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My running list of "WTF?" is getting longer. Here are some more of my fun calls:
Typical Conversation:
Customer: I want the ad to run Sept. 26th and 27th.
Me: The 27th is Monday. Last time you ran on Sunday and got the Tuesday insertion at no additional cost. If you add Monday, there's an additional cost.
Customer: OK.
Me: You want it to run on Monday?
Customer: Yes.
Me: OK, the total cost will be [$XXX].
Customer: Last time it was [$YYY].
Me: Because you only ran on Sunday and Tuesday. There's an additional cost for Monday.
Customer: I just want Sunday and Tuesday.
I Think One of Gravekeeper's Customers Called Me:
Customer: I want to place an ad in the paper.
Me: Okay, under what heading?
Customer: Ask for John.
Me: Pardon me?
Customer: John.
Me: What. Heading. Do You. Want this under?
Customer: What does that mean?
Oh, lord....we get that part figured out. Sure enough, no credit card. I give the address for him to mail us a check. He asks, "how do you spell Classified?"
Spot the Customer Error:
Customer: I'm trying to find my father's death notice online. It's not there. He passed away on October 2nd. You ran his notice on the 6th and 7th, but when I go to your website, it's not there.
(I ask a few questions while I search the site. Sure enough, the notice comes up.)
Customer: I tried searching! It's not there! He died on October 2nd, but his name is not listed on October 2nd! (See the error?)
Me: Ma'am, that was the date he died. You told me the notice ran on the 6th and 7th, so you have to search on those dates.
Snippy Much?
Woman leaves a voicemail saying she wants to place an ad for a church rummage sale. I call her back at the time specified in her message. She snaps, "I can't talk now!" in a flat tone and hangs up.
Slow on the Uptake:
Customer: How would I get my ad in the weekend real estate paper?
Me: Our three-day package would do that. Friday-Saturday-Sunday or Saturday-Sunday-Monday.
Customer: Looooooonnnnnnnnnggggg pause.
Customer: Say that again?
Me: (silent sigh) Three days in a row.
Customer: Like Friday-Saturday-Sunday?
Me: That'll do it.
How NOT to sell your stuff:
A woman placed an ad for a $3900 dining room set. I called back at the end of the 30 day-run to see if she wanted to renew it. I get this voicemail greeting:
"This [phone company] customer has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet. Goodbye." And you just know she wondered why she didn't get any calls.
Miscellaneous Calls:
Call #1) A woman says she's been having trouble with her email - the one she gets through our site - has contacted the support email three times but has not gotten a reply. She's "tempted to use another email service." Well, lady, since it's free, I don't think we'll cry too hard if you don't use it.
Call #2) You're calling me from a bowling alley?? Seriously?? (Nice lady, but OMG)
Call #3) No, doofus, I don't need to know the name of the cross street nearest your home address for your credit card billing info!
Call #4) Caller: Hi, my daughter is doing a project for school. She has to make her own newspaper. Do you have, like, a sheet of the paper she could have?
Me: You mean newsprint?
Caller: Yeah.
Me: Um...No.
We don't do that. I recommended that she try an arts and crafts store. Even suggested a specific one. No, she wants to know if we have any of the paper (no, lady, we're printing on paper towels right now) and if her daughter could have some. Cough up the money and go buy your own! I've seen it at the arts/crafts store! It's for school, it doesn't have to be the same size as a broadsheet! Yeeesh.
Typical Conversation:
Customer: I want the ad to run Sept. 26th and 27th.
Me: The 27th is Monday. Last time you ran on Sunday and got the Tuesday insertion at no additional cost. If you add Monday, there's an additional cost.
Customer: OK.
Me: You want it to run on Monday?
Customer: Yes.
Me: OK, the total cost will be [$XXX].
Customer: Last time it was [$YYY].
Me: Because you only ran on Sunday and Tuesday. There's an additional cost for Monday.
Customer: I just want Sunday and Tuesday.
I Think One of Gravekeeper's Customers Called Me:
Customer: I want to place an ad in the paper.
Me: Okay, under what heading?
Customer: Ask for John.
Me: Pardon me?
Customer: John.
Me: What. Heading. Do You. Want this under?
Customer: What does that mean?
Oh, lord....we get that part figured out. Sure enough, no credit card. I give the address for him to mail us a check. He asks, "how do you spell Classified?"
Spot the Customer Error:
Customer: I'm trying to find my father's death notice online. It's not there. He passed away on October 2nd. You ran his notice on the 6th and 7th, but when I go to your website, it's not there.
(I ask a few questions while I search the site. Sure enough, the notice comes up.)
Customer: I tried searching! It's not there! He died on October 2nd, but his name is not listed on October 2nd! (See the error?)
Me: Ma'am, that was the date he died. You told me the notice ran on the 6th and 7th, so you have to search on those dates.
Snippy Much?
Woman leaves a voicemail saying she wants to place an ad for a church rummage sale. I call her back at the time specified in her message. She snaps, "I can't talk now!" in a flat tone and hangs up.
Slow on the Uptake:
Customer: How would I get my ad in the weekend real estate paper?
Me: Our three-day package would do that. Friday-Saturday-Sunday or Saturday-Sunday-Monday.
Customer: Looooooonnnnnnnnnggggg pause.
Customer: Say that again?
Me: (silent sigh) Three days in a row.
Customer: Like Friday-Saturday-Sunday?
Me: That'll do it.
How NOT to sell your stuff:
A woman placed an ad for a $3900 dining room set. I called back at the end of the 30 day-run to see if she wanted to renew it. I get this voicemail greeting:
"This [phone company] customer has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet. Goodbye." And you just know she wondered why she didn't get any calls.
Miscellaneous Calls:
Call #1) A woman says she's been having trouble with her email - the one she gets through our site - has contacted the support email three times but has not gotten a reply. She's "tempted to use another email service." Well, lady, since it's free, I don't think we'll cry too hard if you don't use it.
Call #2) You're calling me from a bowling alley?? Seriously?? (Nice lady, but OMG)
Call #3) No, doofus, I don't need to know the name of the cross street nearest your home address for your credit card billing info!
Call #4) Caller: Hi, my daughter is doing a project for school. She has to make her own newspaper. Do you have, like, a sheet of the paper she could have?
Me: You mean newsprint?
Caller: Yeah.
Me: Um...No.
We don't do that. I recommended that she try an arts and crafts store. Even suggested a specific one. No, she wants to know if we have any of the paper (no, lady, we're printing on paper towels right now) and if her daughter could have some. Cough up the money and go buy your own! I've seen it at the arts/crafts store! It's for school, it doesn't have to be the same size as a broadsheet! Yeeesh.
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