The Depths of Apathy

[Mr Hero]

For most people who won't shut up, I tend to flash on Francis Q. Pumphandle.

...Damn, can't find it on YouTube.

Love, Who?

But everyone calls him Pip.

[ExRetailDrone]

Darwin Award

SC: “I can smell fumes from the furnace. I think its leaking gas.”
Me: “Have you turned the furnace off?”
SC: “No, it’s too cold out.”

I understand not wanting to be cold, but... really? I mean, layers can really do wonders when used properly. I can only hope that when his place blows up from his neglect, it won't take any innocent bystanders with it.

You Did What?

Bahahahaha They must not have very extensive interviewing procedures for that place. They must also not have very high standards for hiring, either.

What?

Zombie’s are not a joke you know. We’ll need to terminate their account and take the necessary precautions to increase our staffing levels for the inevitable rise in call volume a mindless horde of shuffling husks would bring us.

But, don't you already have to deal with a mindless horde of shuffling husks? The thought of even more is... terrifying.

I'm Not That Kind Of Operator!! <sob>

Me: “And your name please?”
SC: “Slower”
Me: “And…your…name…please?”
SC: “Say it slooower.”

Perhaps you should have the number for a phone sex line at the ready to give out to these types of callers, since obviously they are looking for something completely outside of what your client's offer.

What? No.

Me: "Good evening, <blatantly a computer related company>"
SC: “Do you sell tiramisu?”
Me: “Pardon?”
SC: “Do you sell tiramisu pudding?”
Me: “….No.”
SC: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Quite sure, yes.”

Mmm, tiramisu. That is all.

[Jester]

Knowledge of my existence is the leading cause of low self-esteem amongst Carebears villains.

Hilarioius! (That's all I wanted to say about this one. I promise you, there is more of my usual commentary on the way....)

Me: “Do have an account number with us?”
SC: “No, but I have an account number.”

Oh, well, that’s even better! Why didn’t you say so in the first place? If I’d known you had an account number I never would have asked for an account number. I mean come on. There’s just no comparison.

Ah, but you didn’t ask for an account number, GK. You asked if they had an account number with you. Judging from their answer, they have an account number with someone else. Makes perfect sense to me. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before—I could use the account number I have with the electric company next time I need to pay my cable bill. After all, I DO have an account number. Right? Right? Bueller? Bueller?

Hey, what’s with all the crickets?

Me: “Alright, and what was the email address?”
SC: “BigDyke69 at <domain>”

I’m impressed you gave that out, without a little voice in the back of your head going: “Hey! Uh, maybe we shouldn’t be giving out this particular email to a complete stranger and his entire company. As it probably reveals a tad more about our personal life then we really should be sharing.”

There are many people out there who are actually rather proud of such things. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least on person like that (one of my coworkers), and I have no doubt that I know several other people of the same bent that just aren’t coming to my mind at this godforsaken hour of the morning. Not to mention all the people like that that I don't actually know myself. They're out there, my friend. Oh yes...they're out there.

That’s not really the sort of thing you could make a mistake about. I think I’d know damn well whether or not I sold pudding. Especially tiramisu.

You would think so. Yet we in the food service industry get this kind of crap all the time. “Do you have peas and rice?” No. “Are you sure?” Yes. “Because I know I had it here once before.” No. No you didn’t. This establishment has never had that side dish on the menu. Ever. Fuck off. Go bother Jimmy Buffett’s employees down the road. (I have nothing against Margaritaville…they just happen to actually have peas and rice on their menu.)

Granted, the entire idea of calling around to order pudding over the phone at 2am is somewhat bizarre to begin with.

You clearly don't hang out with the folks who enjoy hitting the peace pipe, my friend. For this social group, such a thing is not only not bizarre, it is perfectly normal, and actually rather predictable.

You really think a boy named Puppy would have made it through school unscathed? -.-

Not. A. Chance.

I remember people with far less ridiculous names and the absolute crap they got for them. No one named Puppy would have made it through school without much mockery and torture.

Unless, of course, they happened to be the largest kid in the class, with a habit of beating the crap out of anyone who mocked their name. Then--and only then--would they have not been the butt of school yard jokes. At least not to their face, anyway.

[ceallaig]

Gravekeeper, I've said this before and I'll say it again -- how is it you're stuck in customer service hell and NOT writing Emmy/Oscar/Pulitzer level comedy?? I make a point of never eating or drinking anything when I read your posts, because I know if I did, I would be found dead on the floor three days later from asphyxiation, after my dog has dined on my cooling corpse and my landlady has finally figured out where the odd smell is coming from. Thank you for the laughter, and (I hate to say this) please keep em coming!

[noone]

There also appears to be one large Caramilk bar up for grabs.

DIBS

[Mr Hero]

Not. A. Chance.

I remember people with far less ridiculous names and the absolute crap they got for them. No one named Puppy would have made it through school without much mockery and torture.

Unless, of course, they happened to be the largest kid in the class, with a habit of beating the crap out of anyone who mocked their name. Then--and only then--would they have not been the butt of school yard jokes. At least not to their face, anyway.

I got teased for having a normal name that just happens to have a lot of words rhyme with it. No way Puppy would have gone unnoticed.

[Jester]

Agreed, Mr. Hero.

I have known and gone to school with some people with either unusual or amusing names, and every one of them got shit for it at one point or another. Hell, kids don't even need a funny name to make fun of a name. If they want to make fun of someone, they can twist any name around. If the name is easier to make fun of, the odds of it happening are multiplied exponentially. A name like "Puppy"? Guar-an-teed.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I got teased for having a normal name that just happens to have a lot of words rhyme with it. No way Puppy would have gone unnoticed.

Agreed, Mr. Hero.

I have known and gone to school with some people with either unusual or amusing names, and every one of them got shit for it at one point or another. Hell, kids don't even need a funny name to make fun of a name. If they want to make fun of someone, they can twist any name around. If the name is easier to make fun of, the odds of it happening are multiplied exponentially. A name like "Puppy"? Guar-an-teed.

Speaking as another person who's RL last name is perfect fodder for all kinds of various jokes-- not to mention the misery I got put through when my tormentors deliberately misheard my middle name as "Kibble"-- I agree, there's NO CHANCE that someone with a name like "Puppy" would make it through even grade school without a metric ton of abuse.

[Andara Bledin]

They only thing that gets left out for me at night is several boxes of Disdain and I have to go easy on them to make them last the whole shift.

So, you come supplied with your own Snark, then?

The average civilian such as myself probably couldn’t comprehend the dazzling array of expertise required to get oneself into such a predicament.

Mayhaps not, but I bet we'd laugh our asses off at them, even in our confusion.

Are they related to CRML's locked out idiots?

( And yes the property manager suggested just leaving them there all night when I called him -.- )

A shame he couldn't do just that.

I’m beginning to suspect you have an ulterior motive here that’s completely unrelated to your hearing abilities. I feel the need to once again remind you that I am not that kind of operator. Despite the unsettlingly constant wishes to the contrary I’ve been encountering on a weekly basis.

I blame that clip that you let loose on the Internet.

...almost a full 24 hours after the fact!

That tells me that they lost a whole day, somewhere.

There is only a remarkably narrow band of people that can get away with wearing a hoodie or toque with cat ears on it.

While once this was true, that band is getting less narrow by the day.

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

My name is resoundingly average in all respects. It stopped no one when I was growing up. Children are creative little bastards.

While once this was true, that band is getting less narrow by the day.

^-.-^

And this both terrifies and disturbs me. This guy looked like an 80s punk rock left over yet for no reason he had a toque with big fluffy cat ears on. Like he just left his house drunk and his little sister handed it too him on his way out. But he hasn't seen his reflection anywhere yet.

[Jester]

This guy looked like an 80s punk rock left over yet for no reason he had a toque with big fluffy cat ears on.

Oddly, I can relate to that.

Sure, I wear jester hats and other goofy hats randomly while bar-hopping....but I'm an odd guy on an odd island where such things are not that out of place.

But back in high school, in a relatively normal place (Phoenix), I once was dared by a female friend to go through my classes wearing some rabbit ears she had brought in. (There was no holiday or special event...somehow we just got to talking about it.)

Not one to back down from a dare, I had no problem with this, and went about my task. And got some very strange looks. As amusing as the strange looks were the other students who went out of their way NOT to look at me or notice me. And then there were just some classic comments. The runner-up was the ditzy cheerleader who saw nothing wrong with a skinny dude wearing bunny ears, and simply said, "Oh, those are cool. Where did you get them?" The winner, though, was my physics teacher who simply asked, "So, Jester, trying to pick up cable?"

I would have made it through the whole day, too, but halfway through the school day, when I saw my girlfriend (The Enchantress, my first love) and went up to hug and/or kiss her, she backed away from me, making it abundantly clear that she would NOT be seen with me while I was wearing those silly things. (Though she was laughing the entire time.) Very shortly after that incident, I saw my friend who had dared me, and citing the incident with my girlfriend, told her it was HER turn to wear the damn bunny ears through HER classes. The wuss wouldn't do it.

Unrelated post script: this past Easter my friend Little Red and I spent the day wearing pink bunny ears. The funny part to me was that, while she looked cute and I looked like a major dork, she was the one who was self-conscious about them!

[Andara Bledin]

Sure, I wear jester hats and other goofy hats randomly while bar-hopping....but I'm an odd guy on an odd island where such things are not that out of place.

I decided, yesterday, that I would go through the day with clip-on pink leopard spotted cat ears on, for the final day of the gaming convention. I kept them on while packing up, for the drive home, for the dinner at Sizzler, and up until I got in the front door.

(mine look better than the ones in that link, though)

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

I decided, yesterday, that I would go through the day with clip-on pink leopard spotted cat ears on, for the final day of the gaming convention.

Gah, thats almost what he had, only they were red.

[Becks]

[URL="http://www.etsy.com/listing/63067079/pink-leopard-cat-ear-clips"]

Oooooh!!! I want a pair now!

[AriRashkae]

I think I have a new Facebook status.

You and me both.

I decided, yesterday, that I would go through the day with clip-on pink leopard spotted cat ears on, for the final day of the gaming convention.

Want these too. I have a black kitty ear headband I wear semi-regularly, and I usually get weird looks. The kids who see it and squeal are the best.