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These are just a few of the oddball things I have overheard, or have been asked, while being a paint slinger.
Yesterday. "Lady" on cell phone. Talking way loud. So loud, in fact, I could hear her over 3 paint mixers. She didn't seem angry, but who can tell?
"Lady" (in quotes because I use that term loosely): "WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SHE SAID THAT? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT HER HUSBAND. HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SATISFY HER, THAT'S FOR SURE. HE SURE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME!" Blah blah blah. Yes, talking about infidelity, in a public place, very loudly.
Bravo.
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It's been cold the last few days and especially nights. We've had freeze warnings/watches/advisories for about 3 days now. For Florida, it's rare, but not uncommon.
Me: "La la laaaa" (yes, I was actually saying that.)
Guy: (Rushing up to me) "Hey, chief. Where are the snowblowers?"
Me:
"This if Florida, sir."
Guy: "I know that! But we're having a freeze tonight. I want to be prepared."
Me: "This is Florida, sir."
Guy: "I know that! I know where I am! Where are the snowblowers?"
Me: "We don't carry them. We don't get snow here."
Guy: "But the Lowe's up north carry them. So you should, too."
Me: "Oh.. in that case, try aisle 27, in seasonal. Next to the lawn mowers and hammocks and garden care.
Guy: "Thanks!" Rushes off to find a clue.
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Overheard married couple.
Wife: "What happens if I mix this red paint with a quart of yellow?"
Husband: "Knowing you, a big mess."
Wife: "Asshole."
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Friday night. Young teens hanging out in the store. 2 of them have those wonderful Heelys on. One at one end of an aisle, the other kid opposite. They decide to play chicken.
"Get out of the way, dude!" "No, you get out of the way!" "Move, man!" "Nope!"
THUD! CRASH! "Ouch."
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
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Guy: "So to clean oil-based paint off my brushes and hands, I need mineral spirits or paint thinner."
Me: "Yes sir."
Guy: "Okay. So how do I clean the mineral spirits off my hands?"
Me: "You could lick them clean, but I recommend soap and water."
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Mom to her young daughter: "You don't have a big room, so I think 3 gallons should just about do it."
Three gallons will just about do a whole house.
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"May I have a big paint stirrer (5-gallon)? It's fantasy night tonight!"
Me:
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Lady comes up to me, wants a color made up. As I grab the can, she asks; "Can I have paint that doesn't contain lead? I don't want my child licking the walls and getting lead poisoning."
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Young blonde woman comes to me. She wants a color made in our most expensive paint. She is painting her living room (shocking pink! ewww) and wants 4 quarts.
Me: "4 quarts?"
YW: "Yes, please. That's enough to do a 10'x15' living room, right?"
Me: "Yup. But I'll make this into a gallon. It will save you money."
YW: "Will a gallon be enough? I don't want to run short."
Me: "No worries. 4 quarts = one gallon. "
YW: "Are you sure? I was told to get 4 quarts."
Me: "Positive."
YW: "I'd better get the 4 quarts. That's what I was told to get, so that's what I want."
Me: "Is all this paint going into the same room? It's not getting split up to a different room?"
YW: "It's all going in my living room."
Me: "Are you sure you don't want a gallon?"
YW: "A gallon won't be enough. Please, just make the quarts."
Me: "Okaaaayyyy...."
I make them, hand them over, and watch her walk to the checkout. When she is told her total, her face goes
, but she pays it. She paid about $46 for 4 quarts, but would have paid $26 for a gallon.
Ahh, ain't nothin' like a Florida education!
Yesterday. "Lady" on cell phone. Talking way loud. So loud, in fact, I could hear her over 3 paint mixers. She didn't seem angry, but who can tell?
"Lady" (in quotes because I use that term loosely): "WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SHE SAID THAT? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT HER HUSBAND. HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SATISFY HER, THAT'S FOR SURE. HE SURE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME!" Blah blah blah. Yes, talking about infidelity, in a public place, very loudly.
Bravo.
---------------------------
It's been cold the last few days and especially nights. We've had freeze warnings/watches/advisories for about 3 days now. For Florida, it's rare, but not uncommon.
Me: "La la laaaa" (yes, I was actually saying that.)
Guy: (Rushing up to me) "Hey, chief. Where are the snowblowers?"
Me:
"This if Florida, sir."Guy: "I know that! But we're having a freeze tonight. I want to be prepared."
Me: "This is Florida, sir."
Guy: "I know that! I know where I am! Where are the snowblowers?"
Me: "We don't carry them. We don't get snow here."
Guy: "But the Lowe's up north carry them. So you should, too."
Me: "Oh.. in that case, try aisle 27, in seasonal. Next to the lawn mowers and hammocks and garden care.
Guy: "Thanks!" Rushes off to find a clue.
---------------------------
Overheard married couple.
Wife: "What happens if I mix this red paint with a quart of yellow?"
Husband: "Knowing you, a big mess."
Wife: "Asshole."
---------------------------
Friday night. Young teens hanging out in the store. 2 of them have those wonderful Heelys on. One at one end of an aisle, the other kid opposite. They decide to play chicken.
"Get out of the way, dude!" "No, you get out of the way!" "Move, man!" "Nope!"
THUD! CRASH! "Ouch."
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
---------------------------
Guy: "So to clean oil-based paint off my brushes and hands, I need mineral spirits or paint thinner."
Me: "Yes sir."
Guy: "Okay. So how do I clean the mineral spirits off my hands?"
Me: "You could lick them clean, but I recommend soap and water."
---------------------------
Mom to her young daughter: "You don't have a big room, so I think 3 gallons should just about do it."
Three gallons will just about do a whole house.
---------------------------
"May I have a big paint stirrer (5-gallon)? It's fantasy night tonight!"
Me:
---------------------------
Lady comes up to me, wants a color made up. As I grab the can, she asks; "Can I have paint that doesn't contain lead? I don't want my child licking the walls and getting lead poisoning."
---------------------------
Young blonde woman comes to me. She wants a color made in our most expensive paint. She is painting her living room (shocking pink! ewww) and wants 4 quarts.
Me: "4 quarts?"
YW: "Yes, please. That's enough to do a 10'x15' living room, right?"
Me: "Yup. But I'll make this into a gallon. It will save you money."
YW: "Will a gallon be enough? I don't want to run short."
Me: "No worries. 4 quarts = one gallon. "
YW: "Are you sure? I was told to get 4 quarts."
Me: "Positive."
YW: "I'd better get the 4 quarts. That's what I was told to get, so that's what I want."
Me: "Is all this paint going into the same room? It's not getting split up to a different room?"
YW: "It's all going in my living room."
Me: "Are you sure you don't want a gallon?"
YW: "A gallon won't be enough. Please, just make the quarts."
Me: "Okaaaayyyy...."
I make them, hand them over, and watch her walk to the checkout. When she is told her total, her face goes
, but she pays it. She paid about $46 for 4 quarts, but would have paid $26 for a gallon. Ahh, ain't nothin' like a Florida education!
(stirring my paint. lalala)
(Rushes off to watch Dukes of Hazzard DVDs.)
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