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  • Derpin' Donuts

    Hey everybody, long time no see. I have since switched jobs back from being a call center rep back to my wonderful job selling donuts and coffee. The switch was extremely refreshing, and I'm really happy to be back at a job that isn't so stressful. The pay cut was so worth it.

    That said, that doesn't mean I don't still get sucky customers.

    I get this too often

    Me: Hi, what can I get for you today?
    SC: A medium iced latte with cream and sugar!
    Me: Lattes aren't actually made with cream. They're an espresso shot made with mostly milk.
    SC: ... Wat?
    Me: When lattes are made, they're made using a shot of espresso and then adding milk to it. There's no cream involved. I can still add sugar though if you'd like.
    SC: Wat?
    Me: Would you like that made with whole milk or skim milk?
    SC: .. Whole milk?

    I don't think I'll ever understand people who order food at a restaurant without knowing what it even is.

    HOLD STILL!

    Since our store remodeled in January, we've had the addition of a big round pink sign to hang over our pickup window that says "Pick up food here". At first, I thought the sign was a clever idea and would help us organize our customers better. But the sign is just used when they've ordered food that needs to be cooked down at the deli, and when it's made, deli walks it over to the pick up sign and calls out what it is. So when I'm making something simple like a single cup of coffee, or turning around and taking two steps to get a donut from the case, I'll usually say something like "I'll be right back with that donut". But no matter what I say or how clear I try to make it, I still get dozens upon dozens of customers who will walk across the entire store to that pick up sign, causing me to turn around and not see where they went and have to chase them down. Is it really that hard to hold still when I say I'll be right back?

    Coffee details

    SC: Can I have a medium coffee?
    Me: Would you like cream or sugar?
    SC: Skim and three splenda.

    ^See, this alone isn't bad. But when I go through this up to fifty times during a day, it makes me wonder why you think I'll psychically know your coffee without you telling me. I'd love to go one day without having to ask about cream or sugar.

    SC: Can I have an iced coffee? Extra cream, six splenda, extra caramel swirl and a turbo shot.
    Me: (waiting patiently for them to finish) ... What size?

    Not knowing the size first puts me at a disadvantage when taking an order for more than one reason - our registers actually ring in the size first for a coffee, so if I don't know the size beforehand, I can't ring any of those details about the coffee in until the SC finishes and I finally have a moment to ask what size they want their complicated coffee. Once again, this is something that's annoying because it happens fifty times a day.

    STOP. GUESSING!

    I can't express this enough. It's really hard for me to figure out what you want when you're saying things like "That iced drink thing", "That chocolate frosted... thing", "That new sandwich thing you have"... Thing doesn't tell me what it is! Thing confuses me just as much as it confuses you! There is a menu. I'm more than happy to explain any of the items to you (I really am, explaining the menu is actually fun for me). I'd much rather you ask instead of guessing what it is first. Because then what I'll get you will be accurate.

    What's funny though is that small children ten and under will look at our donuts, read the labels and tell us what kind of donuts they want, but adults will always, always just point at the donut and say "I want that one!".

    You Know That Will Kill You, Right?

    Me: Hi, what can I get for you today?
    Customer: A medium coffee with cream and 14 splenda.
    Me: Please pull up to the window.

    He gets this every day. Recently he dropped down to 12 splenda. From what I understand, the body can't even digest splenda. Horrifying. But I'm not about to tell him what he can or can't drink... unfortunately.

    She didn't give me my Croissant!

    I got my very first customer complaint against me a couple weeks ago.

    Me: Hi, what can I get for you today?
    SC: Do you have something called... a chocolate chip muffin...?
    Me: Yeah, we have chocolate chip muffins! (That's what we call them anyway. )
    SC: One of those please, and a medium coffee... and a toasted croissant with strawberry cream cheese.

    I take her money, give her her coffee and the muffin, and say "I'll be right back with that croissant." While I was making the croissant, the lady left with her muffin and coffee. Brain burps happen though, I figure she'll notice she's only got her muffin and will be back for her croissant shortly. Instead, we get a call twenty minutes later for my manager. I guess the lady screamed at my boss saying "SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME MY CROISSANT!" my manager asked me about it, and I explained what happened. My manager explained that it takes a minute to toast the croissant and put the cream cheese on it. The lady wouldn't have it though. She demanded a refund over the phone. But really though...? You had a bag with your muffin in it. Is it really that hard to just look in the bag to make sure you have everything you ordered before you leave the store? At first I thought this lady was just scamming for a refund, but then she never showed up at the store. Huh. At least she had what we "call a chocolate chip muffin."

    Pet Peeves

    The more I work in customer service, the more the little things bother me.

    Me: Hi, how are you today?
    SC: Medium coffee cream and sugar.

    Me: Hi, ho-
    SC: Can I get a classic egg and cheese with bacon on a bagel?

    Is it really that hard to answer a simple question? It's just good manners.

    SC: How are ya?
    Me: I'm good, ho-
    SC: I want an iced latte.

    STOP INTERRUPTING ME!


    Meh, I think that's all I can think of for now. I love my job, but the little things really build up after a while.

  • #2
    Quoth Chazzie View Post
    You Know That Will Kill You, Right?

    Me: Hi, what can I get for you today?
    Customer: A medium coffee with cream and 14 splenda.
    Me: Please pull up to the window.

    He gets this every day. Recently he dropped down to 12 splenda. From what I understand, the body can't even digest splenda. Horrifying. But I'm not about to tell him what he can or can't drink... unfortunately.
    We have a lady that gets a large iced coffee made with 15 splenda and heavy whipping cream.

    Only she really wants so much heavy whipping cream that it's really only about three ounces of coffee in a 24 oz cup.

    And she says it's healthy because the heavy whipping cream has no carbs.
    Flood

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    • #3
      Quoth Flood View Post
      And she says it's healthy because the heavy whipping cream has no carbs.
      There is no WTF icon big enough for this statement......
      "If your day is filled with firefighting, you need to start taking the matches away from the toddlers…” - HM

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      • #4
        Quoth Chazzie View Post
        From what I understand, the body can't even digest splenda..
        That's kinda the whole point. If you can't digest it, it can't add calories. I started using splenda in my coffee because of how ridiculously sweet I like it (1/4 cup splenda in a regular mug of coffee I make at home.)
        The High Priest is an Illusion!

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        • #5
          Quoth Flood View Post
          And she says it's healthy because the heavy whipping cream has no carbs.
          No carbs, maybe, but doesn't heavy whipping cream have a pretty high fat content?
          "Things that fail to kill me make me level up." ~ NateWantsToBattle, Training Hard (Counting Stars parody)

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          • #6
            Quoth firecat88 View Post
            No carbs, maybe, but doesn't heavy whipping cream have a pretty high fat content?
            Yeah, hence the WTF. Just 'cause it's low in carbs doesn't mean it's healthy. Lard is carb-free too....
            "If your day is filled with firefighting, you need to start taking the matches away from the toddlers…” - HM

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            • #7
              Yeah, it's funny that the heavy cream has fewer carbs; I was using it in coffee on the Atkins diet.

              Now that I've gotten used to splenda, it takes way too much sugar for me to make my coffee sweet!
              "If anyone wants this old box containing the broken bits of my former faith in humanity, I'll take your best offer now. You may be able to salvage a few of em' for parts..... " - Quote by Argabarga

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              • #8
                Quoth Chazzie View Post
                Coffee details

                SC: Can I have a medium coffee?
                Me: Would you like cream or sugar?
                SC: Skim and three splenda.

                ^See, this alone isn't bad. But when I go through this up to fifty times during a day, it makes me wonder why you think I'll psychically know your coffee without you telling me. I'd love to go one day without having to ask about cream or sugar.
                I don't drink coffee, but this is how I order. Since each store is slightly different, I order the very basic item, and then wait for the prompts. Some employees I learned I can give my entire order, while some I need to wait for their questions and go at their own pace.
                To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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                • #9
                  I thought Derpy was a fan of muffins, mostly. But I bet she likes donuts just as much.
                  By popular request....I am now officially the Enemy of Normalcy.

                  "What is unobtainium? To Seraph, it's a normal client. :P" -- Observant Friend

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Flood View Post
                    We have a lady that gets a large iced coffee made with 15 splenda and heavy whipping cream.

                    Only she really wants so much heavy whipping cream that it's really only about three ounces of coffee in a 24 oz cup.

                    And she says it's healthy because the heavy whipping cream has no carbs.

                    That's like eating a big ass slice of cake and downing a diet coke...still unhealthy as hell no matter what.


                    Quoth Crossbow View Post
                    There is no WTF icon big enough for this statement......
                    I agree completely.
                    I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
                    Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
                    Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Chazzie View Post
                      HOLD STILL!
                      I find this surprising... It's been my personal experience that 'the bigger the sign, the more SC will ignore it'.

                      What's funny though is that small children ten and under will look at our donuts, read the labels and tell us what kind of donuts they want, but adults will always, always just point at the donut and say "I want that one!".
                      What's worse, the SC will (probably) pitch a fit if you give them one that isn't the EXACT one they pointed at... I've seen it happen where an SC has to 'direct' the clerk "No, not that one, down two... now to the left one... No, the next one over... THAT one!"
                      "Kamala the Ugandan Giant" 1950-2020 • "Bullet" Bob Armstrong 1939-2020 • "Road Warrior Animal" 1960-2020 • "Zeus" Tiny Lister Jr. 1958-2020 • "Hacksaw" Butch Reed 1954-2021 • "New Jack" Jerome Young 1963-2021 • "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff 1949-2021 • "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton 1958-2021 • Daffney 1975-2021

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Mr Hero View Post
                        I don't drink coffee, but this is how I order. Since each store is slightly different, I order the very basic item, and then wait for the prompts. Some employees I learned I can give my entire order, while some I need to wait for their questions and go at their own pace.
                        Yeah, it's fine when the customer is waiting for me to ask those questions - It's just after a while you can tell who's waiting for the question and who honestly thinks I actually know what goes in the coffee ahead of time.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth LillFilly View Post
                          Yeah, it's funny that the heavy cream has fewer carbs; I was using it in coffee on the Atkins diet.

                          Now that I've gotten used to splenda, it takes way too much sugar for me to make my coffee sweet!
                          I started using liquid reagent grade splenda back when I worked for US Foodservice, and I got it directly from the manufacturers rep back in 2000. I was pumped about 5 years ago when the *quart* I had been given was running out and found it online under the brand name sweetzfree. There are actually carbs in the powdered version [just under 1 gram per packet, if you want to know] Being diabetic I actually do count carbs, I just consider what my nutritionist assigned me as a fat modified atkins. Fat by the way does not digest into glucose so it is actually better to do protein and fat than some snack that is heavy in carbs if actual calorie count is not an issue. I could actually do a slug of heavy cream as my bedtime snack, if it wouldn't make me really want to yack. A hardboiled egg is just about right many evenings. [and I am not about to hork down a pound of bacon as a snack, 3 strips is about my limit.]
                          EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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                          • #14
                            As far as the whippng cream goes, some people equate healthy with "doesn't cause weight gain". There's also a view in our society that thin=healthy. That's not necessarily true.
                            "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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                            • #15
                              Bah. I've started using agave nectar in my coffee. Very tasty.
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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