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Perhaps the Suckiest Customers Ever!!!
First, the background. It's kinda long, so, my apologies.
I was working the night shift with:
-Kay: Manager who sucks sometimes and is awesome other times; kinda bipolar
-Megan: 19 year old who is 5 months preggers and has a 3 year old; sucks major ass and is perhaps the laziest, most dramatic human being in existance
-Sadie: Coworker with a broken ankle; very tough; not much can make her back down, not even SC's
-Kiki: Newbie on front cash; fairly quiet, but has recently begun to develop a bit of an attitude
-Claw: One handed fast food dude; recently married; somewhat lazy
For those who haven't read my previous posts, it's fishfly season over here, so harmless mayflies coat every inch of every road, building, sign and post. They have no mouth, no digestive system and aren't very bright. They exist to be eaten by fish and birds. They are attracted to light, so we shut off many lights at my work to keep them calm and prevent them from migrating any closer. When the lights are on, there are a few million of them flying in a frenzy anywhere the light touches. When the lights are off, there are a couple thousand, calm, landed, and far less irritating.
So, because of this, we keep the lights to a minimum. It allows the Drive Thru person to open the window without being mauled by millions of mindless insects. Kay had all the lights off except for the parking lot lights on the other side of the store, the Taco Bell sign, the menu boards and a row of lights in the kitchen. As a result, all the fishflies near the window were landed, just chillin' like they do. They aren't very smart, so they won't fly away if you get too close to them or if you brush against them. As long as the lights stay off, they are about as active as a heavily obese feline.
So, Kiki and Megan were flipping out about the bugs. Kay and Kiki are freaked out when the touch them, Me and Sadie don't mind them in the least, Megan gets hysterical when she looks at them.
Kiki was asked by Kay to drop 2 bags of beef, 4 chicken and 2 steak. "Drop" is a Taco bell term meaning, "put the bag of whatever into the hot water so it can heat up". Kiki said she didn't know where any of that was, so Kay told her to get Claw to show her. Claw showed her where everything is kept and showed her how to put the bags on the racks and how to time them. Kiki finished her duties and was about to punch out.
Kay: Did you drop 2 beef, 4 chicken, 2 steak like I asked?
Kiki: Oh yeah! Of course I did! (remember this; it will be important later)
Megan was grating on our nerves. First, she kept walking away from her station to do random shit that didn't need to be done. Basically, goofing off. We would scream for her to get her butt back here and she would get all huffy saying she was "just doing blank!" to which Kay would snap, "well we need you to do your job"!
Then, she was throwing a hissy fit about the bugs.
"EEEWWW!!! They are so gross!"
"Ohmygod...this is so disgusting!"
"Ohmygod...they. Are. Everywhere!"
"EW EW EW EW EW EW!! One just touched my pantleg!!!"
Sadie was so close to snapping and choaking the life out of her, you could feel the tension in the air, as well as see it on her face. However, no one gave Megan any sympathy. Sadie actually agitated them so they would land on her, just so she could turn to Megan and say, "Look! I have 20 or more on my and I'm still alive! It's a friggen miracle!!!". Megan, staying true to her nature, sulked like a 2 year old child. At this point, she decided to take it up a notch. "Maybe then I will get pitied," she thought. Now, she refused to open the window all together. She would creep close to the window, dramatically sidestepping her way over, then would scream and run away, forcing Sadie to limp over and hand out the orders herself.
Megan: Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!!! I can't do this! I can't do this!! I CAN'T DO THIS!!! Kay!! SEND ME HOOOOMMMEEE!!! It's too scary! I'm so Scared!!! AWAHHHH!!!
After an hour and a half of this, Kay snapped.
Kay: FINE!!! Leave! Go home!
Megan: Oh thank you Kay!
Kay: Let Sadie get a drawer to replace you.
Megan: So, I can leave now?
Kay: YES!!
Megan: But, who will be at the window?
Kay: Sadie!
Megan: So, I have to wait for her?
Kay: .....Well no shit! Seriously!
Megan: *snotty* That's what I was asking you!
Megan leaves. Funny thing is, she was making a huge deal of the ones on the window, but she calmly pranced to her car which was in the parking lot surrounded by a frenzied swarm of fishflies. She was just making a scene to get attention
Now, we are short handed and get a huge rush of people. Claw comes up to help Sadie take orders, but we are still struggling. Kay runs over to grab beef because, well, because we are really low. Guess what? Kiki lied. She never dropped any beef. AT ALL. So, we ran out. All meats take 30 minutes to cook, so we had no beef for 30 whole minutes....
*End B/G*
We had enough for most of the orders we had already taken. The last guy was very understanding and graciously accepted a free substitution of chicken. It was the orders we DIDN'T take that were sucky.
Suck
We had a few are-you-effing-kidding-me's and eff-you-I'm-going-to-other-place's, but most people stayed.
Claw: Hi, welcome to Taco Bell. Just to let you know, we are out of beef for the next 28 minutes, but we do have chicken, steak, beans or rice.
SC: Ok. I want a 5 layer burrito with steak.
Claw: Ok *rings up a 5 layer, sub steak for beef*
SC: Wait...I have to pay for it?!!
Claw: Well, yes.
SC: I'm being inconvenianced, and I get no compensation for it?!!
Claw: It's only inconvenient if you order, then I tell you. We can't give eveyone who comes in for the 30 minutes free food or else we will lose money and run out of chicken and steak too. If you don't want to pay for the steak, feel free to go to the other Taco Bell on Blank street (literally less than a mile from our store)
SC: Fine! I'll pay for the effing steak!!
We must have had at least 20 others similar to this. Then we had this guy...
Claw: *same as above*
SC: BUMMERRRRR!!! Can I get a nacho bellgrande?
Claw: Sure...
SC: And there better not be any beef on there! Hurrhurrhurrr!!!
Me: Hahaha...your a comic genius....
SC: And I want a combo burrito MINUS the beef! Hurrhurhurrrr!!!
Me: Oh please, stop it. You're making my sides hurt.
SC: And a chicken soft taco with extra FISHFLIES!!! HURHURHURRR!!
By Jove, I think we found ourselves a creative one! I've never heard THAT one before! (Note: I've heard this joke and similar ones about 100 times a day. Each customer thinks they are America's next best comedian or something because they came up with this joke)
And this lady....
Claw: *same as before, but now it's 10 minutes*
SC: WHAT?!! Bladity blah blah rant rant raggle fraggle bloggle froggle ding dong dangit!
Claw: ....
SC: I'll wait for it then! I want 2 nacho bellgrande's with EXTRA beef! And don't you DARE charge me for the extra beef! I've earned it!
Me: Earned it how exactly??
Kay: Tell her to wait and order it in 10 minutes.
Claw: Can you order it in 10 minutes?
SC: No! I will order now, then YOU will BRING it to me when it's done!!
Me: Quite demanding isn't she...
Kay: Let me talk to her..... Mam, we aren't allowed to leave the building after close. It's a safety hazard. You can either order now and get back in line in 10 minutes to get your food, or you can wait 10 minutes and order then.
SC: I'M going somewhere ELSE!!!
Fishfly Jokes
All jokes are followed by idiotic laughter.
How much for a fishfly?
Can I get extra fishflies on that?
No fishflies please!
...minus the fishflies!
...with 2 fishflies!
I want a fishfly taco!
...a fishflychillada!
...a fishfly burrito!
...a fishfly salad!
How many fishflies can I get with a dollar?
More Suck...
Sadie, because of her broken ankle, has to sit down every once in a while to rest. After that huge rush, she left to take her break. Unfortunatly, she took her break and the exact time Claw left. Now, It was only me and Kay on duty. I ran Drive Thru and Kay made food. Even more unfortunate, we had a mini rush that lasted the duration of Sadie's break. The most unfortunate of all is, because of the rush, we sold a ton of meat and were too busy to drop anything. As a result, we ran out of beef, chicken, had 2 portions of steak, 6 portions of beans and 5 portions of rice left. All the items mentioned take a half hour to prepare. We would only be open for 34 more minutes, so we didn't make anything else because it would automatically be wasted. I doubtwe anyone could sell all that food in 4 minutes.
Sadie: Hi, welcome to Taco Bell. Just so you know, we are out of beef and chicken for the night. We do have steak, beans or rice.
SC: So...what does that leave me with?
Sadie: Like I said, steak, beans or rice.
SC: Well nevermind then!
Sadie: *same as above*
SC: Well that's effing stupid!
We eventually sold the last of our steak and only had a teeny bit of rice and beans left.
Perhaps the Suckiest Customers in History
It was about 8 minutes to close, we didnt have enough for any orders, so we closed early. I locked the window and shut off the menu board, Kay shut off and cleaned the grills, Sadie started putting things away when....
Our cast:
DD: Drunk Driver
SG: Stupid Girl
RG: Reasonable Girl
AW: Ass Wipe
DD: Hellooooo! HE-LLOOOO???!! My friends are drunk and want tacos and water! Well, I'm drunk too! HUHHUHHUH!
Sadie: Someone's at the speaker.
Kay: DON'T answer them.(note: they can't hear us but we can hear them
)
Me: Oh, I won't...
DD: Hey...hey....hey lady! Take my order! I know you waannntt toooooo!!!
Me: Not really...
Sadie:
DD: My dog died! He's really sick! I'm sad and I want tacos!
Me:
DD: Ok, I lied! My dog is perfectly healthy!! F@CK YOU THEN! *squeals tires and drives off*
We laugh it off and keep cleaning. It turns out, they didn't leave. They drove back around. It was now 2 minutes to close.
DD: Heeeyyyy! We're back! Wanna take my order now???!!
Me: Omg they're back!
DD: Hey! I know you're in there!
RG: Maybe they are closed?
Me: Finally! Someone with some brains!
DD: No! I KNOW they are open! I know for a fact! Look! The screen is on!
So, the menu board is off, the doors and windows are locked, the parking lot is dark, no one is answering you, but we MUST be open because the order screen is on? In what world does that make any sense?
AW: *I hear the distinct sound of shattering glass* Clean up on isle Drive Thru! HUHHUHHUHHUH!!! *sound again* I'm not picking that up!
You're trying to bait me now? Really? Like I will cave and take your order because you are dropping beer bottles out the window? Ok. Order anything you want that doesn't have beef, chicken, steak, beans, rice, a flour tortilla, or have to be grilled or steamed. Good luck thinking of something!
DD: Let's go! *speeds off*
30 seconds later, he's back..
DD: You have to take my order! It's the LAW!!
Really? It is? Show me that law and I will gladly take your order. By the time you make a convincing fake, we will be closed.
SG: We're like gonna report you guys!
Me: PFFT!!!
SG: I'm calling corporate! I'm calling corporate!! I'm calling corporate!! (she probably said this like 40 times in a row...no joke)
Ok, well you go ahead and call them. Tell them how we didn't take your order. They will call us. Then we will tell them how a group of drunks came thru 5 minutes to close when we had no food left, harassed us, threatened us, used foul language, broke beer bottles in the parking lot and refused to leave. I don't think they will side with you sweetie.
After they left and I got off work, I went over to check out the damage. It turns out, they smashed a couple of beer glasses and not bottles. There were shards of glass all over that area..... I really HOPE they call corporate
I was working the night shift with:
-Kay: Manager who sucks sometimes and is awesome other times; kinda bipolar
-Megan: 19 year old who is 5 months preggers and has a 3 year old; sucks major ass and is perhaps the laziest, most dramatic human being in existance
-Sadie: Coworker with a broken ankle; very tough; not much can make her back down, not even SC's
-Kiki: Newbie on front cash; fairly quiet, but has recently begun to develop a bit of an attitude
-Claw: One handed fast food dude; recently married; somewhat lazy
For those who haven't read my previous posts, it's fishfly season over here, so harmless mayflies coat every inch of every road, building, sign and post. They have no mouth, no digestive system and aren't very bright. They exist to be eaten by fish and birds. They are attracted to light, so we shut off many lights at my work to keep them calm and prevent them from migrating any closer. When the lights are on, there are a few million of them flying in a frenzy anywhere the light touches. When the lights are off, there are a couple thousand, calm, landed, and far less irritating.
So, because of this, we keep the lights to a minimum. It allows the Drive Thru person to open the window without being mauled by millions of mindless insects. Kay had all the lights off except for the parking lot lights on the other side of the store, the Taco Bell sign, the menu boards and a row of lights in the kitchen. As a result, all the fishflies near the window were landed, just chillin' like they do. They aren't very smart, so they won't fly away if you get too close to them or if you brush against them. As long as the lights stay off, they are about as active as a heavily obese feline.
So, Kiki and Megan were flipping out about the bugs. Kay and Kiki are freaked out when the touch them, Me and Sadie don't mind them in the least, Megan gets hysterical when she looks at them.
Kiki was asked by Kay to drop 2 bags of beef, 4 chicken and 2 steak. "Drop" is a Taco bell term meaning, "put the bag of whatever into the hot water so it can heat up". Kiki said she didn't know where any of that was, so Kay told her to get Claw to show her. Claw showed her where everything is kept and showed her how to put the bags on the racks and how to time them. Kiki finished her duties and was about to punch out.
Kay: Did you drop 2 beef, 4 chicken, 2 steak like I asked?
Kiki: Oh yeah! Of course I did! (remember this; it will be important later)
Megan was grating on our nerves. First, she kept walking away from her station to do random shit that didn't need to be done. Basically, goofing off. We would scream for her to get her butt back here and she would get all huffy saying she was "just doing blank!" to which Kay would snap, "well we need you to do your job"!
Then, she was throwing a hissy fit about the bugs.
"EEEWWW!!! They are so gross!"
"Ohmygod...this is so disgusting!"
"Ohmygod...they. Are. Everywhere!"
"EW EW EW EW EW EW!! One just touched my pantleg!!!"
Sadie was so close to snapping and choaking the life out of her, you could feel the tension in the air, as well as see it on her face. However, no one gave Megan any sympathy. Sadie actually agitated them so they would land on her, just so she could turn to Megan and say, "Look! I have 20 or more on my and I'm still alive! It's a friggen miracle!!!". Megan, staying true to her nature, sulked like a 2 year old child. At this point, she decided to take it up a notch. "Maybe then I will get pitied," she thought. Now, she refused to open the window all together. She would creep close to the window, dramatically sidestepping her way over, then would scream and run away, forcing Sadie to limp over and hand out the orders herself.
Megan: Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!!! I can't do this! I can't do this!! I CAN'T DO THIS!!! Kay!! SEND ME HOOOOMMMEEE!!! It's too scary! I'm so Scared!!! AWAHHHH!!!
After an hour and a half of this, Kay snapped.
Kay: FINE!!! Leave! Go home!
Megan: Oh thank you Kay!
Kay: Let Sadie get a drawer to replace you.
Megan: So, I can leave now?
Kay: YES!!
Megan: But, who will be at the window?
Kay: Sadie!
Megan: So, I have to wait for her?
Kay: .....Well no shit! Seriously!
Megan: *snotty* That's what I was asking you!
Megan leaves. Funny thing is, she was making a huge deal of the ones on the window, but she calmly pranced to her car which was in the parking lot surrounded by a frenzied swarm of fishflies. She was just making a scene to get attention
Now, we are short handed and get a huge rush of people. Claw comes up to help Sadie take orders, but we are still struggling. Kay runs over to grab beef because, well, because we are really low. Guess what? Kiki lied. She never dropped any beef. AT ALL. So, we ran out. All meats take 30 minutes to cook, so we had no beef for 30 whole minutes....*End B/G*
We had enough for most of the orders we had already taken. The last guy was very understanding and graciously accepted a free substitution of chicken. It was the orders we DIDN'T take that were sucky.
Suck
We had a few are-you-effing-kidding-me's and eff-you-I'm-going-to-other-place's, but most people stayed.
Claw: Hi, welcome to Taco Bell. Just to let you know, we are out of beef for the next 28 minutes, but we do have chicken, steak, beans or rice.
SC: Ok. I want a 5 layer burrito with steak.
Claw: Ok *rings up a 5 layer, sub steak for beef*
SC: Wait...I have to pay for it?!!
Claw: Well, yes.
SC: I'm being inconvenianced, and I get no compensation for it?!!
Claw: It's only inconvenient if you order, then I tell you. We can't give eveyone who comes in for the 30 minutes free food or else we will lose money and run out of chicken and steak too. If you don't want to pay for the steak, feel free to go to the other Taco Bell on Blank street (literally less than a mile from our store)
SC: Fine! I'll pay for the effing steak!!
We must have had at least 20 others similar to this. Then we had this guy...
Claw: *same as above*
SC: BUMMERRRRR!!! Can I get a nacho bellgrande?
Claw: Sure...
SC: And there better not be any beef on there! Hurrhurrhurrr!!!
Me: Hahaha...your a comic genius....
SC: And I want a combo burrito MINUS the beef! Hurrhurhurrrr!!!
Me: Oh please, stop it. You're making my sides hurt.
SC: And a chicken soft taco with extra FISHFLIES!!! HURHURHURRR!!
By Jove, I think we found ourselves a creative one! I've never heard THAT one before! (Note: I've heard this joke and similar ones about 100 times a day. Each customer thinks they are America's next best comedian or something because they came up with this joke)
And this lady....
Claw: *same as before, but now it's 10 minutes*
SC: WHAT?!! Bladity blah blah rant rant raggle fraggle bloggle froggle ding dong dangit!
Claw: ....
SC: I'll wait for it then! I want 2 nacho bellgrande's with EXTRA beef! And don't you DARE charge me for the extra beef! I've earned it!
Me: Earned it how exactly??
Kay: Tell her to wait and order it in 10 minutes.
Claw: Can you order it in 10 minutes?
SC: No! I will order now, then YOU will BRING it to me when it's done!!
Me: Quite demanding isn't she...
Kay: Let me talk to her..... Mam, we aren't allowed to leave the building after close. It's a safety hazard. You can either order now and get back in line in 10 minutes to get your food, or you can wait 10 minutes and order then.
SC: I'M going somewhere ELSE!!!
Fishfly Jokes
All jokes are followed by idiotic laughter.
How much for a fishfly?
Can I get extra fishflies on that?
No fishflies please!
...minus the fishflies!
...with 2 fishflies!
I want a fishfly taco!
...a fishflychillada!
...a fishfly burrito!
...a fishfly salad!
How many fishflies can I get with a dollar?
More Suck...
Sadie, because of her broken ankle, has to sit down every once in a while to rest. After that huge rush, she left to take her break. Unfortunatly, she took her break and the exact time Claw left. Now, It was only me and Kay on duty. I ran Drive Thru and Kay made food. Even more unfortunate, we had a mini rush that lasted the duration of Sadie's break. The most unfortunate of all is, because of the rush, we sold a ton of meat and were too busy to drop anything. As a result, we ran out of beef, chicken, had 2 portions of steak, 6 portions of beans and 5 portions of rice left. All the items mentioned take a half hour to prepare. We would only be open for 34 more minutes, so we didn't make anything else because it would automatically be wasted. I doubt
Sadie: Hi, welcome to Taco Bell. Just so you know, we are out of beef and chicken for the night. We do have steak, beans or rice.
SC: So...what does that leave me with?
Sadie: Like I said, steak, beans or rice.
SC: Well nevermind then!
Sadie: *same as above*
SC: Well that's effing stupid!
We eventually sold the last of our steak and only had a teeny bit of rice and beans left.
Perhaps the Suckiest Customers in History
It was about 8 minutes to close, we didnt have enough for any orders, so we closed early. I locked the window and shut off the menu board, Kay shut off and cleaned the grills, Sadie started putting things away when....
Our cast:
DD: Drunk Driver
SG: Stupid Girl
RG: Reasonable Girl
AW: Ass Wipe
DD: Hellooooo! HE-LLOOOO???!! My friends are drunk and want tacos and water! Well, I'm drunk too! HUHHUHHUH!
Sadie: Someone's at the speaker.
Kay: DON'T answer them.(note: they can't hear us but we can hear them
)Me: Oh, I won't...
DD: Hey...hey....hey lady! Take my order! I know you waannntt toooooo!!!
Me: Not really...
Sadie:
DD: My dog died! He's really sick! I'm sad and I want tacos!
Me:
DD: Ok, I lied! My dog is perfectly healthy!! F@CK YOU THEN! *squeals tires and drives off*
We laugh it off and keep cleaning. It turns out, they didn't leave. They drove back around. It was now 2 minutes to close.
DD: Heeeyyyy! We're back! Wanna take my order now???!!
Me: Omg they're back!
DD: Hey! I know you're in there!
RG: Maybe they are closed?
Me: Finally! Someone with some brains!
DD: No! I KNOW they are open! I know for a fact! Look! The screen is on!
So, the menu board is off, the doors and windows are locked, the parking lot is dark, no one is answering you, but we MUST be open because the order screen is on? In what world does that make any sense?
AW: *I hear the distinct sound of shattering glass* Clean up on isle Drive Thru! HUHHUHHUHHUH!!! *sound again* I'm not picking that up!
You're trying to bait me now? Really? Like I will cave and take your order because you are dropping beer bottles out the window? Ok. Order anything you want that doesn't have beef, chicken, steak, beans, rice, a flour tortilla, or have to be grilled or steamed. Good luck thinking of something!
DD: Let's go! *speeds off*
30 seconds later, he's back..
DD: You have to take my order! It's the LAW!!
Really? It is? Show me that law and I will gladly take your order. By the time you make a convincing fake, we will be closed.
SG: We're like gonna report you guys!
Me: PFFT!!!
SG: I'm calling corporate! I'm calling corporate!! I'm calling corporate!! (she probably said this like 40 times in a row...no joke)
Ok, well you go ahead and call them. Tell them how we didn't take your order. They will call us. Then we will tell them how a group of drunks came thru 5 minutes to close when we had no food left, harassed us, threatened us, used foul language, broke beer bottles in the parking lot and refused to leave. I don't think they will side with you sweetie.
After they left and I got off work, I went over to check out the damage. It turns out, they smashed a couple of beer glasses and not bottles. There were shards of glass all over that area..... I really HOPE they call corporate
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