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Its been a very, very busy past few months! Got slammed in work and real life crudtaky that happened, blah. But, I've got a few nice stories for ya. Well, I say nice. But SC's really aren't. You can laugh at my agony, though! 
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DO EET NAO! FOR FREE!
Client: "Heyas! So I totally got a cheap design made by you a couple of years ago. It was a 'super bargain' design, so it's missing a lot of extras and stuff. Well, I need you to make up these extra pages here, some custom graphics, and some nice buttons. I need this done asap. By tomorrow, maybe tomorrow evening."
Seraph: "Ok, let me get you a quote for that....hang on, let me look up your order"
Client: "Oh no, no. You forgot to put those things in, so you need to make up for that. It should be free. And like I said, I need it by tomorrow! Its very important!"
Seraph:
"Let me finish pulling up your order here....ahhh yes. I see that you *did* get a rather stripped down design. In your words 'leave out these extra pages, because I can't afford to pay for them.' I also have emails from you stating your approval, in triplicate. So, would you like that quote now?"
Client: ".....so you won't do it for free?"
Seraph: "No."
Client: "You're fairly heartless, you know?"
Seraph: "I can be
"
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You are STILL the weakest link! GOODBYE.
Dear Seraph,
I know last year that I harassed you, spammed your email, and then went and posted some really nasty lies about you on some forums. You banned me from your company after that, and said to not contact you again. But, you're the best designer around, and I'm wondering if you might be able to work with me and fix up my site?
Not happening, ever. Ever. EEEEEEEEVUH!
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Round One
Client: Hey, can I get you to discount that discounted template for me on your site? I know it says $115, but I'll give you $65 for it.
Seraph: No.
Client: Fine then! I can find cheaper designs elsewhere!!
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OH NOES
Client: So how much for an animated sidebar banner?
Seraph: $12.
Client: OH MY GOD YOU MUST BE *&*%ING KIDDING ME. WHAT A RACKET, YOU ARE A FUDGING SCAMMER!!! WHY DONT YOU TAKE THE OTHER ARM AND LEG, HUH?!?!
/blocks
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In What Universe Is This OKAY?!
Client: So I was wondering if you might be able to find me a coder to make me a nice, custom porn chat bot.
Seraph: D: no!
<days later...>
RandomIM: Hiyas!
Seraph: Hello
RandomIM: ohhh hey you sexy thing, wanna chat? I'm so lonely, and raring to play!
Seraph: ...the....fudge....
<opens other message window>
Seraph: Hey, Client? Did you get that chat bot made?
Client: Um......yeah?
Seraph: Did you freaking add ME to the list?
Client: ....uhhhh....yeah. What, don't you wanna see the cam too?
/blocks both of them. SERIOUSLY WTF!!
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Round Two
Client: Hey, so I emailed you last week about that discounted template for me on your site? How about I give you $75 for it?
Seraph: No.
Client: *****!!!!!
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Say Whaaaa
Client: Hi! I contacted you a few months ago about a site design, but you were too expensive. I went with your competitor, and frankly, this design sucks. The images are huge, and my bandwidth bills have just been too much! Plus my members say that they can't find anything at all.
Client: I know this is a probable copyright issue, but I was wondering if you might be able to copy his design almost exactly, just fix it up. I want it to be as sharp as your sites, but I need you to pretty much copy what he did.
Seraph: Sorry, no. I won't rip off another designer's work, let alone copy it near exactly for you. You would need to purchase a custom design. I assure you, it would be unique, bandwidth-friendly, and blow your site members away in its awesomeness.
Client: No, you are too expensive. If you can't copy it exactly, then I won't do this.
Seraph: Alrighties then, see you later!
Client: Wait! You're not going to do it? I thought that in this economy you wouldn't have any work so you'd just go with it! I'LL GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!
Seraph: You already did go with someone else, and I think you've already experienced what happens when you go cheap on the design. Now if you'll excuse me, I have about eight projects in the queue that need to be worked on....have a good day!
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Round Three!
Client: Hi again, its me about that discounted template. Ok, I will give you a final offer for it, otherwise I will go and hire someone else. I will give you $75 for the template. sending it now via PayPal.
Seraph: Sure, you can do that, but you won't get the template until the other $40 has been received.
Client: This is outrageous, in my culture we negotiate for everything, nothing is a fixed price!
Seraph: Maybe in your culture, yes. But here? On my turf? The prices listed are the final price, there are no negotiations. You want it? You have to pay the listed price. I am not going to cut my own throat for a sale, especially one for a *premade* template. Now THAT is final. The prices are NON NEGOTIABLE.
Client: ....
Client: $80.
/falconBLOCK!!
aaaaaaand rest.
------
DO EET NAO! FOR FREE!
Client: "Heyas! So I totally got a cheap design made by you a couple of years ago. It was a 'super bargain' design, so it's missing a lot of extras and stuff. Well, I need you to make up these extra pages here, some custom graphics, and some nice buttons. I need this done asap. By tomorrow, maybe tomorrow evening."
Seraph: "Ok, let me get you a quote for that....hang on, let me look up your order"
Client: "Oh no, no. You forgot to put those things in, so you need to make up for that. It should be free. And like I said, I need it by tomorrow! Its very important!"
Seraph:
"Let me finish pulling up your order here....ahhh yes. I see that you *did* get a rather stripped down design. In your words 'leave out these extra pages, because I can't afford to pay for them.' I also have emails from you stating your approval, in triplicate. So, would you like that quote now?"Client: ".....so you won't do it for free?"
Seraph: "No."
Client: "You're fairly heartless, you know?"
Seraph: "I can be
"------
You are STILL the weakest link! GOODBYE.
Dear Seraph,
I know last year that I harassed you, spammed your email, and then went and posted some really nasty lies about you on some forums. You banned me from your company after that, and said to not contact you again. But, you're the best designer around, and I'm wondering if you might be able to work with me and fix up my site?
Not happening, ever. Ever. EEEEEEEEVUH!
------
Round One
Client: Hey, can I get you to discount that discounted template for me on your site? I know it says $115, but I'll give you $65 for it.
Seraph: No.
Client: Fine then! I can find cheaper designs elsewhere!!
------
OH NOES
Client: So how much for an animated sidebar banner?
Seraph: $12.
Client: OH MY GOD YOU MUST BE *&*%ING KIDDING ME. WHAT A RACKET, YOU ARE A FUDGING SCAMMER!!! WHY DONT YOU TAKE THE OTHER ARM AND LEG, HUH?!?!
/blocks
-----
In What Universe Is This OKAY?!
Client: So I was wondering if you might be able to find me a coder to make me a nice, custom porn chat bot.
Seraph: D: no!
<days later...>
RandomIM: Hiyas!
Seraph: Hello
RandomIM: ohhh hey you sexy thing, wanna chat? I'm so lonely, and raring to play!
Seraph: ...the....fudge....
<opens other message window>
Seraph: Hey, Client? Did you get that chat bot made?
Client: Um......yeah?
Seraph: Did you freaking add ME to the list?
Client: ....uhhhh....yeah. What, don't you wanna see the cam too?
/blocks both of them. SERIOUSLY WTF!!
------
Round Two
Client: Hey, so I emailed you last week about that discounted template for me on your site? How about I give you $75 for it?
Seraph: No.
Client: *****!!!!!
------
Say Whaaaa
Client: Hi! I contacted you a few months ago about a site design, but you were too expensive. I went with your competitor, and frankly, this design sucks. The images are huge, and my bandwidth bills have just been too much! Plus my members say that they can't find anything at all.
Client: I know this is a probable copyright issue, but I was wondering if you might be able to copy his design almost exactly, just fix it up. I want it to be as sharp as your sites, but I need you to pretty much copy what he did.
Seraph: Sorry, no. I won't rip off another designer's work, let alone copy it near exactly for you. You would need to purchase a custom design. I assure you, it would be unique, bandwidth-friendly, and blow your site members away in its awesomeness.
Client: No, you are too expensive. If you can't copy it exactly, then I won't do this.
Seraph: Alrighties then, see you later!
Client: Wait! You're not going to do it? I thought that in this economy you wouldn't have any work so you'd just go with it! I'LL GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!
Seraph: You already did go with someone else, and I think you've already experienced what happens when you go cheap on the design. Now if you'll excuse me, I have about eight projects in the queue that need to be worked on....have a good day!
------
Round Three!
Client: Hi again, its me about that discounted template. Ok, I will give you a final offer for it, otherwise I will go and hire someone else. I will give you $75 for the template. sending it now via PayPal.
Seraph: Sure, you can do that, but you won't get the template until the other $40 has been received.
Client: This is outrageous, in my culture we negotiate for everything, nothing is a fixed price!
Seraph: Maybe in your culture, yes. But here? On my turf? The prices listed are the final price, there are no negotiations. You want it? You have to pay the listed price. I am not going to cut my own throat for a sale, especially one for a *premade* template. Now THAT is final. The prices are NON NEGOTIABLE.
Client: ....
Client: $80.
/falconBLOCK!!
aaaaaaand rest.
HAHAHAHAHA! Man, I hope cherry pepsi comes off my laptop easily....
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