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  • #1

    failure to fraud


    Hello everyone... long time lurker, first time poster.

    A bit of background. I work in a cold state in unemployment fraud. I only deal with you if we have a pretty good case to show you, or someone you told to, committed fraud. Whenever they ask me if they will get their money be x-mas I have to supress the urge for sudden and uncontrollable laughter.

    A couple of stories that I wanted to share that happened recently.

    SC: that one guy
    Me:

    Me: please understand that failure to report can lead to ... blah blah blah, and possible prosecution. Now, why did you tell us each week that you were available for full time work when you were in prison for (insert unspeakable crime here) for the last 6 months?

    SC: Well, I was picked up on a probation violation, and I didn't think i deserved to be there so I decided that since I felt I should be availalbe to work, that I would say I was. I think that since the charges were bogus you should pay me unemployment anyways. When will I get my money? I gotta get some christmas presents for my son.

    Me: Not happening. The judgement will arrive in the mail. BTW, don't you have a restraining order that you can't visit your son without going back to jail?


    Second story:
    Apparently a couple of months ago one of my coworkers got fired on Monday morning, attempted to rob a bank of Monday afternoon (and failed miserably at it) and then went to jail. He apparently lost it, and now lost his other job (he worked nights as a teacher) got kicked out of the play he was in, and his wife is divorcing him.

    And he seemed so normal, he always had a picture of his grandchild's art work on his computer...


    Third story:

    This one is from my financee's second job - he bartends one night a week at the local pub.

    CL: crazy lady
    BT: my bartending finacee

    CL: I drank that blue UV alcohol last night and oh does my stomach hurt. I need something to settle it down.

    BT: Alright, what will it be? (note, this is just a basic bar food place, fried or grilled only)

    CL: Well, I think I will take a cherry bomb, a blue UV and lemonade, and a double order of hot wings. That should settle my stomach down. I don't know why I have so many problems with indigestion!

    BT: Yeah, that is quite a mystery
    "I've put in so many enigmas and puzzles that it will keep the professors busy for centuries arguing over what I meant, and that's the only way of insuring one's immortality."
    - James Joyce
    Tags: None
  • #2
    to

    When you said the "judgment is in the mail" what did that mean? Is it just official notice that, "you ain't eligible for unemployment, jackass" or does it mean, "you ain't eligible for unemployment, jackass so pay back the money we've already given you" ?
    They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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    • #3
      Hi, nicolecj! Welcome to
      Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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      • #4
        Quoth Panacea View Post
        to

        When you said the "judgment is in the mail" what did that mean? Is it just official notice that, "you ain't eligible for unemployment, jackass" or does it mean, "you ain't eligible for unemployment, jackass so pay back the money we've already given you" ?
        Actually, I am the prosecution, defense, the judge and the jury. My determinations are legally binding judgements for money owed as well as a decision on eligibility, an assement of fraud payments and maybe I might even send it for prosecution depending how naughty you are. And I don't have to have a law degree.

        Kinda freaky that they give me that power, but yea for me. It works with my general 'i hate people' attitude. Too many years of restaurants and utility affairs before this job left me bitter and without any faith in humanity, so they put me here where I can do the most good.
        "I've put in so many enigmas and puzzles that it will keep the professors busy for centuries arguing over what I meant, and that's the only way of insuring one's immortality."
        - James Joyce

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        • #5
          Quoth nicolecj View Post
          Kinda freaky that they give me that power, but yea for me. It works with my general 'i hate people' attitude. Too many years of restaurants and utility affairs before this job left me bitter and without any faith in humanity, so they put me here where I can do the most good.
          Please never ever ever let Gravekeeper anywhere near your job?
          I speak English, L33t, Sarcasm and basic Idiot.

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          • #6
            Quoth nicolecj View Post
            Second story:
            Apparently a couple of months ago one of my coworkers got fired on Monday morning, attempted to rob a bank of Monday afternoon (and failed miserably at it) and then went to jail. He apparently lost it, and now lost his other job (he worked nights as a teacher) got kicked out of the play he was in, and his wife is divorcing him.

            And he seemed so normal, he always had a picture of his grandchild's art work on his computer...
            Holy crap! This guy went off the rails rather quickly, didn't he?

            And that's the quote you always hear on the news, too... "He seemed like such a nice person..."
            "Kamala the Ugandan Giant" 1950-2020 • "Bullet" Bob Armstrong 1939-2020 • "Road Warrior Animal" 1960-2020 • "Zeus" Tiny Lister Jr. 1958-2020 • "Hacksaw" Butch Reed 1954-2021 • "New Jack" Jerome Young 1963-2021 • "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff 1949-2021 • "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton 1958-2021 • Daffney 1975-2021

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            • #7
              Quoth houdini View Post
              Please never ever ever let Gravekeeper anywhere near your job?
              We are usually hiring for the job of soul sucker... I know the cube next to me just went empty. If Gravekeeper wishes to banish souls to eternal fiery damnation (also know as eternal bad credit due to prosecution for debt) then who am I to say anything about it?
              "I've put in so many enigmas and puzzles that it will keep the professors busy for centuries arguing over what I meant, and that's the only way of insuring one's immortality."
              - James Joyce

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              • #8
                nicolecj, do you live near me, because that sounds perfect for someone like me, who's enough of a cynic to have almost no faith in humanity.

                you're a hanging judge, i hope?
                look! it's ghengis khan!
                Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

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                • #9
                  Quoth nicolecj View Post
                  We are usually hiring for the job of soul sucker... I know the cube next to me just went empty.
                  OMG, I might consider trying to get off of disability if I could get a job like that! And it's a government job? Benefits!
                  Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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                  • #10
                    That's really sad.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth El Pollo Guerrera View Post
                      And that's the quote you always hear on the news, too... "He seemed like such a nice person..."
                      Hey! People often tell me that I'm a nice...er...I mean...*hides the chainsaw*
                      "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                      "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                      "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                      "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                      "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                      "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                      Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                      "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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                      • #12
                        SC: Well, I was picked up on a probation violation, and I didn't think i deserved to be there so I decided that since I felt I should be availalbe to work, that I would say I was. I think that since the charges were bogus you should pay me unemployment anyways. When will I get my money? I gotta get some christmas presents for my son.
                        Yeah, um....wow. Fail under pretty much any criteria you want to name.
                        When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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                        • #13
                          I would love that kind of job. Are you in Massachusetts? lol

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                          • #14
                            Wow, that first guy was mighty special - "Ooo, I'm too special for the rules because I'm meeee!" Damn shame he doesn't leap into a canyon and see if he's too special for gravity as well.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth nicolecj View Post
                              attempted to rob a bank of Monday afternoon (and failed miserably at it) and then went to jail.

                              Snip...

                              he worked nights as a teacher
                              Wait... What?! How did he go to jail and then come out and be able to work as a teacher?! I thought once you have a record you can't be a teacher for any age group, adults included.
                              There had to be DUMB in the water today. - Summerfly413

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