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Paint desk
Older guy (50ish) comes up to the desk as I'm putting in tints to the machine. He asks: "Hey, how do I build a partition wall? I'm building a room in a converted garage."
Me: "Umm.. this is paint. Building materials is down that aisle."
Guy: "So you don't know how to build a wall?"
Me: "No, sir. But I can tell you how to paint it." (I know how, actually. I worked construction for a few years, but I'm not going to tell someone that doesn't know how, how to do it. I don't want to be sued when things go wrong, like, his house collapsing)
Guy: "Thanks for nothing."
Me: "Have a good day sir."
Yes, everyone at work is a licensed contractor/builder.
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At the sample machine, which makes, well.. samples of the paint colors we carry. It has been acting strange lately. Colors not coming out right, paint shooting out all over the place, even though I am very thorough when I clean it.
Skanky, white trash, smokey-voice lady wants a sample of some kind of white paint. I take the card over to the sample machine, and insert the bottle. Type in the info and away we go. Halfway through, the white paint shoots out over the bottle's lip and onto the desk, mouse pad, and my hand. Lady then says: "Man, that reminds me of my date last night. Har har har!"
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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A yuppie couple comes to me, bearing a color card and a can of exterior paint. I always double check with the customer as to manufacturer, color, int. or ext., gloss and container size. Always.
Me: "So you want Olympic Exterior flat, one gallon, in Thunderchunk Blue?"
YC; "Yes. It for our garage."
Me: "Ok, I'll have that ready in a few minutes."
I make up their color, mix it and give it to them. I handed to the husband the same paint can he handed me.
Husband: "We wanted interior paint. Why did you give us exterior?"
Me: "Because that is the paint you gave me. But I can make this color in an interior paint. It will be just a few more minutes."
Husband: "No, we'll go to Wal-Mart up the road, where they know what they're doing."
Me: "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Yes, I actually laughed big and loud at this. We have MANY customers that come to us to fix Wally World's fuck ups.
Moral of the story: Don't be bringin' up the paint cans unless you know EXACTLY what you need.
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This one was my fault. It was 6:45pm, 15 minutes before I leave. A lady from yesterday comes back. I remember her (she is surprised) and asks how I am. I tell her it's my birthday today. She asks what my plans are after work, and I tell her I'm picking up my daughter and we're going to SeaWorld tomorrow. We talk for a few more minutes, then she tells me her order: 2 gallons of this gorgeous tan paint, EXTERIOR FLAT.
I get busy making the paint while she goes to a different part of the store to shop.
I didn't realize that I grabbed the wrong paint. I grabbed interior satin; totally wrong, Knightmare. After it's mixed, I realize "Oops! Wrong paint!" So I put those 2 gallons aside and grab Exterior satin. I mix them up and finish them just as she returns. I tell her what a bonehead I was for grabbing the wrong paint.
She replied: "I hate to break it to you, dear, but you're still a bonehead."
Me: "What?"
Lady: "Look at the sheet. It's exterior FLAT, not satin."
Me: *Looking at the sheet, then the paint cans, then sheets again, then her* "GAAAHHHH!! Sorry, sorry sorry.. I'll have these made up correctly this time. Give me 3 minutes."
I made the paint and gave it to her. She said (with a big, warm, genuine smile) "Happy Birthday, Bonehead. I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful day tomorrow!"
So I wasted 4 gallons of paint, all the same color. My manager wasn't exactly thrilled, but hey, I'm human, and can run circles around him all day in the paint department, so he cut me some slack.
I really must learn to read my own writing one of these days.
Oh yeah.. one last thing. My GM actually remembered it was my birthday. He wished me a happy birthday in the break room. Then 20 minutes later, got on the loudspeaker and said "Attention Lowe's employees and customers. If you see Knightmare from the paint department today, wish him a happy birthday."
Gee, thanks boss. At least no one sang.
Older guy (50ish) comes up to the desk as I'm putting in tints to the machine. He asks: "Hey, how do I build a partition wall? I'm building a room in a converted garage."
Me: "Umm.. this is paint. Building materials is down that aisle."
Guy: "So you don't know how to build a wall?"
Me: "No, sir. But I can tell you how to paint it." (I know how, actually. I worked construction for a few years, but I'm not going to tell someone that doesn't know how, how to do it. I don't want to be sued when things go wrong, like, his house collapsing)
Guy: "Thanks for nothing."
Me: "Have a good day sir."
Yes, everyone at work is a licensed contractor/builder.
================================================== ==========
At the sample machine, which makes, well.. samples of the paint colors we carry. It has been acting strange lately. Colors not coming out right, paint shooting out all over the place, even though I am very thorough when I clean it.
Skanky, white trash, smokey-voice lady wants a sample of some kind of white paint. I take the card over to the sample machine, and insert the bottle. Type in the info and away we go. Halfway through, the white paint shoots out over the bottle's lip and onto the desk, mouse pad, and my hand. Lady then says: "Man, that reminds me of my date last night. Har har har!"
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
================================================== ==========
A yuppie couple comes to me, bearing a color card and a can of exterior paint. I always double check with the customer as to manufacturer, color, int. or ext., gloss and container size. Always.
Me: "So you want Olympic Exterior flat, one gallon, in Thunderchunk Blue?"
YC; "Yes. It for our garage."
Me: "Ok, I'll have that ready in a few minutes."
I make up their color, mix it and give it to them. I handed to the husband the same paint can he handed me.
Husband: "We wanted interior paint. Why did you give us exterior?"
Me: "Because that is the paint you gave me. But I can make this color in an interior paint. It will be just a few more minutes."
Husband: "No, we'll go to Wal-Mart up the road, where they know what they're doing."
Me: "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Yes, I actually laughed big and loud at this. We have MANY customers that come to us to fix Wally World's fuck ups.
Moral of the story: Don't be bringin' up the paint cans unless you know EXACTLY what you need.
================================================== =========
This one was my fault. It was 6:45pm, 15 minutes before I leave. A lady from yesterday comes back. I remember her (she is surprised) and asks how I am. I tell her it's my birthday today. She asks what my plans are after work, and I tell her I'm picking up my daughter and we're going to SeaWorld tomorrow. We talk for a few more minutes, then she tells me her order: 2 gallons of this gorgeous tan paint, EXTERIOR FLAT.
I get busy making the paint while she goes to a different part of the store to shop.
I didn't realize that I grabbed the wrong paint. I grabbed interior satin; totally wrong, Knightmare. After it's mixed, I realize "Oops! Wrong paint!" So I put those 2 gallons aside and grab Exterior satin. I mix them up and finish them just as she returns. I tell her what a bonehead I was for grabbing the wrong paint.
She replied: "I hate to break it to you, dear, but you're still a bonehead."
Me: "What?"
Lady: "Look at the sheet. It's exterior FLAT, not satin."
Me: *Looking at the sheet, then the paint cans, then sheets again, then her* "GAAAHHHH!! Sorry, sorry sorry.. I'll have these made up correctly this time. Give me 3 minutes."
I made the paint and gave it to her. She said (with a big, warm, genuine smile) "Happy Birthday, Bonehead. I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful day tomorrow!"
So I wasted 4 gallons of paint, all the same color. My manager wasn't exactly thrilled, but hey, I'm human, and can run circles around him all day in the paint department, so he cut me some slack.
I really must learn to read my own writing one of these days.
Oh yeah.. one last thing. My GM actually remembered it was my birthday. He wished me a happy birthday in the break room. Then 20 minutes later, got on the loudspeaker and said "Attention Lowe's employees and customers. If you see Knightmare from the paint department today, wish him a happy birthday."
Gee, thanks boss. At least no one sang.
now
Happy Belated, Knightmare!! 
).
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