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I cannot break the laws of physics captain!

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  • #1

    I cannot break the laws of physics captain!

    although she wanted me to...

    This one is back from my days working in sales/CSR for a major cruise line. This call was pretty much the moment I knew I had to quit, and that humanity was doomed to eat itself from stupidity..

    Me: Thank you for calling (mega-huge cruise line with red and blue fishtail smokestacks) how can I help you?

    SC: I want one of your Hawaiian cruises

    (This is usually strike one. Our cruises to Hawaii, at least back then, were one-way, meaning you'd have to spring for at least one-way airfare from Honolulu to whatever podunk town you were calling from. Not to mention, these cruises were often way longer than whatever window the SC was looking for (at least 12 days) and about 8 times as much as they were ready or willing to spend. This one took the cake though)

    Me: Ok, we have 3 Hawaiian cruises this year. All one way, they are 12 or 14 days, sailing either from Ensenada or Honolulu

    SC: No I want a 3 day cruise

    ME: Ma'am I'm sorry, you do realize that it takes about 5 days at sea just to get to Hawaii from our nearest port of origin

    SC: What? No, I want a 3 day cruise to Hawaii. Do you have one from New York

    ME......

    SC......

    ME......

    SC...... Hello?

    ME: Ma'am, let me understand this correctly. You want a 3 day cruise, to Hawaii, from our port in New York?

    SC: Yes and I want round-trip not one way.

    ME: Ok, just so I'm clear ma'am, you want a 3 day, round-trip cruise, from New York to Hawaii

    SC: Yes, how much?

    ME: *twitch* Ma'am....... have a good day *click*

    I had to take a breather, go outside, and contemplate the human race for a while. When I came back I ran the story by a few CWs and they thought I was joking or had been pranked. for sh*ts and giggles we worked out how such an itinerary might be possible, allowing for one full day in Hawaii. SC would have to find a ship that could have chugged along at a cool 780 MPH, or something like that.
    I will never go to school!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Perhaps she had Hawai'i confused with Bermuda... or the Bahamas...

    Who else has the theme song from "Gilligan's Island" stuck in their head now??
    Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
    TASTE THE LIME JELLO OF DEFEAT! -Gravekeeper

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    • #3
      ME: Ok, just so I'm clear ma'am, you want a 3 day, round-trip cruise, from New York to Hawaii

      SC: Yes, how much?
      Oh, hell. That made me want to quit MY job.
      "You are beginning to damage my calm."

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      • #4
        Eventually, that person would find someone to take their money. And sell them a bridge too.

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        • #5
          Quoth skeptic53 View Post
          Who else has the theme song from "Gilligan's Island" stuck in their head now??
          But that was a three HOUR cruise.
          "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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          • #6
            BaristaTrav, I feel your pain! I am all too familiar with that kind/level of stupidity. I used to work at a call center doing cruise sales (inbound only, thank God). I had a lady who wanted a seven night cruise round trip from New York to Alaska. I had countless conversations with people who had no idea what "round trip" meant. I was so excited when NCL started their 7 night cruises round trip from Honolulu, because I thought they'd be a lot easier to sell than other Hawaiian cruises (for the reasons you mentioned in your post). That is, I was excited until I had this conversation for the 17,963rd time:

            Me: Yes, we have a wonderful 7 night Hawaiian cruise with NCL that's round trip from Honolulu. On Day One, you'll sail from Honolulu...(rest of itinerary)... and on Day Eight you'll return to Honolulu. How does that sound?

            SC: You mean I have to fly to Hawaii?

            Me:

            I actually started to respond with "Yes, sir/ma'am, unless you'd care to swim."
            "Redheads have at least a 95% chance of being gorgeous. They're also concentrated evil." - Irv

            "This is all strange, uncharted territory and your hamster only has three legs." - Gravekeeper

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            • #7
              Quoth thatcrazyredhead View Post
              SC: You mean I have to fly to Hawaii?
              Normally, I would say yes...but in your case it's okay to drive.
              Last edited by Dave1982; 06-09-2011, 10:45 PM. Reason: Excessive quoting

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              • #8
                And lucky me!! I worked on those Hawaiin cruises for NCL, and the first thing out of everyones mouth "gee I didn't know I had to travel so far to get here" "I live in XXX city" Why couldn't we have sailed from there?" Um, sure like we are going to pick up 3,000 passengers and somehow get a 7-day trip out of Hawaii...
                Cruise Ship Brilliance: "Do the elevators go to the front of the ship?"

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                • #9
                  My brain blue screened after reading this...
                  My Fur Affinity Page:https://www.furaffinity.net/user/thetigress/
                  My Weasyl Page: https://www.weasyl.com/profile/thetigress

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                  • #10
                    Must have thought it was like flying on an airplane...lol.

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                    • #11
                      Maybe they think Hawaii is just over the horizon if you sail west from Los Angeles.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Cerys View Post
                        Maybe they think Hawaii is just over the horizon if you sail west from Los Angeles.
                        They do. They also think there is foreign currency and are so "suprised" at how "progressive" they are for having U.S. dollars so handy...
                        Cruise Ship Brilliance: "Do the elevators go to the front of the ship?"

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                        • #13
                          Quoth orcprincess View Post
                          They do. They also think there is foreign currency and are so "suprised" at how "progressive" they are for having U.S. dollars so handy...
                          Ok, I have to confess here. I don't have the currency issue (I'm not that clueless), yet somehow the presence of a US Post Office on Kaua'i Island surprised me. My bad.
                          "Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
                          - Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy V

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                          • #14
                            Truth be told, that's ok...But these people are given brochures in regards to the trip as a whole, and that's what my job was in reception on the ship, to help out these people, and when I told them there was a wal-mart(because thats what I go to hawaii for) it was amazing or something.
                            Cruise Ship Brilliance: "Do the elevators go to the front of the ship?"

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                            • #15
                              Oh, I know. Those people are very silly. I was merely confessing my own silliness in regards to Hawai'i.
                              "Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
                              - Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy V

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