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Today was a pretty good shift at The Bar, much better than the Slow Death that was Tuesday (my slowest, least-lucrative shift in literally months, perhaps even a year). But there was this one incident.....
A trio sits at my bar, two guys and a girl. For whatever reason, I was being a bit of a smartass to them (imagine that!), and they seemed to be eating it up, as many people do. One of the guys even commented that I reminded him of himself! So, at one point, for whatever reason, I told the woman to "shut up," clearly in a joking manner. I say a lot of obnoxious shit, but I get away with it because it is so blatantly obvious that I am joking. She starts talking about how funny it would be if her "really large husband" came in and kicked my ass. I go along with this joke, saying he'd stay thirsty, as I wouldn't be serving him. Etc., etc.
It wasn't until they were about leaving that I realized that this woman had not been joking, and had in fact been offended by my comment to her...despite the fact that her companions had been laughing right along with me, and despite the fact that even she seemed to have been laughing about the whole thing. At this point I made it very clear that I had merely been joking, and I apologized if she had thought otherwise. She's having none of it, and makes a point of making sure that her companions leave me only a dollar tip on the $20 tab.
Well, I guess that showed me!
Whatever, lady. I make my money either way, and if you really think that that is going to "hit me where it hurts," you are even more clueless than I had originally thought. No sense of humor, that one, but I figured that was the end of it.
Au contraire, mon frer.
About 30-45 minutes later, the Humorless One returned, with an admittedly Very Large Dude. They talked briefly to my manager, then the Very Large Dude come over to the bar, asks my name, and then goes about telling me that if I EVER told his wife to shut up again, "I'll come behind that bar and punch you in the face!" This despite my very polite attempts to explain that I had only been kidding, I had made it clear that I had only been kidding, and my very sincere attempts at apologizing.
Nope, he was having none of it. After all, he had to show the bartender who was half his size who was boss. Nothing like threatening bodily injury to someone who can't argue back since they're at work, right?
Yeah, I know. I could have thrown him out. I could have threatened him with the police. Several similar things were suggested to me by coworkers after the fact. But why would I exacerbate the situation? Dude didn't really scare me, to be honest (irritated is more the adjective I was thinking of), and frankly I just wanted him and his Overly Sensitive Wife to get the fuck out of my bar.
Which they finally did. Giving me time to reflect on this whole episode.
So, not only is this woman so humorless that she can't take a minor joke, but she actually ran to her husband saying, in effect, "Honey honey honey, that mean was mean to me!" And this dude is so humorless that, rather than telling her to get over it, like any normal guy would do, he marches straight in to the bar to threaten me with physical violence.
Bravo, sir. Bravo. I must admire you, as it is so rare to find two people so clearly and perfectly matched for each other as you and your wife.
My manager, for his part, basically wrote the two of them off, as he is well aware of my sense of humor, and that one has to be a completely humorless zombie to not understand that I'm joking when I tell my customers to "shut up," whether or not they enjoy the joke.
For the record, the vast majority of the customers I'm a smartass to or tell to "shut up" not only find it funny, they eat it up, as "this guy has some personality!", to quote several patrons. There's a reason I get such high praise and compliments from so many guests, and it's NOT because I bow and scrape and say "Yes sir" and "Yes ma'am" and "Right away, sir." It's not that kind of island, it's not that kind of bar, and I'm not that kind of bartender. And I am STILL far friendlier than so many surly, rude, and indifferent bartenders in this town. Hell, today alone I had more than one patron praise me "the best bartender" or their "favorite," including at least one couple that witnessed the entire Humorless Couple event (both chapters). Also for the record, I've been telling bar customers of mine to "shut up!" or sometimes even "shut the fuck up!" for a good six years now. And, including this woman and her husband, the total number of people that were offended by either of these phrases is: two.
So to the Humorless Very Large Guy and his Equally Humorless Wife, I have only two words. And they're not profane, they're not obscene, and they're not even the two that would be very appropriate and very ironic in this situation ("shut up"). No, my two words I have for you two overly sensitive people are simply these:
Lighten up.
A trio sits at my bar, two guys and a girl. For whatever reason, I was being a bit of a smartass to them (imagine that!), and they seemed to be eating it up, as many people do. One of the guys even commented that I reminded him of himself! So, at one point, for whatever reason, I told the woman to "shut up," clearly in a joking manner. I say a lot of obnoxious shit, but I get away with it because it is so blatantly obvious that I am joking. She starts talking about how funny it would be if her "really large husband" came in and kicked my ass. I go along with this joke, saying he'd stay thirsty, as I wouldn't be serving him. Etc., etc.
It wasn't until they were about leaving that I realized that this woman had not been joking, and had in fact been offended by my comment to her...despite the fact that her companions had been laughing right along with me, and despite the fact that even she seemed to have been laughing about the whole thing. At this point I made it very clear that I had merely been joking, and I apologized if she had thought otherwise. She's having none of it, and makes a point of making sure that her companions leave me only a dollar tip on the $20 tab.
Well, I guess that showed me!
Whatever, lady. I make my money either way, and if you really think that that is going to "hit me where it hurts," you are even more clueless than I had originally thought. No sense of humor, that one, but I figured that was the end of it.
Au contraire, mon frer.
About 30-45 minutes later, the Humorless One returned, with an admittedly Very Large Dude. They talked briefly to my manager, then the Very Large Dude come over to the bar, asks my name, and then goes about telling me that if I EVER told his wife to shut up again, "I'll come behind that bar and punch you in the face!" This despite my very polite attempts to explain that I had only been kidding, I had made it clear that I had only been kidding, and my very sincere attempts at apologizing.
Nope, he was having none of it. After all, he had to show the bartender who was half his size who was boss. Nothing like threatening bodily injury to someone who can't argue back since they're at work, right?
Yeah, I know. I could have thrown him out. I could have threatened him with the police. Several similar things were suggested to me by coworkers after the fact. But why would I exacerbate the situation? Dude didn't really scare me, to be honest (irritated is more the adjective I was thinking of), and frankly I just wanted him and his Overly Sensitive Wife to get the fuck out of my bar.
Which they finally did. Giving me time to reflect on this whole episode.
So, not only is this woman so humorless that she can't take a minor joke, but she actually ran to her husband saying, in effect, "Honey honey honey, that mean was mean to me!" And this dude is so humorless that, rather than telling her to get over it, like any normal guy would do, he marches straight in to the bar to threaten me with physical violence.
Bravo, sir. Bravo. I must admire you, as it is so rare to find two people so clearly and perfectly matched for each other as you and your wife.
My manager, for his part, basically wrote the two of them off, as he is well aware of my sense of humor, and that one has to be a completely humorless zombie to not understand that I'm joking when I tell my customers to "shut up," whether or not they enjoy the joke.
For the record, the vast majority of the customers I'm a smartass to or tell to "shut up" not only find it funny, they eat it up, as "this guy has some personality!", to quote several patrons. There's a reason I get such high praise and compliments from so many guests, and it's NOT because I bow and scrape and say "Yes sir" and "Yes ma'am" and "Right away, sir." It's not that kind of island, it's not that kind of bar, and I'm not that kind of bartender. And I am STILL far friendlier than so many surly, rude, and indifferent bartenders in this town. Hell, today alone I had more than one patron praise me "the best bartender" or their "favorite," including at least one couple that witnessed the entire Humorless Couple event (both chapters). Also for the record, I've been telling bar customers of mine to "shut up!" or sometimes even "shut the fuck up!" for a good six years now. And, including this woman and her husband, the total number of people that were offended by either of these phrases is: two.
So to the Humorless Very Large Guy and his Equally Humorless Wife, I have only two words. And they're not profane, they're not obscene, and they're not even the two that would be very appropriate and very ironic in this situation ("shut up"). No, my two words I have for you two overly sensitive people are simply these:
Lighten up.
. Anyhow..would never condone violence, nope not me.
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