoking. Now, due to Florida law and the nature of our setup (enclosed indoor bar whose food sales are more than 10% of our total sales), you can't smoke in our bar. I politely and firmly tell Scuzzball he can't smoke in the bar, and direct him out front to our sidewalk ashtray. He looked kind of surprised by this, which I found out, since he seemed to be local and thus should know better, but he complied without complaint....but now I was slightly irritated by this douchebag.
And then things took a turn. While Dude #3 and Scuzzbag were in the men's room, the other five in the group start expressing their uneasiness about Scuzzball. Specifically, they say he is harassing all of them, he has actually stolen Woman #3's beer, and they are a bit weirded out that Scuzzball has just followed Dude #3 into the bathroom. "So wait...he's not with you guys?" No, apparently Dude #3 had been talking to the guy out on the street, and he had simply followed them into the bar, where Dude #3 was way too nice and bought him that initial beer. "So do you want me to throw him out?" Hell yes they do. All five are unanimous about it. Dude #3 won't mind, I ask? Nope.
So a few moments later, when I see Dude #3 and Scuzzball have returned from the restroom, I look at Scuzzball and say, "It's time for you to go." "What?" "You need to leave. You are harassing these people, and you need to get out of the establishment. Now." Scuzzball just looks at me, somewhat in shock, or perhaps just too stoned to understand what I am saying to him. So I reiterate. "You need to leave this bar, and you need to do so right now." I say this calmly but firmly, leaving no room for potential negotiation, and am prepared to threaten Scuzzball with a call to the local constabulary if he does not comply. After all, he is not a paying customer, he is harassing my paying customers, and now that I have ordered him off property, if he does not leave, he will be trespassing. After some more stunned contemplation, Scuzzball silently leaves. Shortly after he leaves, the five in the group, and several other guests at the bar, start applauding. Always humble, I bow deeply to their ovation.
Later I talked to Dude #3 and explained to him that his five friends all wanted Scuzzball gone, and that I hope he was all cool with it. He felt bad, he said, because he was a musician and so was Scuzzball, and he (Dude #3) was just trying to be a nice guy. Nice guy is all well and good, I tell him, but next time buy beer for an actual musician, not some scuzzball street dude who isn't actually a WORKING musician. I have lots of friends who are musicians, and they don't skeeze people out or steal their beer. As it turns out, Dude #3 hadn't been completely aware of how much Scuzzball had been creeping out his friends, nor that Scuzzball had stolen his wife's beer. So the one guy who might have been upset by my actions (besides Scuzzball, of course) was very much on my side.
It felt good to throw someone out, as I don't get the opportunity to do so very often. And everyone was happy with this. Except Scuzzball. In other words: everyone that matters.
I am the Bartender. Thout shalt not anger the Bartender, lest thee be smited from the premises.
at least it got drank, right? I don't even drink beer and I know that's totally a beer-foul. (I've drank like, the equivalent of 3 my entire three years of drinking, as compared to at least two gallons of other stuff total)
Glad ya had fun.
Comment