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I recently started a second job taking pizza orders from the comfort of my own livingroom... Well, of course we all know there had to be a couple of customers who would make the front page.
The lone asshat
My call basically starts by asking for the phone number, and then confirming the city and street address (we deliver across four provinces, so the city isn't necessarily obvious, and with the advent of cellphones and amalgamation, sometimes it's necessary to check, because the streets have changed names or whatever). Point is, I have to ask.
Me: May I start with your phone number please?
SC: 416-xxx-xxxx (it's important to note that 416 is a Toronto area code, but anybody in the GTA - which is about 27 cities - could have 416 as a cellphone area code).
Me: For which city?
SC: WHAT? Toronto, obviously!
Me: Sorry sir, we have to ask
SC: Listen, I've been calling (Pizza provider) for thirty years, and I have NEVER had ANYONE ask me what city I'm calling from!!! (possible, but not plausible - I'm showing he's ordered with us precisely TWICE from this phone number, three years apart).
Me: I apologize, sir. May I confirm your address please?
SC: No, you know what? F(*$&# YOU!!!! *click*
*waits a beat*
Me: And would you like a complimentary side of Valium with your order this evening, sir?
Bargaining??
Our system is designed so that I can only enter items that we have available on our current menu, and I can't change any of the prices. EVER. It's physically not possible. I have had at least a dozen customers beg me to just throw in a couple of dipping sauces for free. People, it's 69ø. Really? One guy got really mad and canceled his entire order because I wouldn't toss in a free dipping sauce. I tried explaining the whole "can't" situation, but he totally flipped when I said I couldn't. Oh well, his loss. No pizza goodness for HIM tonight. I wonder how many times he phoned back to try to find a rep who would bend to his will LOL
Lonely.... I'm Mr. Lonely....
This guy... I swear, he was either a cuddly drunk or he was really stoned. SG = Stoner Guy, Me = well....
SG: I love calling (Pizza provider)! You guys are always so friendly and polite!
Me: Thank you sir, we do aim to please Can I start with your phone number?
SG: You want my number? Already? we hardly know each other! (oh boy... he's a comedian).
Me: ...
SG: I just love (Pizza provider). You guys are so awesome to talk to! I can call you any time and just chat with you!
Me: And what would you like to order this evening, sir? (you can see where this is going, can't you?)
SG: Well, I'd really just like to talk to you for a bit. Can we do that? Just talk?
Me: Actually sir, we're not allowed to do that. It ties up the phone lines.
SG: You mean we can't just sit here and chat for a little while? I really like talking to you.
Me: Unfortunately not, sir. (was tempted to suggest a telephone dating site at this point, but kept my mouth shut).
SG: Cause you know, I really just want someone to talk to right now, and you sound really nice.
Me: Sorry sir, can't do it. You'll either have to order something, or I'll have to hang up.
SG: And sexy...
Me: And that terminates our conversation for this evening. Have a good night! *click*
Honestly, I expected to hear some fapping in the background any second there...
The lone asshat
My call basically starts by asking for the phone number, and then confirming the city and street address (we deliver across four provinces, so the city isn't necessarily obvious, and with the advent of cellphones and amalgamation, sometimes it's necessary to check, because the streets have changed names or whatever). Point is, I have to ask.
Me: May I start with your phone number please?
SC: 416-xxx-xxxx (it's important to note that 416 is a Toronto area code, but anybody in the GTA - which is about 27 cities - could have 416 as a cellphone area code).
Me: For which city?
SC: WHAT? Toronto, obviously!
Me: Sorry sir, we have to ask
SC: Listen, I've been calling (Pizza provider) for thirty years, and I have NEVER had ANYONE ask me what city I'm calling from!!! (possible, but not plausible - I'm showing he's ordered with us precisely TWICE from this phone number, three years apart).
Me: I apologize, sir. May I confirm your address please?
SC: No, you know what? F(*$&# YOU!!!! *click*
*waits a beat*
Me: And would you like a complimentary side of Valium with your order this evening, sir?
Bargaining??
Our system is designed so that I can only enter items that we have available on our current menu, and I can't change any of the prices. EVER. It's physically not possible. I have had at least a dozen customers beg me to just throw in a couple of dipping sauces for free. People, it's 69ø. Really? One guy got really mad and canceled his entire order because I wouldn't toss in a free dipping sauce. I tried explaining the whole "can't" situation, but he totally flipped when I said I couldn't. Oh well, his loss. No pizza goodness for HIM tonight. I wonder how many times he phoned back to try to find a rep who would bend to his will LOL
Lonely.... I'm Mr. Lonely....
This guy... I swear, he was either a cuddly drunk or he was really stoned. SG = Stoner Guy, Me = well....
SG: I love calling (Pizza provider)! You guys are always so friendly and polite!
Me: Thank you sir, we do aim to please
Can I start with your phone number?SG: You want my number? Already? we hardly know each other! (oh boy... he's a comedian).
Me: ...
SG: I just love (Pizza provider). You guys are so awesome to talk to! I can call you any time and just chat with you!
Me: And what would you like to order this evening, sir? (you can see where this is going, can't you?)
SG: Well, I'd really just like to talk to you for a bit. Can we do that? Just talk?
Me: Actually sir, we're not allowed to do that. It ties up the phone lines.
SG: You mean we can't just sit here and chat for a little while? I really like talking to you.
Me: Unfortunately not, sir. (was tempted to suggest a telephone dating site at this point, but kept my mouth shut).
SG: Cause you know, I really just want someone to talk to right now, and you sound really nice.
Me: Sorry sir, can't do it. You'll either have to order something, or I'll have to hang up.
SG: And sexy...
Me: And that terminates our conversation for this evening. Have a good night! *click*
Honestly, I expected to hear some fapping in the background any second there...
He actually did the put-upon sigh when I asked for his phone number. Like dude, how am I supposed to even find your file if you won't give me any info LOL
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