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A Whole Shipful of Pwn
A deeply troublesome author who thankfully I have never had to deal with before today (he tried to do military history and failed, ye haw) made one of my CWs at first cry then laugh with joy today, and all before lunchtime.
His book went to press a month ago, and as we speak it is plopping off the end of a conveyor belt in a printing warehouse. So as you can imagine, my CW, Editor C, was very much disturbed to get a call from the author demanding she stop the book going to press. He said that he had been looking over the proofs and had noticed that a particular ship (the book is about ocean liners) had been mispelled throughout the text, in total over 250 references. Disaster, obviously. No reviewer is going to take a specialist naval book seriously if a very famous ship is mispelled; that would be like a book about sports cars talking about 'Pherrarris'.
Anyway, before she could even get a word in he started screaming and actually called her 'a bitch' amongst many other insults as to her intelligence, professionalism and worth as a human being. Luckily she had the presence of mind to put the phone on loudspeaker and beckon over the Head of Publishing, who happened to be passing, and soon we were all gathered around listening to this utter penishead shouting for a full five minutes without even seeming to stop and draw breath. Editor C eventually managed to cut him off and said she would go to the proofs and check herself, and then meet with the Directors to see how we should proceed.
Once the call ended she started, if not crying, certainly getting very wet-eyed, which was unsurprising given the venom she'd absorbed. While she was cleaning herself up she asked me to pull up the PDF files that were sent to press (backed up on the server) so she could see the damage for herself. I did so, and immediately was struck by the fact that to my knowledge, the ship, the Lusitania was spelled correctly, and no matter how many different searches I did of possible misspellings, (Luisitania, Lutitania, Luistana etc) I couldn't find a mistake anywhere.
This of course sent the office into stitches of laughter, even poor Editor C. She said she couldn't bear to ring the man back yet, so, because I was bored and enjoy pwning such people, I volunteered.
He answered on the first ring and before I'd even finished my 'Hello, this is BookBint calling from X Publishing House' he started in on me, saying that the company was useless, that Editor C was useless, and that the book would have to be pulped, that as a member of the Society of Authors he would sue us etc etc.
SIDEBAR: All publishers hate the Society of Authors. Real writers may pay the £90 membership fee so they get discounted travel and freebies, but they never threaten their editors with the Society's wrath (which is mighty, as far as the Society is concerned, publishers are evil, no matter that without us their members would be publishing their books on tree bark). However, first time and very pompous authors think that membership (non-selective, anyone can join) makes them like god, and that therefore we have to do everything they want, regardless of the fact that we invest a great deal of money preparing and printing their book without a guaranteed return.
Anyway, before he could get into full flow, I cut him off:
BB: Having talked to Editor C, I understand that you think there is a spelling mistake throughout your book?
A: Yes, the Lusitania is spelled wrong! This is a disaster! Two years of my life-
BB: Well we've checked through the files sent to press and can't find the errors you describe. Are you certain it was that ship you were thinking of? I was baiting him intentionally. Dance monkey, dance!
A: Yes! It was wrong!
BB: Ok, well perhaps you're thinking of a different ship with a similar name? This is the vessel that was sunk in 1915?
A: Yes! For god's sake the bloody thing is wrong! I can't believe your company would be so inept-
BB: Well that is indeed the name we checked... How do you think it should be spelled?
A: What?
BB: Well the spelling in the book is L.U.S.I.T.A.N.I.A. Is that right?
A: No! It should be L.U.I.S.I.T.A.N.I.A!
BB: Well we've checked the National Martime archives, and our large library of past books, including one which is considered the definitive work on the ship, and our spelling is the one found there.
A: What?
BB: That is the correct spelling.
A: No it isn't! I've been writing books on naval history for 25 years-
BB: In fact it is even the spelling used on the official website of the vessel, www.lusitania.net.
A: Buh...
BB: Sir, I don't wish to be rude, but it appears you have been mistaken in your spelling of this particular ship.
A: Oh.
BB: As you can imagine Editor C didn't want to contact you herself, but wishes you to know that the correct spelling has indeed been used throughout and that you will be receiving your 10 complimentary copies when the book is released in May.
A: Oh.
BB: Anyway, nice to talk to you. Goodbye.
Later Editor C's assistant came back to his desk and was told about the commotion. He had done the original edit on the book, and when asked about the spelling, said: 'Oh yeah, that was wrong the whole way through. I just changed them all. Why?'
His book went to press a month ago, and as we speak it is plopping off the end of a conveyor belt in a printing warehouse. So as you can imagine, my CW, Editor C, was very much disturbed to get a call from the author demanding she stop the book going to press. He said that he had been looking over the proofs and had noticed that a particular ship (the book is about ocean liners) had been mispelled throughout the text, in total over 250 references. Disaster, obviously. No reviewer is going to take a specialist naval book seriously if a very famous ship is mispelled; that would be like a book about sports cars talking about 'Pherrarris'.
Anyway, before she could even get a word in he started screaming and actually called her 'a bitch' amongst many other insults as to her intelligence, professionalism and worth as a human being. Luckily she had the presence of mind to put the phone on loudspeaker and beckon over the Head of Publishing, who happened to be passing, and soon we were all gathered around listening to this utter penishead shouting for a full five minutes without even seeming to stop and draw breath. Editor C eventually managed to cut him off and said she would go to the proofs and check herself, and then meet with the Directors to see how we should proceed.
Once the call ended she started, if not crying, certainly getting very wet-eyed, which was unsurprising given the venom she'd absorbed. While she was cleaning herself up she asked me to pull up the PDF files that were sent to press (backed up on the server) so she could see the damage for herself. I did so, and immediately was struck by the fact that to my knowledge, the ship, the Lusitania was spelled correctly, and no matter how many different searches I did of possible misspellings, (Luisitania, Lutitania, Luistana etc) I couldn't find a mistake anywhere.
This of course sent the office into stitches of laughter, even poor Editor C. She said she couldn't bear to ring the man back yet, so, because I was bored and enjoy pwning such people, I volunteered.
He answered on the first ring and before I'd even finished my 'Hello, this is BookBint calling from X Publishing House' he started in on me, saying that the company was useless, that Editor C was useless, and that the book would have to be pulped, that as a member of the Society of Authors he would sue us etc etc.
SIDEBAR: All publishers hate the Society of Authors. Real writers may pay the £90 membership fee so they get discounted travel and freebies, but they never threaten their editors with the Society's wrath (which is mighty, as far as the Society is concerned, publishers are evil, no matter that without us their members would be publishing their books on tree bark). However, first time and very pompous authors think that membership (non-selective, anyone can join) makes them like god, and that therefore we have to do everything they want, regardless of the fact that we invest a great deal of money preparing and printing their book without a guaranteed return.
Anyway, before he could get into full flow, I cut him off:
BB: Having talked to Editor C, I understand that you think there is a spelling mistake throughout your book?
A: Yes, the Lusitania is spelled wrong! This is a disaster! Two years of my life-
BB: Well we've checked through the files sent to press and can't find the errors you describe. Are you certain it was that ship you were thinking of? I was baiting him intentionally. Dance monkey, dance!
A: Yes! It was wrong!
BB: Ok, well perhaps you're thinking of a different ship with a similar name? This is the vessel that was sunk in 1915?
A: Yes! For god's sake the bloody thing is wrong! I can't believe your company would be so inept-
BB: Well that is indeed the name we checked... How do you think it should be spelled?
A: What?
BB: Well the spelling in the book is L.U.S.I.T.A.N.I.A. Is that right?
A: No! It should be L.U.I.S.I.T.A.N.I.A!
BB: Well we've checked the National Martime archives, and our large library of past books, including one which is considered the definitive work on the ship, and our spelling is the one found there.
A: What?
BB: That is the correct spelling.
A: No it isn't! I've been writing books on naval history for 25 years-
BB: In fact it is even the spelling used on the official website of the vessel, www.lusitania.net.
A: Buh...
BB: Sir, I don't wish to be rude, but it appears you have been mistaken in your spelling of this particular ship.
A: Oh.
BB: As you can imagine Editor C didn't want to contact you herself, but wishes you to know that the correct spelling has indeed been used throughout and that you will be receiving your 10 complimentary copies when the book is released in May.
A: Oh.
BB: Anyway, nice to talk to you. Goodbye.
Later Editor C's assistant came back to his desk and was told about the commotion. He had done the original edit on the book, and when asked about the spelling, said: 'Oh yeah, that was wrong the whole way through. I just changed them all. Why?'
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