As many of you know, I work at a newspaper in Texas. And as many of you also know, one of the things SCs LOOOOOVE to threaten is to "go to the media".
It turns out, sometimes, they aren't bluffing. Thus follows a small sampling of the fun I get to shoot down over the phone.
Wal-Mart Be Ebil!
Me: "Newsroom."
SC: "AH HAVE UH STAHRY AH T'INK YA'LL BE INNA-ESTED IAN!!"
(Oh, did I mention these are all broken down backwoods hillbilly rednecks? Well, you see what I have to deal with so I'll just write the English translations.)
Me: "Okay, what's it regarding?" (So I know which reporter to fob you off on.)
SC: "Wal-Mart is racist against the handicapped!"
Me: *ignoring the inherent wrongness of that statement* "How do you mean?"
SC: "Every time I go, EVERY TIME I GO, they don't have a wheelchair for me! I'm a disabled veteran-" *rantrantrant 20-minute explanation I didn't need*
Me: "Well, there are a lot of disabled veterans in the area and sometimes there's a lot of them at the store, and Wal-Mart only has a certain number of chairs..."
SC: "THEY NEVER HAVE ANY! THEY NEVER RANT RANT RANT!"
Me: "When do you go? Maybe if you go at different times-,"
SC: "I CAN'T DRIVE! I LIVE AT A NURSING HOME AND WHENEVER THE BUS GETS THERE, BY THE TIME I GET IN THE CHAIRS ARE ALL GONE."
Me: *facepalm*
I eventually palmed him off on an editor, who threw things at me for the duration of the call.![Laughing](https://www.customerssuck.com/board/core/images/smilies/laugh.gif)
McDonalds Sucks!
I feel like this woman for this one, I really do.
Me: "Newsroom."
SC: "I need to talk to someone about a business!"
Me: "Well, our business reporter is out of the office at the moment, can I-,"
SC: "Well, I need to talk to SOMEONE right now!"
(This is quickest way to ensure that you will not be talking to ANYONE in MY newsroom.)
Me: "I can try to help you, ma'am."
SC: "The *street* McDonalds is gouging me! I have my receipt here and they're charging me almost a dollar for dining in! It's ILLEGAL! They can't charge me to eat in their restaurant!"
Me: "First of all, ma'am, when you go into a restaurant, order food, and exchange money for it, they ARE charging you to eat in their restaurant."
SC: "But when I go through the drive-thru, they don't charge me for dining in!"
Me: "Ma'am, does this charge say 'dine-in tax'?"
SC: "YES! See, they've gotten you, too!"
Me: "Ma'am, that's not a charge. All that is is the tax on your food. The 'dine-in' portion of it is only for the reference of the employees, so they know how to sort out the orders. Drive-thru receipts will have something like a 'carry out' tax."
SC: "THAT'S WRONG!!"
Me: "Ma'am, I've worked in two McDonalds. I'm very aware of their policies."
SC: "I want to speak a reporter!"
Me: "There's none in at the moment." *blatent lie*
SC: "I want someone to help me right now!"
Me: "Well, there's no one here at the moment but me, but let me give you a number to some people who will be able to help you, ma'am..."
I imagine she was mightily pissed afterwards when she realized I had directed her to a local mental health resource center.
But she never called back, or if she did, no one mentioned it to me.
What's really sad is I get a "dine-in tax" complainer probably at least once a month. But 99% of them are perfectly understanding and happy to be corrected when I explain to them what it is, so at least there's some hope.
Generic complaint convo
The rest generally follow along these lines, when I establish there is no real problem other than "no one kissed my ass how I wanted!"
Me: "Newsroom."
SC: "I have a complaint about *business*! They *did some inane and perfectly understandable thing that's probably expressly written policy* and I think the public needs to know!"
Me: "Sir/ma'am, I can give you to our business reporter, but this doesn't sound like the sort of thing that we would cover."
SC: "But they *did something not in my immediate favor* and that's not right!"
Me: "Sir/ma'am, I can see no reason why that would be worthy of being included in our paper."
SC: "I'M A SUBSCRIBER TO YOUR PAPER!"
Me: "I'm happy to hear that, but you still don't have a story."
SC: "Maybe I'll just cancel my subscription, then!"
Me: "All right. Would you like me to transfer you to the circulation department so you can do that?"
SC:
*long pause*
Me: "Sir/ma'am?"
SC: *hangs up, calls back 45 seconds later* "I need to talk to the business writer!"
Me: "Were you who I just talked to about *issue with business*?"
SC: "Just give me the business writer!!"
Me: *transfers to business writer*
SC: *gives sob story*
Business Writer: "That's not a story."
SC: *hangs up, rends clothing, knashes teeth*
The moral of this is, just because they say they're going to the media, doesn't mean they're bluffing. It just means that I get to shoot down everyone else's SCs with extreme prejudice. And that's why I love my job.
It turns out, sometimes, they aren't bluffing. Thus follows a small sampling of the fun I get to shoot down over the phone.
Wal-Mart Be Ebil!
Me: "Newsroom."
SC: "AH HAVE UH STAHRY AH T'INK YA'LL BE INNA-ESTED IAN!!"
(Oh, did I mention these are all broken down backwoods hillbilly rednecks? Well, you see what I have to deal with so I'll just write the English translations.)
Me: "Okay, what's it regarding?" (So I know which reporter to fob you off on.)
SC: "Wal-Mart is racist against the handicapped!"
Me: *ignoring the inherent wrongness of that statement* "How do you mean?"
SC: "Every time I go, EVERY TIME I GO, they don't have a wheelchair for me! I'm a disabled veteran-" *rantrantrant 20-minute explanation I didn't need*
Me: "Well, there are a lot of disabled veterans in the area and sometimes there's a lot of them at the store, and Wal-Mart only has a certain number of chairs..."
SC: "THEY NEVER HAVE ANY! THEY NEVER RANT RANT RANT!"
Me: "When do you go? Maybe if you go at different times-,"
SC: "I CAN'T DRIVE! I LIVE AT A NURSING HOME AND WHENEVER THE BUS GETS THERE, BY THE TIME I GET IN THE CHAIRS ARE ALL GONE."
Me: *facepalm*
I eventually palmed him off on an editor, who threw things at me for the duration of the call.
![Laughing](https://www.customerssuck.com/board/core/images/smilies/laugh.gif)
McDonalds Sucks!
I feel like this woman for this one, I really do.
Me: "Newsroom."
SC: "I need to talk to someone about a business!"
Me: "Well, our business reporter is out of the office at the moment, can I-,"
SC: "Well, I need to talk to SOMEONE right now!"
(This is quickest way to ensure that you will not be talking to ANYONE in MY newsroom.)
Me: "I can try to help you, ma'am."
SC: "The *street* McDonalds is gouging me! I have my receipt here and they're charging me almost a dollar for dining in! It's ILLEGAL! They can't charge me to eat in their restaurant!"
Me: "First of all, ma'am, when you go into a restaurant, order food, and exchange money for it, they ARE charging you to eat in their restaurant."
SC: "But when I go through the drive-thru, they don't charge me for dining in!"
Me: "Ma'am, does this charge say 'dine-in tax'?"
SC: "YES! See, they've gotten you, too!"
Me: "Ma'am, that's not a charge. All that is is the tax on your food. The 'dine-in' portion of it is only for the reference of the employees, so they know how to sort out the orders. Drive-thru receipts will have something like a 'carry out' tax."
SC: "THAT'S WRONG!!"
Me: "Ma'am, I've worked in two McDonalds. I'm very aware of their policies."
SC: "I want to speak a reporter!"
Me: "There's none in at the moment." *blatent lie*
SC: "I want someone to help me right now!"
Me: "Well, there's no one here at the moment but me, but let me give you a number to some people who will be able to help you, ma'am..."
I imagine she was mightily pissed afterwards when she realized I had directed her to a local mental health resource center.
![Angel](https://www.customerssuck.com/board/core/images/smilies/angel.gif)
What's really sad is I get a "dine-in tax" complainer probably at least once a month. But 99% of them are perfectly understanding and happy to be corrected when I explain to them what it is, so at least there's some hope.
Generic complaint convo
The rest generally follow along these lines, when I establish there is no real problem other than "no one kissed my ass how I wanted!"
Me: "Newsroom."
SC: "I have a complaint about *business*! They *did some inane and perfectly understandable thing that's probably expressly written policy* and I think the public needs to know!"
Me: "Sir/ma'am, I can give you to our business reporter, but this doesn't sound like the sort of thing that we would cover."
SC: "But they *did something not in my immediate favor* and that's not right!"
Me: "Sir/ma'am, I can see no reason why that would be worthy of being included in our paper."
SC: "I'M A SUBSCRIBER TO YOUR PAPER!"
Me: "I'm happy to hear that, but you still don't have a story."
SC: "Maybe I'll just cancel my subscription, then!"
Me: "All right. Would you like me to transfer you to the circulation department so you can do that?"
SC:
![EEK!](https://www.customerssuck.com/board/core/images/smilies/eek.png)
Me: "Sir/ma'am?"
SC: *hangs up, calls back 45 seconds later* "I need to talk to the business writer!"
Me: "Were you who I just talked to about *issue with business*?"
SC: "Just give me the business writer!!"
Me: *transfers to business writer*
SC: *gives sob story*
Business Writer: "That's not a story."
SC: *hangs up, rends clothing, knashes teeth*
The moral of this is, just because they say they're going to the media, doesn't mean they're bluffing. It just means that I get to shoot down everyone else's SCs with extreme prejudice. And that's why I love my job.
![Big Grin](https://www.customerssuck.com/board/core/images/smilies/biggrin.png)
Comment