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These people weren't full on sucky, just....annoying.
That's Not How It Works On This Planet
A couple comes in and orders two drinks. Has a 2 for 1 coupon. No problem. They finish their first round of drinks.
JESTER: Folks, would you like another round?
HER: Can we do another 2 for 1?
JESTER: Sure, if you have another coupon!
HER: No, I meant with the same coupon we gave you.
JESTER:
Um.....noooo. I'm sorry, ma'am, but we can only do one 2 for 1 per coupon. If you have another one, I can do another 2 for 1, as it's one coupon per person per day.
HER:
Oh.
A few minutes later, they somehow found their second coupon. But seriously, in what store, restaurant, automotive garage, opera, porn shop or brothel can you use one coupon twice? I've never seen it, and I know she hasn't either.
The Key Might Be Your Choice of Ingredients
A group of four (two couples) come in. One couple orders beers, the third guy orders a margarita, and the last woman asks for a margarita, the sweetest kind we have. I say that would be either mango or strawberry. She wants the sweetest. I guess that that would be strawberry. She says sure, and asks for a sugar rim...and she again reminds me that she wants it SWEET.
Okay, look. While I am a pretty damn good mixologist, when it comes to frozen drinks, with few exceptions (and this ain't one of them), we pour in the liquor and then the pre-made puree. So as I'm walking away to make the drinks, I have a thought. "Ma'am, if you really want it sweet, would you prefer a strawberry daiquiri?" No, of course not. She wants a margarita. Naturally.
For those of you that don't drink, allow me to introduce you to my friends Rum and Tequila.
Rum is made from either sugar cane juice or molasses, a by-product of sugar production. In other words, for all intents and purposes, rum is fermented sugar juice.
Tequila is made from the juice of the agave plant, which is a cactus. It's basically very tart.
Sweet sugar juice or tart cactus juice. Which might be sweeter? Sugar? Cactus? Sugar? Cactus? Naturally the former! But does she want this in her drink? Of course not! She wants the tart juice of a desert plant, in her drink.....but she wants it SWEET.
Riiiiiiight.
So I make the drink, knowing full well what's coming.
"It's not sweet enough."
Really, lady? Really? You had me put TEQUILA in a blender with strawberry puree, and are honestly surprised that it is not as sweet as you want it?
Now, in retrospect, I probably could have thrown some simple syrup (fancy name for sugar water, which we use for mojitos and caipirinhas) in the blender too, but I know, you know, and everyone else knows what would have followed. One of two responses, either said in a whiny voice:
"It's not sweet enough!"
"It's too sweet!"
Okay, fine. You're an adult but you want to go through life with the ignorance of a child? Great. I'll offer you a solution.
JESTER: Would you like some sugar?
HER: No.
Of course not!
A few minutes later, her Pawn in Shining Armor asks me, "Can we have some Splenda?"
Riiiiiiiiiight.
So I hand them a sugar/sweetener caddy, and watch this woman dump not one, not two, but at least THREE fucking Splenda packets into her strawberry margarita.
Of course, she could have saved herself the trouble by, oh, I dunno, taking the bartender's advice and getting a strawberry fucking daiquiri. You know, the cocktail with rum in it!
Defending the Keep
I didn't deal with this directly, but I did witness it.
Two bums stroll in right at opening, one dressed vaguely appropriate, the other with only shorts on--no shoes, no shirt.
But they are not here to be customers and buy drinks or food, oh no.
They come in, and right at the hostess stand are not only both servers, but also the manager on duty, Amazon, and the GM, MC Greek. (Don't ask me where I get these names. Just trust that they are appropriate to the people I assign them to.) Now, neither one of these folks Takes Any Shit. And they definitely are not going to Take Any Shit from a couple of bums.
The fully dressed bum is carrying a six-pack of beer. Apparently these two upstanding citizens came into some money and decided to splurge, buying a six-pack of Something Cold and Refreshing. (I don't know what.) But apparently these NASA scientists overlooked two small details.
The beers they bought did not have twist tops.
And they didn't have a bottle opener.
Which is why they now darkened our door.
"Can we borrow an opener?"
MC Greek: "No, sorry buddy."
Amazon: "But we'll sell you one!" (We have, among other retail items, bottle openers.)
"No, we don't want to buy one. We just want to borrow one to open up these beers."
Yes. These beers that you bought Elsewhere. Let us think about that for just a moment...okay, that's enough. No.
Now, despite the fact that both servers and myself all have some sort of opener on their person, and Amazon knows this fully well, she looks the bums right in the eyes and says, "Sorry. I don't happen to carry one around with me." Technically true. Ignoring the aforementioned fact that the bums had to know....the staff, however, did.
But MC Greek and Amazon are making it abundantly clear that we are not, in fact, a bottle opening service for wayward drunks who buy High Quality Beer but then run out of funds to purchase an opener for said beverages. They are forming a mental wall that the bums cannot breach, as it is at least knee high, which clearly exceeds their mental capacity. Neither of them turned to the servers (who were just watching this with amusement). Nor did they turn to me, busy behind the bar cutting up fruit. Nor, honestly, would it have mattered if they had. For MC Greek and Amazon would have made it clear that This Was Not Happening.
Without ever raising a hand, these two successfully defended the fortress, keeping out the Riff Raff Barbarians. I stood in silent awe of their powers, and watched as the bums left, utterly and hopelessly defeated, still searching for their precious bottle opener, preferably before their high-priced loot warmed up.
Today was an entertaining day.
That's Not How It Works On This Planet
A couple comes in and orders two drinks. Has a 2 for 1 coupon. No problem. They finish their first round of drinks.
JESTER: Folks, would you like another round?
HER: Can we do another 2 for 1?
JESTER: Sure, if you have another coupon!
HER: No, I meant with the same coupon we gave you.
JESTER:
Um.....noooo. I'm sorry, ma'am, but we can only do one 2 for 1 per coupon. If you have another one, I can do another 2 for 1, as it's one coupon per person per day. HER:
Oh.A few minutes later, they somehow found their second coupon. But seriously, in what store, restaurant, automotive garage, opera, porn shop or brothel can you use one coupon twice? I've never seen it, and I know she hasn't either.
The Key Might Be Your Choice of Ingredients
A group of four (two couples) come in. One couple orders beers, the third guy orders a margarita, and the last woman asks for a margarita, the sweetest kind we have. I say that would be either mango or strawberry. She wants the sweetest. I guess that that would be strawberry. She says sure, and asks for a sugar rim...and she again reminds me that she wants it SWEET.
Okay, look. While I am a pretty damn good mixologist, when it comes to frozen drinks, with few exceptions (and this ain't one of them), we pour in the liquor and then the pre-made puree. So as I'm walking away to make the drinks, I have a thought. "Ma'am, if you really want it sweet, would you prefer a strawberry daiquiri?" No, of course not. She wants a margarita. Naturally.
For those of you that don't drink, allow me to introduce you to my friends Rum and Tequila.
Rum is made from either sugar cane juice or molasses, a by-product of sugar production. In other words, for all intents and purposes, rum is fermented sugar juice.
Tequila is made from the juice of the agave plant, which is a cactus. It's basically very tart.
Sweet sugar juice or tart cactus juice. Which might be sweeter? Sugar? Cactus? Sugar? Cactus? Naturally the former! But does she want this in her drink? Of course not! She wants the tart juice of a desert plant, in her drink.....but she wants it SWEET.
Riiiiiiight.
So I make the drink, knowing full well what's coming.
"It's not sweet enough."
Really, lady? Really? You had me put TEQUILA in a blender with strawberry puree, and are honestly surprised that it is not as sweet as you want it?
Now, in retrospect, I probably could have thrown some simple syrup (fancy name for sugar water, which we use for mojitos and caipirinhas) in the blender too, but I know, you know, and everyone else knows what would have followed. One of two responses, either said in a whiny voice:
"It's not sweet enough!"
"It's too sweet!"
Okay, fine. You're an adult but you want to go through life with the ignorance of a child? Great. I'll offer you a solution.
JESTER: Would you like some sugar?
HER: No.
Of course not!
A few minutes later, her Pawn in Shining Armor asks me, "Can we have some Splenda?"
Riiiiiiiiiight.
So I hand them a sugar/sweetener caddy, and watch this woman dump not one, not two, but at least THREE fucking Splenda packets into her strawberry margarita.
Of course, she could have saved herself the trouble by, oh, I dunno, taking the bartender's advice and getting a strawberry fucking daiquiri. You know, the cocktail with rum in it!
Defending the Keep
I didn't deal with this directly, but I did witness it.
Two bums stroll in right at opening, one dressed vaguely appropriate, the other with only shorts on--no shoes, no shirt.
But they are not here to be customers and buy drinks or food, oh no.
They come in, and right at the hostess stand are not only both servers, but also the manager on duty, Amazon, and the GM, MC Greek. (Don't ask me where I get these names. Just trust that they are appropriate to the people I assign them to.) Now, neither one of these folks Takes Any Shit. And they definitely are not going to Take Any Shit from a couple of bums.
The fully dressed bum is carrying a six-pack of beer. Apparently these two upstanding citizens came into some money and decided to splurge, buying a six-pack of Something Cold and Refreshing. (I don't know what.) But apparently these NASA scientists overlooked two small details.
The beers they bought did not have twist tops.
And they didn't have a bottle opener.
Which is why they now darkened our door.
"Can we borrow an opener?"
MC Greek: "No, sorry buddy."
Amazon: "But we'll sell you one!" (We have, among other retail items, bottle openers.)
"No, we don't want to buy one. We just want to borrow one to open up these beers."
Yes. These beers that you bought Elsewhere. Let us think about that for just a moment...okay, that's enough. No.
Now, despite the fact that both servers and myself all have some sort of opener on their person, and Amazon knows this fully well, she looks the bums right in the eyes and says, "Sorry. I don't happen to carry one around with me." Technically true. Ignoring the aforementioned fact that the bums had to know....the staff, however, did.
But MC Greek and Amazon are making it abundantly clear that we are not, in fact, a bottle opening service for wayward drunks who buy High Quality Beer but then run out of funds to purchase an opener for said beverages. They are forming a mental wall that the bums cannot breach, as it is at least knee high, which clearly exceeds their mental capacity. Neither of them turned to the servers (who were just watching this with amusement). Nor did they turn to me, busy behind the bar cutting up fruit. Nor, honestly, would it have mattered if they had. For MC Greek and Amazon would have made it clear that This Was Not Happening.
Without ever raising a hand, these two successfully defended the fortress, keeping out the Riff Raff Barbarians. I stood in silent awe of their powers, and watched as the bums left, utterly and hopelessly defeated, still searching for their precious bottle opener, preferably before their high-priced loot warmed up.
Today was an entertaining day.
).
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