Old Goose Story (kinda long, but funny)

[noone]

So, this actually happened a year ago, but I just remembered it while stalking the archives.

My boyfriend is a cashier, and one day he called me while he was on his break.

Me: Hey sweetie, how are ya?"
Bf: Hey... I'm icing my crotch.
Me: Um...
Bf: A GOOSE got into the store.
Me: waitwhat?
Bf: You know... The entrance closest to the inlet? A goose got in there.
Me: Good God, did you have to tackle it or call Animal Control?
Bf: Neither. Me and another co worker started herding it out, and it was relatively calm, until the toddler shouted "GOOSE!" And charged at it.
Me: Oh god. Did it attack the kid?
Bf: No. It attacked the closest thing to it. Me. In the crotch.
Me: *SNRRK* Oh god, I'm so sorry sweetie. Do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?
Bf: I've got ice on it right now... the Manager gave me a long break.
Me: So how'd you get it out of the store?
Bf: I grabbed it by the neck and pulled it off. Then I walked it to the door, throat in hand.
Me:... and it didn't kill you?
Bf: No, it was actually really- one sec. (talking to someone else) What? No... WHAT? (back to me) A girl just said "You know, heat is better for cramping." She realized I was a guy afterwards and walked off.
Me: ... I love you dearly sweetie, but would you kill me if I laughed?
Bf: Go right ahead, I plan to once the swelling goes down.
Me:

[noone]

Crap, I just realized I put this in the wrong place. How do I move it?

[Raveni]

When I was at grocery store, I had a dog run in, do a lap around the perimiter of the store, then run right out the automatic door again. Didn't look dangerous, or look like it was searching for someone, it just made everyone stop what they were doing and stare...

[Mikkel]

Crap, I just realized I put this in the wrong place. How do I move it?

You appeal to the mods. They can move it

I can just imagine the drama and boyfriend throwing the angry goose out singlehandedly.

[wagegoth]

My hubs and I agree that geese are proof that present day birds are descended directly from dinosaurs. Evil, evil creatures. But tasty.

[JPD]

geese are proof that present day birds are descended directly from dinosaurs. Evil, evil creatures

I agree. At one point I was late getting home from a walk (probably about 4th grade). The reason I was late:

A goose had me pinned up against a tree. It didn't help that I had just finished reading a book in which a character had gotten attacked by a goose.

My mom, in realizing the hilarity of the issue, didn't ground me, like she promised she would do if I was late.

[Stryker One]

Yeah, if that had happened to me, I don't think the goose would still be alive.

[Shalom]

So now you know why "goose" is also a verb.

[noone]

See, people wonder why I'm afraid of things like geese and llamas instead of sheep or horses. They're devil spawn! (Llamas have nothing to do with this post, I just fear their projectile regurgitation spit...)

[auntiem]

See, people wonder why I'm afraid of things like geese and llamas instead of sheep or horses. They're devil spawn! (Llamas have nothing to do with this post, I just fear their projectile regurgitation spit...)

don't forget goats - evil evil goats *twitch*

There was a local park when I was growing up that had a "geese and swan problem" they ranged the park like packs of waddling fury and attacked at random - no one knows what set them off, but it took all summer for them to calm down.

[noone]

don't forget goats - evil evil goats *twitch*

There was a local park when I was growing up that had a "geese and swan problem" they ranged the park like packs of waddling fury and attacked at random - no one knows what set them off, but it took all summer for them to calm down.

I can handle goats, and I can think of a great way to fix the geese and swan problem. I've never had swan, but I bet it'd be tasty.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Me: *SNRRK* Oh god, I'm so sorry sweetie. Do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?

You're a keeper.

[Teskeria]

Goats are fun. When I was 8 I had a headbutting contest with a goat. I won. My mother teases me about it to this day.

[shankyknitter]

This thread makes me think of this:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.../dinosaur.html

If you haven't read it yet go do it now.

[noone]

This thread makes me think of this:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.../dinosaur.html

If you haven't read it yet go do it now.

Oh, I love Hyperbole and a half, I hadn't seen this one yet!