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Not a customer of mine, but sucky none the less.
There is a big difference in flying now as opposed to pre-911, as well there should be. So when I was flying out to Tucson to my eldest son’s wedding I arrived at the airport 2 hours early in case of any check-in or security delays. Gladly they were at a minimum and even though I was selected for additional screening at security I was still at the gate 1½ hours before my flight was due to depart. I pick a seat right next to the counter because I could see the TV and watch the activity on the tarmac.
After sitting in the waiting room for about 15 minutes, the airline goddess at the counter made an announcement that the jet that we were supposed to be on (an MD83 seating 143 people) was experiencing some problems and the airline had no choice but to substitute that jet with a smaller one (A 737 seating 120 people) because it was the only one available. Hey you go right ahead. Better we know now than when we’re going 500MPH at 35,000 feet.
If you do the math you can see where this is going. 23 people were going to have to fly at another time or on another airline. As it turns out the flight wasn’t booked solid and they only needed 10 people to go at another time or with another carrier. The airline goddess (I call her this because she was a stunning woman, exuding class and sensuality) asked several times and all told there were 8 people that volunteered thru the 8 to 10 announcements she made. But here is where it got sucky.
I decided that I really didn’t have to be in Tucson until the next day so I was going to volunteer... until Mr Business Dude (You know the type...notebook computer attache case, 2 cell phones on his belt, a headset connected to one hanging off his ear) came strolling up to the counter and was told about the rescheduling thing and then the fecal matter contacted the rotary oscillator.
AG = Airline Goddess
SBD = Sucky Business Dude
FA = Flight Attendant
SBD....I HAVE to get on this flight! It’s a matter of life and death!
AG....We are asking for volunteers and only need 2 more so there should be no problem, sir.
SBD....I can’t volunteer to go later. I have to be in Tucson by 6pm.
AG....Sir, if you can’t volunteer, please let me try to get someone else that may have the time to do it.
SBD....I have to know right now if I’m going to be on this flight if you don’t get any more volunteers! I have to be on this flight! It’s an EMERGENCY! It’s life or death! (Yes he was this excited. An exclamation point or even 2 are the proper punctuation)
AG....Sir, if you’d like to step away and relax for a bit, I’ll see what I can do get a couple more volunteers.
SBD....You HAVE to get them. I have to be on this damn flight!!!
AG says nothing and SBD does step away from the counter. But only about 5 feet away and begins pacing in a circle almost shouting into his headset. AG proceeds to make another announcement but no one budges. SBD looks around, still pacing like a father awaiting the birth of a child, whirls around and again accosts AG.
SBD This doesn’t look good. How soon until we board?
AG 20 minutes, sir.
SBD Oh damn! I just KNOW I’m not going to make this flight! If I can’t get on this flight I’ll sue the airline! I’ll own that fucking plane! Lady you HAVE to get me on this flight! (Sing it with me folks) It’s a matter of life or death!
AG Sir, I’m doing the best I can. I can’t make anyone volunteer. It wouldn’t be volunteering if I did, now would it? (I could hear her tone change. I have to commend her. I would have been all over him by now.)
SBD (practically jumps on the counter and puts a finger in AG’s face.) Don’t you condescend to me! Do you know who I am? I”ll have your damn job! You’ll be on the unemployment line by morning!
At this point, AG backs away from the desk and walks behind the wall out of sight from SBD. 2 minutes later 4 rather large men in suits walked quickly to the counter. You can guess who they were.
SBD pled his case to them, running the gamut from being nice, to getting beligerent to playing "I'm more important than God" to no avail and was led away almost forcefully. As he was lead away a small round of applause began to go through the crowd. I was one of them. I stepped up to the counter and told AG she handled that a lot better than I would have and told her I would volunteer to go later and handed her my tickets. As she opened the folder she got a call and began to laugh out loud. She had to wait a minute or so to compose herself before she told me that a volunteer was no longer needed and made an announcement that there was a last minute cancellation and no more volunteers were needed. I must admit to being brought almost to tears from laughing. How appropriate.
After boarding the plane I asked a flight attendant if she had heard about SBD. She said she had. The man sitting next to me wondered what the life and death emergency was that he HAD to get on this flight. The flight attendant leaned down so only we could hear.
FA He had tickets for an Arizona Wildcat basketball game.
There is a big difference in flying now as opposed to pre-911, as well there should be. So when I was flying out to Tucson to my eldest son’s wedding I arrived at the airport 2 hours early in case of any check-in or security delays. Gladly they were at a minimum and even though I was selected for additional screening at security I was still at the gate 1½ hours before my flight was due to depart. I pick a seat right next to the counter because I could see the TV and watch the activity on the tarmac.
After sitting in the waiting room for about 15 minutes, the airline goddess at the counter made an announcement that the jet that we were supposed to be on (an MD83 seating 143 people) was experiencing some problems and the airline had no choice but to substitute that jet with a smaller one (A 737 seating 120 people) because it was the only one available. Hey you go right ahead. Better we know now than when we’re going 500MPH at 35,000 feet.
If you do the math you can see where this is going. 23 people were going to have to fly at another time or on another airline. As it turns out the flight wasn’t booked solid and they only needed 10 people to go at another time or with another carrier. The airline goddess (I call her this because she was a stunning woman, exuding class and sensuality) asked several times and all told there were 8 people that volunteered thru the 8 to 10 announcements she made. But here is where it got sucky.
I decided that I really didn’t have to be in Tucson until the next day so I was going to volunteer... until Mr Business Dude (You know the type...notebook computer attache case, 2 cell phones on his belt, a headset connected to one hanging off his ear) came strolling up to the counter and was told about the rescheduling thing and then the fecal matter contacted the rotary oscillator.
AG = Airline Goddess
SBD = Sucky Business Dude
FA = Flight Attendant
SBD....I HAVE to get on this flight! It’s a matter of life and death!
AG....We are asking for volunteers and only need 2 more so there should be no problem, sir.
SBD....I can’t volunteer to go later. I have to be in Tucson by 6pm.
AG....Sir, if you can’t volunteer, please let me try to get someone else that may have the time to do it.
SBD....I have to know right now if I’m going to be on this flight if you don’t get any more volunteers! I have to be on this flight! It’s an EMERGENCY! It’s life or death! (Yes he was this excited. An exclamation point or even 2 are the proper punctuation)
AG....Sir, if you’d like to step away and relax for a bit, I’ll see what I can do get a couple more volunteers.
SBD....You HAVE to get them. I have to be on this damn flight!!!
AG says nothing and SBD does step away from the counter. But only about 5 feet away and begins pacing in a circle almost shouting into his headset. AG proceeds to make another announcement but no one budges. SBD looks around, still pacing like a father awaiting the birth of a child, whirls around and again accosts AG.
SBD This doesn’t look good. How soon until we board?
AG 20 minutes, sir.
SBD Oh damn! I just KNOW I’m not going to make this flight! If I can’t get on this flight I’ll sue the airline! I’ll own that fucking plane! Lady you HAVE to get me on this flight! (Sing it with me folks) It’s a matter of life or death!
AG Sir, I’m doing the best I can. I can’t make anyone volunteer. It wouldn’t be volunteering if I did, now would it? (I could hear her tone change. I have to commend her. I would have been all over him by now.)
SBD (practically jumps on the counter and puts a finger in AG’s face.) Don’t you condescend to me! Do you know who I am? I”ll have your damn job! You’ll be on the unemployment line by morning!
At this point, AG backs away from the desk and walks behind the wall out of sight from SBD. 2 minutes later 4 rather large men in suits walked quickly to the counter. You can guess who they were.
SBD pled his case to them, running the gamut from being nice, to getting beligerent to playing "I'm more important than God" to no avail and was led away almost forcefully. As he was lead away a small round of applause began to go through the crowd. I was one of them. I stepped up to the counter and told AG she handled that a lot better than I would have and told her I would volunteer to go later and handed her my tickets. As she opened the folder she got a call and began to laugh out loud. She had to wait a minute or so to compose herself before she told me that a volunteer was no longer needed and made an announcement that there was a last minute cancellation and no more volunteers were needed. I must admit to being brought almost to tears from laughing. How appropriate.
After boarding the plane I asked a flight attendant if she had heard about SBD. She said she had. The man sitting next to me wondered what the life and death emergency was that he HAD to get on this flight. The flight attendant leaned down so only we could hear.
FA He had tickets for an Arizona Wildcat basketball game.
and then don't have the time.
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