Stop lying and just return it

[RetailDemon]

I work in a small retail store and since it's after Christmas, our returns have increased. Instead of just returning the darn thing, here are a list of excuses pulled out the SCs' butts the last couple days:
It's defective and I'm very disappointed. (no problem, I'll do the return. I take it out and test it, works great.)
I wanted something else and you STILL don't have it in stock so I can do an exchange. (What? 3 days after Christmas and I'm not fully stocked? Imagine that!)
I got this but I wanted (non-existent item). (Erm, not much I can do there.)
What do you mean, I can't get cash for the return? (Did I mention it's a small store and we don't have the much cash. I'd be happy to return it to the credit card it was originally purchased with.)

The one return that topped them all in my book was a lady returning a laser/flashlight. She started yelling about the label and the radiation warning, which I'm pretty sure all laser pointers have. They were for her grandkids, and apparently we were trying to give them cancer. (Rats, foiled again!) She also returned an automatic soap dispenser saying it was defective and that everything we sell is sub par. I opened the dispenser after she left- she put soap in the BATTERY area!

Anyone else have any crazy return excuses to share?

[Gerrinson]

[QUOTE=RetailDemon;846595]What do you mean, I can't get cash for the return? (Did I mention it's a small store and we don't have the much cash. I'd be happy to return it to the credit card it was originally purchased with.) [QUOTE]

If you're in the US, it is actually federal law that you have to process the return to the credit card on which it was purchased. Informing whiny customers of that usually takes a lot of the wind out of their sails.

[Squeaksmyalias]

She also returned an automatic soap dispenser saying it was defective and that everything we sell is sub par. I opened the dispenser after she left- she put soap in the BATTERY area!

Cause you know that area looks nothing like a normal battery spot or anything...

[KiaKat]

*does a happydance*

Sometimes I love the booze business. By law, we're not allowed to accept returns.

*continues happydance*

[nuthing12]

If you're in the US, it is actually federal law that you have to process the return to the credit card on which it was purchased. Informing whiny customers of that usually takes a lot of the wind out of their sails.

Luckily refunds are not always guaranteed to be available depending on the state you live in.

[depechemodefan]

She also returned an automatic soap dispenser saying it was defective and that everything we sell is sub par. I opened the dispenser after she left- she put soap in the BATTERY area!

battery-powered soap dispenser? That sounds like a sucky gift. Unless she had arthritis. I wonder if she brought back the batteries from all those items she returned or did she "you don't need those batteries, they were already opened!"

[EvilEmpryss]

If you're in the US, it is actually federal law that you have to process the return to the credit card on which it was purchased. Informing whiny customers of that usually takes a lot of the wind out of their sails.

There are ways around this, specifically when it comes to gifts. If I'm returning a gift that a friend bought on a credit card, putting it back on the card is not really an options. Then again, neither is getting cash, so the original CS is still out of luck.

battery-powered soap dispenser? That sounds like a sucky gift.

It's a hands-free soap dispenser: you hold your hand under the spout and it squirts soap on your hands. Supposed to make washing your hands even more germ-free. Because getting something germy on your hands right before you douse them with overly-antibacterialized goodness might be icky.

Oh, and I used to make up excuses for why I was returning something. It took working a returns counter to make me realize that unless it's broken no one cares why you're returning something.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

*does a happydance*

Sometimes I love the booze business. By law, we're not allowed to accept returns.

*continues happydance*

You lucky bitch. You have no idea how insanely jealous I am of that.

Anyhoo...I once saw a vacuum cleaner returned because its belt broke--a replacement belt could've been purchased from our store.

A living room set, returned because the delivery service either couldn't or wouldn't get it into the customer's house.

Not from my store but another in the district--a pair of jeans, returned because it had been "urinated on." It was sent to the DC, thus prompting a snippy note indicating it shouldn't have been accepted as a return, and even if it was it should've just been thrown away. The DC people hate dealing with other people's bodily wastes just as much as the in-store personnel do.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

*does a happydance*

Sometimes I love the booze business. By law, we're not allowed to accept returns.

*continues happydance*

Grocery stores that sell beer and/or wine cannot take those items back either. Luckily I've not seen anyone try that so far . . .

I mean, what reason could they possibly have for returning , for example, a 24 pack of Bud with only 3 cans left?

Oh, it tasted like piss and gave me a massive headache so I want a refund?

Sorry, but in that instance, if you're going to drink 21 cans of Bud then you can expect a massive headache - that is if you don't die from alcohol poisoning. . .

[Mr.Customer]

[QUOTE=Gerrinson;846773][QUOTE=RetailDemon;846595]What do you mean, I can't get cash for the return? (Did I mention it's a small store and we don't have the much cash. I'd be happy to return it to the credit card it was originally purchased with.)

If you're in the US, it is actually federal law that you have to process the return to the credit card on which it was purchased. Informing whiny customers of that usually takes a lot of the wind out of their sails.

it's pretty much the same policy everywere when it comes to that. For one thing it prevents theft and credit fraud. (such as someone stealing the bag from their trunk and then turning it into cash) But it is also prevents the sort of credit fraud of getting a cash advance (that you aren't suposed to) by buying items and then returning them.