Next Halloween I'm Going as a Broken Record

[roadside]

I have this happen all the time. At least once a day.

Me: Tireless Roadside/On-Rent Guy (Who just found out his department is getting outsourced)

SC: Soon to be someone else's problem


SC: I need to keep my car another day.

Me: No problem. I just need to verify some....*SC cuts me off*

SC: I need to return it to Long Beach, CA, too.

Me: Unfortunately we do not have a location in Long Beach. LAX will be our closest location.

SC: You don't have a rental return area in Long Beach?

Me: No, sir (ma'am). I apologize, but our closest is LAX.

SC: Do you have anything downtown, besides L.A. at the airport?

Me: I'm sorry, but LAX is the only location we have in that area.

SC: And you don't have anything at Long Beach?

Me: No. I'm sorry. Only LAX.

SC: And nothing downtown?

Me: No.

SC: So I would have to take it to LAX?

Me: *Let me think to the very FIRST of our conversation* Yes.

SC: Are you sure you don't have a location at Long Beach?

Me: Let me check *Pauses for dramatic effect*
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ........................ nope. We still don't have a location at Long Beach.

SC: I guess I'll go to LAX.

I really hope some people become legally banned to breed.

[Boozy]

Thanks for reminding me, I've been meaning to ask...
Do you guys have a location in Long Beach?

*ducks and runs*

[roadside]

Imaginary SC conversation in my head:

Me: Hold on....we do have a Long Beach location

SC: REALLY!??!

Me: No.

[myswtghst]

No, see, the SC's have this theory that we're all really big jerks, but if they ask the same question the magic number of times, we'll call it off and say we were just kidding, we totally have what they want. That's my theory, at least.

[Jester]

SC: "Are you sure you don't have a location in Long Beach?"
YOU: "Actually, I'm sorry...we do have a Long Beach location."
SC: "Great! Where is it?"
YOU: "LAX."

[chainedbarista]

not just breed, but drive, own anything more complicated than a pencil and paper or own pets.

limit their choices and they do just fine...

[Becks]

not just breed, but drive, own anything more complicated than a pencil and paper or own pets.

A CIRCLE of paper?

Sorry, Simpsons reference.

[Imogene]

A CIRCLE of paper?

"Whoa! We do NOT reward that kind of free-thinking here!"

[Spiffy McMoron]

SC: Are you sure you don't have a location at Long Beach?

Imaginary conversation:

You: Actually, I'm not sure at all.
SC: What?!?
You: Our computers are down, so I'm just flipping a coin for "yes" and "no" answers. And for the record, I wouldn't know the difference between LAX, Long Beach, or downtown. This call center is in West Philly. The only way someone from here would end up there is if we got in a fight with thugs, and our mom sent us to live with my wealthy judge uncle in Bel-Air. [Sorry if you don't recognize the reference, kids! -SM]

[FenigDurak]

I really hope some people become legally banned to breed.

As soon as I take over the world, your request will be happily granted. My plan is to make it mandatory to gain a special license for things like driving, breeding, walking with shoes that are not strapped on properly (I have grown to hate the sound of Crocs shuffling on tile while I'm in class), and many such activities. Vote for me in 2012.

[counterjockey]

I'd make a sign, but even if I wrote it at a fourth grade level, the people it's meant for didn't read there then, let alone now.

My c-store sells smokes, at not unreasonable prices. (A pack of Camels is a little more than $3.50, Marlboros are I think $3.79 with tax. We sell our cartons for the lowest prices allowed by the state, and we take inordinate pride in this.)

We do get special offers from the tobacco companies, like Buy 1 get 1, Buy 2 get 1. These are usually for the less popular blends like menthols, etc. I've had customers--probably nice enough folks otherwise--ask and ask and ask when we'll get a special on Marlboro Reds or Lights (Our two biggest sellers, probably half of our company's cig sales altogether if not more.) I finally went Lewis Black on this woman who'd asked me about that every day for at least two straight weeks:

"They won't. Not now. Not ever. They're not gonna do it because they don't need to do it. Philip Morris sells Reds and Lights hand over fist and ass over teakettle without any special offers. We don't have to ask people to buy these, we have to limit quantities! They're just not gonna go on sale, please stop asking!"

Believe it or not, I think she got the message. Or else she figures my damn head'll explode if she even mentions it again. Either way, works for me...

This call center is in West Philly. The only way someone from here would end up there is if we got in a fight with thugs, and our mom sent us to live with my wealthy judge uncle in Bel-Air. [Sorry if you don't recognize the reference, kids! -SM]

I do! A doughy white boy from the boondocks who was only like 8 or 9 when the show was on! Hooraaaay beeer-- I mean, hooraaaaay me!

Ah hell, hooraaaay beer too!

[AFpheonix]

not just breed, but drive, own anything more complicated than a pencil and paper or own pets.

limit their choices and they do just fine...

Ooh ooh! How about a license to breathe? There's some people who definitely need theirs suspended.

I get that occasionally too, the most recent being about 30 minutes ago, right before I was getting off:
"Duurrrrr....I filled a percocet script at your pharmacy, but now I'm in salem, could you transfer it down here?"
"No, that is illegal, I can't do that."

Lather, rinse, repeat. I guess the fact that it's ILLEGAL to transfer CII meds just wasn't a good enough reason for her. Bummer. Don't go gallavanting 30 miles away from where you dropped your script off next time, brainiac.

[ShortTemperHatesStupidity]

As soon as I take over the world, your request will be happily granted. My plan is to make it mandatory to gain a special license for things like driving, breeding, walking with shoes that are not strapped on properly (I have grown to hate the sound of Crocs shuffling on tile while I'm in class), and many such activities. Vote for me in 2012.

I'm down to vote for ya! What do we do with the people who won't qualify? I'm sure there will be several...

[Seenoevil]

Force them to work in low-paying customer service jobs

(Hi everyone btw long time reader finally got the guts to post.

[BookstoreEscapee]

own anything more complicated than a pencil and paper

I don't know...they could put an eye out with the pencil...and did you think about the paper cuts ?

I posted this yesterday on a different thread, but my dad's friend is one of these. The man should NOT own a computer...he calls my dad at least once a week for help with something or other that he screwed up.

-ams-