Guard Dooty

[Twinblade]

Just a couple quick ones from my new job.
I just started working with a security company as a commissioned(read armed)Security guard. I have of course had my share of douche waffles asking if they can handle my gun. (HELL TO THE NO!) and of course when i was guarding a bar, i had plenty of almost puke on shoes(thank god i am quick on my feet) but these i count as minor and just part of the job... but enough background.

Mother of the year:
The other day, i was guarding a game room(kinda like a cheap casino, just with only slot machines)
cast:
MOY: mom of the year
Me:
CGC: Cool Game Room Chick

MOY:~Frantically Waves beckoning me to her ~
Me:~runs like a fat kid to cake~
MOY: ~opens back door of her truck~ I am going into the game room for a couple Hours, and I need you to watch my kids while i am gone.
Me:...
MOY: Don't worry, they won't be any trouble at all they are my little angels, etc
Me: Oh i won't worry at all about them behaving, i have enough handcuffs and duck tape. They will be ok til Child Protection Services gets here.
MOY: But why would CPS be coming for them.
Me: you just informed me you planned on abandoning them... so.....
MOY: ~storms into the building for about 10 mins~
CGC: ~walks out laughing her head off with MOY in tow~ Hey Twinblade, did you really tell her you were calling cps after handcuffing her kids.
Me: Yup, CPS and the cops are on their way...
MOY:~cat butt face~ ~jumps into car and speeds away~
CGC: Thanks she is a douchewaffle, and always tries to pawn her kids off on other people while she comes in to gamble


Guard Dooty

This morning, I am guarding a game room, I get here at 6am wake the night guard and send him home. i notice as i am making my first rounds, there is a rather odd odor around the back of the building, i went to investigate, and found two old tires stacked up behind the building from which the odor was strongest, so i looked inside them, and found several large(still steaming) piles of crap and damned near a roll of used tp tossed over the fence into the adjacent lot. I know it wasn't the night guard, cuz he was snoozing away when i got there. So thank you annonymous donor of fecal matter, you really brightened my day!

[BowserKoopa1]

Grats for doing what you did. If she's too fucking lazy to watch her own dam kids or hire a babysitter, then she should be arrested and have her kids taken away from her.
You know, when you said she was trying to pawn her kids, I actually thought for a moment that she was using her kids as gambling chips or something! I woudn't be surprised if she did. I can just see it now, her playing poker with the other players.
SC: I'll call, and I'll raise you both of my kids.

[Twinblade]

I will see your two kids and raise you a useless mother in law.

[chainedbarista]

i'll see your two little 'angels,' useless mil and raise you a tantrum throwing ex.

[LillFilly]

Handle your gun ehe? When I was at a hotel, I had people asking if I could handcuff members of the bridal party for photo ops. Big no-no, pictures always come back to bite you!

Loved the calling CPS; if you have time to gamble, you have time to take care of your kids! You might like this; what if you saw kids tied to a pole like a dog outside a store?

http://www.hulu.com/watch/194709/wha...-kids-on-leash

[Twinblade]

oh yes wanting to play with the handcuffs too, can't forget those. one of our guards was using the boss's spare utility belt, gun, handcuffs, etc. Starts playing with the handcuffs... accidentally cuffed his own wrist. then he noticed there was no handcuff key on the belt... He had to wait for the boss to show up and un-cuff him. Boss didn't show up til the end of his shift to pick up the stuff and un-cuff. so he wandered around guarding this place with his left hand cuffed... for 9 hours. funny thing is, he didn't think to ask the guard at the place within walking distance, who ironically had two cuff keys.

[MoonCat]

I recall a story about a local casino a couple years ago. A family was staying at the hotel that's attached to the casino and they left their three kids alone in their room: a 6 yr old, a 4 yr old and I believe a 2 yr old. The 6 yr old left the room to get help with something and when the staff realized the kids were alone, the cops were called and the parents were found...of course, gambling in the casino. Mom's comment? "I know it seems strange to leave a six year old in charge of the other kids, but she's very mature for her age."

[Kristev]

I am utterly disgusted with the pathetic excuse for parenting the human race seems to be known for.

[XCashier]

MOY: ~opens back door of her truck~ I am going into the game room for a couple Hours, and I need you to watch my kids while i am gone.
Me:...
MOY: Don't worry, they won't be any trouble at all they are my little angels, etc
Me: Oh i won't worry at all about them behaving, i have enough handcuffs and duck tape. They will be ok til Child Protection Services gets here.
MOY: But why would CPS be coming for them.
Me: you just informed me you planned on abandoning them... so.....
MOY: ~storms into the building for about 10 mins~

Wait, what?! You told her you were going to call CPS and she went ahead and went inside anyway?!

CGC: ~walks out laughing her head off with MOY in tow~ Hey Twinblade, did you really tell her you were calling cps after handcuffing her kids.
Me: Yup, CPS and the cops are on their way...
MOY:~cat butt face~ ~jumps into car and speeds away~

Did you actually call CPS? I'm thinking you should give them that woman's license plate number and any video of your conversation. If she's too stupid to get a babysitter when she wants a night out, she's got no business raising kids.

[redleg]

Guard Dooty

This morning, I am guarding a game room, I get here at 6am wake the night guard and send him home. i notice as i am making my first rounds, there is a rather odd odor around the back of the building, i went to investigate, and found two old tires stacked up behind the building from which the odor was strongest, so i looked inside them, and found several large(still steaming) piles of crap and damned near a roll of used tp tossed over the fence into the adjacent lot. I know it wasn't the night guard, cuz he was snoozing away when i got there. So thank you annonymous donor of fecal matter, you really brightened my day!

why do people always wanna give the guards shit?

as for playing with handcuffs the last time i did that they weren't my handcuffs, they belonged to the nice SP at karaoke.

[Twinblade]

Wait, what?! You told her you were going to call CPS and she went ahead and went inside anyway?!

Yes she really did. I was totally

Did you actually call CPS? I'm thinking you should give them that woman's license plate number and any video of your conversation. If she's too stupid to get a babysitter when she wants a night out, she's got no business raising kids.

I wish I really had, but by the time they would have gotten there, MOY would have been gone anyway... But I do have a tendency to write the Plates down when shit happens like that.

[PepperElf]

Yeah I was thinking... call them anyway cos you can give the plates to the cops still.


The "handcuffs and duct tape" was especially funny... Especially since it probably never dawned on her that the kids could probably slide the cuffs right off their wrists anyway. Now if you had the plastic zip-tie style that'd be a different story.

[bustedff]

see, this is the kind of shit we guards have to put up with man. if were not assholes according to the sc then were dicks for not letting them do whatever the hell they want. Im new to the forum and im a security guard as well. you better believe Ive got some stories that will either make your blood boil, make you wet yourself laughing, or damage your forehead as you bang it against the table. Repeatedly... Hang in there bud, it gets easier after a while. you still have to put up with idiots, assholes, drama queens, and the such, but you learn to ignore em...

[HappyFun Ball]

This just goes to show you.. Just because people CAN have kids, doesn't necessarily mean they SHOULD.

[tropicsgoddess]

Wow, that's just epic parenting fail with Mother Of the Year.