So Stupid I'm Laughing and Crying

[BookBint]

The author from http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=75129, i.e. the worst author, by several light years, that I have ever had to deal with, has outdone herself.

Having repaged much of her book, and, by this Wednesday (2nd) make 34 pages of corrections, replaced 27 maps and sent her yet another PDF of the book to look at, I get this email on Wednesday evening. Italics are mine (obviously).

Bookbint

I think that it is now coming to a close and that you have done a good job. FUCK YOU BITCH! DON'T PAT ME ON THE HEAD YOU UNGODLY BEAST! I now need you to:

1) You send me two printed scripts (in good quality so I can see the maps) with the colour sections. The have to be sent to reach me on Tuesday as I am going on holiday tonight. Plus the PDF by email.

2) I will read one (and a friend is reading the other) this will take around one week, and at that time I will correct the maps (that are full of errors). YOU PROVIDED THE MAPS! THEY ARE YOUR ERRORS!

3) You read chapters 11-16 again as these were the last to go in. NO. I HAVE ACTUAL IMPORTANT BOOKS TO DO, AND I ALREADY READ THEM ONCE.

4) When you have made the changes you send me a PDF of the finished version and I will sign this off. YOU DON'T GET TO SIGN OFF. YOU ARE AN AUTHOR. DIE IN A FIRE.

This woman has seen 13 versions of this book, in the form of hard copy and PDFs. And yet she wants yet another copy, and for herself and her 'friend' to read it all over again. We do not have time for this. All advance sales we made have been cancelled, and in extra man hours alone, we will not make any profit on this book. So, I reply:

Dear X,

I’m afraid we do not have the time for you and your friend to read the entire manuscript again, as the absolute deadline for the book is Friday 11th March. However I am happy to make the changes you have listed, and will send you a high resolution PDF so you can see the maps clearly. In order to get everything in order, we require (by Wednesday 9th March at the latest):

1) A list of the changes you wish to make to the maps so we can see if they are necessary, and whether we can do them at our end rather than you resupplying them.

2) A list of index entries. Due to time constraints the book will be indexed here.

Best wishes,

Bookbint

All straightforward, basically, 'you've read this book 13 times, let it go, it needs to be printed.' Her response?

Cancel the book then.

That was all she wrote. I started laughing hysterically in the office. Oh I WISH I COULD!

The managing editor who is supposedly overseeing the project had sent her a pacifying email telling her not to panic, but at least backed me up saying that a week was more than enough for her to do her final checks, and that we didn't have time for her to read it again. No reply as yet, although she is supposed to be on holiday. Though I don't believe she doesn't have internet access...

She is clearly sulking and thinks we are panicking that she might pull her fantastic wonderful book. Oh the delusion, it blows my mind.

[Hanzoku]

I know you mentioned that it was a book full of rare and useful interviews... but someone should just lay out the cold hard truth that

1) She sucks as a writer
2) All errors are hers, all errors removed were done by you and your company
3) That the book is unprofitable for the company to publish
4) Due to the delays in her shipping date, all of her making, there is no further interest in the book

so the fact that you're still willing to publish her work at all should be considered a major act of generosity.

[Parrothead]

Please update when you get them! This is hysterical!

[Marmalady]

All I can say is that I am dying with curiosity to know who is involved in the interviews contained in the book, to make it worth the trouble of having to deal with this author in order to get them printed.

[chainedbarista]

wow, i wish you could charge idiots like her extra fees simply for wasting your time like this. review, accept changes and let it print already. it's not the new literary sensation of the 21st century after all.

[MoonCat]

And she wants to take A WEEK to reread this thing?? A WEEK? To read one book, that she should know backwards and forwards?

[XCashier]

I know you mentioned that it was a book full of rare and useful interviews... but someone should just lay out the cold hard truth that

1) She sucks as a writer
2) All errors are hers, all errors removed were done by you and your company
3) That the book is unprofitable for the company to publish
4) Due to the delays in her shipping date, all of her making, there is no further interest in the book

so the fact that you're still willing to publish her work at all should be considered a major act of generosity.

Even if someone did sit her down and tell her this, she wouldn't believe it. She'd just think you were picking on her because you were jealous of her brilliant writing talent.

Some people are so deluded there is no helping them.

[Captain Trips]

Actually, I think it's your bosses that are deluding themselves. I know you said the interviews are valuable, but as you've pointed out, you have hit the zero-point of diminishing returns. Unless this book hits the New York Times best seller list at number one and stays there for a year, your company is not going to profit one penny at this point!

It's time to cut the losses, tell her she can't write, and to take her friggin' book to a vanity press!

[Jester]

I asked in the other thread, and I'll ask again here: if the interviews are so golden, and her writing so terrible, and the company has the publishing rights to the book, why not just publish the interviews on their own, without her craptastical commentary? Or is there some contractual reason that is not feasible?

[Hanzoku]

The company has to have rights to the interviews, otherwise I'd think it'd be intellectual property theft. Specifically, I think sucktastic author was the conductor of the interviews, so there's no going around her.

[Betweenshades]

I'm so, SO curious what's so special about these interviews that your company is willing to tolerate this person's asshatary!

I can't wait for the updates!

[Sapphire Silk]

I asked in the other thread, and I'll ask again here: if the interviews are so golden, and her writing so terrible, and the company has the publishing rights to the book, why not just publish the interviews on their own, without her craptastical commentary? Or is there some contractual reason that is not feasible?

When an author signs a contract for a book publishing, they typically sell First North American publishing rights, which is not the same thing as ownership of the material itself. It means that publisher and no other can publish that particular book.

I'll bet that also means suckywad author can't take her book elsewhere without violating the contract, which means it won't see the light of day.

[TheSHAD0W]

Unfortunately it also means they're out the advance, which they'd probably have to sue for to get back.

[Jester]

I don't know publishing law, and I am not a lawyer, and I may be wrong, but.....

Wouldn't it be possible under the contract between publisher and author for the publisher to make the author an offer, something like this: "Look, the interviews are great, but the writing is just not working. We like the work you did with the people, but we really don't think the commentary is going to work. As the book stands right now, we're not sure we can really publish it. However, we know you did a lot of work with this, so we'd like to make you an offer. We'd like to publish the interviews on their own, giving you full credit for conducting them. Frankly, we think the material would be stronger without commentary."

Or something like that.

Just a thought.

[Polenicus]

I don't know publishing law, and I am not a lawyer, and I may be wrong, but.....

Wouldn't it be possible under the contract between publisher and author for the publisher to make the author an offer, something like this: "Look, the interviews are great, but the writing is just not working. We like the work you did with the people, but we really don't think the commentary is going to work. As the book stands right now, we're not sure we can really publish it. However, we know you did a lot of work with this, so we'd like to make you an offer. We'd like to publish the interviews on their own, giving you full credit for conducting them. Frankly, we think the material would be stronger without commentary."

Or something like that.

Just a thought.

That would definitely work with any sane, rational, mature individual.

... But if we were dealing with a sane, rational, mature individual, we wouldn't have all these fun stories to read, would we?

I expect this approach would merely enrage her. Her ego has inflated to dangerous proportions, and the desire the publisher has for these interviews has obviously given her a delusion of importance and ability... she probably believes it's the BOOK they want so much, not just the interviews, that she is in fact one of the best authors of the 21st century, and when her book is published it will be the most influential and important work this decade.

The fact that these fools can't see this, and keep bogging her work down with 'grammatical corrections' and 'deadlines' just proves that they're jealous, and are trying to change the nature of her work to steal some of the glory for themselves.

Or something like that. I predict she's going to try and pull the book, sell it somewhere else, discover very quickly that she CAN'T, and come back.