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  • You look like I need a drink

    A measly five-hour shift shouldn't have to be like this. >.<

    Truth in Sweatshirts

    Guy drunk at 11 in the morning comes up to me as I'm bringing in carts, mumbles something semi-coherently.

    "Ummmggghhhh...bleggghhhhh, uh where's.....never mind, answered my own question."

    And then he staggered into the mens bathroom.

    He was wearing a sweatshirt with "You look like I need a drink" on it. How apropos. You do look like I need a drink. Also, you sound like it.

    You know the world has it in for you when...

    You're called to deliver a dining set to somebody....

    The dining sets are on a pallet that's blocked by a pallet of defectives, so you have to get a pallet jack to move the defectives before loading up the dining set...

    The people who bought the dining set have rolled up their Cadillac Not An Escalade, and want you do try to fit the box in the trunk....

    Which, not surprisingly, doesn't work, so they decide they should go home and get their truck ...

    So then they come back with their truck....

    And decide they don't want the dining set after all ....

    So you have to put it back....

    Which means moving the pallet of defectives again.

    Derp Rockets In Flight, Afternoon's A Fright

    (sorry if I stuck that song in your head now. Just one more service I offer. )

    Here's a fun game for you all to play! Count the derps in this phone call I took!

    It was a woman wanting instructions for a gazebo she bought "a couple" years ago, from some other store, because she wanted the manufacturer's toll-free number.

    When I told her I couldn't give her documentation for an item that A). was most likely discontinued, and B). we didn't carry anyway, she told me I wasn't being helpful and hung up angrily.

    Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them.

    You know the world's got it out for you when...

    Five minutes before your shift ends, you're called to deliver a recliner to a young couple...

    Who roll up in their teeny tiny Saturn ....

    The girl complains it isn't assembled and came in a box (because that's how all our furniture comes. Drown in your bleach bottle)....

    They make you take the pieces out of the box....

    The pieces fit in the car!...

    But it took fifteen minutes of shoving and rearranging crap, and thus you punch out five minutes late.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    Wow. You are just not doing great with the deliveries to day Irv.

    Though I gotta love the people with the Saturn. Mostly because she was so pissed it wasn't assembled, but the unboxed unassembled pieces were the only way the seat was going to fit.
    Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

    Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
    Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

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    • #3
      I love this thread title. I need a shirt like that!

      What a bunch of jerks. Hope your next day at work will be lots better!
      When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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      • #4
        Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them.
        quite sig worthy, imo. *steals*
        look! it's ghengis khan!
        Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

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        • #5
          Is your store on the moon, because today all the consumers you describe seem to be lunatics.
          Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

          Comment


          • #6
            What's it doing?

            Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post

            Derp Rockets In Flight, Afternoon's A Fright

            (sorry if I stuck that song in your head now. Just one more service I offer. )

            Here's a fun game for you all to play! Count the derps in this phone call I took!

            It was a woman wanting instructions for a gazebo she bought "a couple" years ago, from some other store, because she wanted the manufacturer's toll-free number.

            When I told her I couldn't give her documentation for an item that A). was most likely discontinued, and B). we didn't carry anyway, she told me I wasn't being helpful and hung up angrily.

            Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them.
            So, did she need to know how to defeat it or how to remove an arrow from it?

            Comment


            • #7
              None may help you. You must face the gazebo alone
              Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

              Comment


              • #8
                The worse case of this I ever had in my time at the Mart of Wall was the woman who bought our largest flat-pack entertainment center (easily over 150lbs and almost 6' long in the box) and pulled up to the front of the store in a Mazda Miata....

                Her plan to get it home was to drop the convertible top, strap it into the passenger seat vertically with the seatbelt and drive home REEEEEEEALLY slow....

                We did as we were told, but it sure did bottom out loudly as she left the lot :S

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                  He was wearing a sweatshirt with "You look like I need a drink" on it.
                  Seen that saying on a few t-shirts and signs in beer bars on my Beercation. Been thinking of getting that shirt, actually. It would be so appropriate for me and my lifestyle. Now I may just HAVE to get it.

                  Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                  Cadillac Not An Escalade
                  Hilarious way to put it!

                  Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                  Just one more service I offer.
                  Amusingly, that IS on a shirt I own. Wore it just yesterday, actually. With a picture of Brian from Family Guy, the shirt reads "Sarcasm. Just another free service I offer." Kind of fitting for me, wouldn't you say?

                  "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                  Still A Customer."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth CaptMalcolm View Post
                    (easily over 150lbs and almost 6' long in the box) and pulled up to the front of the store in a Mazda Miata....

                    Her plan to get it home was to drop the convertible top, strap it into the passenger seat vertically with the seatbelt and drive home REEEEEEEALLY slow....

                    We did as we were told, but it sure did bottom out loudly as she left the lot :S
                    Putting a 6' box in your passenger seat vertically and strapping it in with just the seatbelt IS pretty stupid but if her car bottomed out just because something that ways 150# is in her passenger seat then it sounds like she has some other issues with the car.
                    You'll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Yeah I was gonna say......6' and 150 is just a tall skinny guy, nothing that odd...
                      "English is the result of Norman men-at-arms attempting to pick up Saxon barmaids and is no more legitimate than any of the other results."
                      - H. Beam Piper

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                      • #12
                        You just know there's going to be a few parts missing under the seats or in the floorboards, yet it will somehow be Irv's fault.
                        A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

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