End of a Friendship

[Writer Cath]

WARNING - Long

This is a story of an SC who used to be my best friend. Her SC'ness eventually led to us severing all contact between us.

S and I had been best friends since our second year of high school. My parents weren't fond of her (apparently nobody I knew was fond of her) but I still liked her. She made me laugh and brought me out of my shell, a lot.

Looking back, things started going bad when I went away for university. She resented me for it. S is the type of person who'll make you feel guilty for having a good day. She will lean on you constantly for support, yet if you try to do the same, you will simply get a one word reply in return. She's also bipolar and refuses to take her meds. The friendship soon became strained for these and other issues.

About a month before the falling out, I told her that for her parents' anniversary, I would do a family portrait with her sister and her parents. This was to be my gift to them, free of charge. Keep in mind that on this day, my dad and I were already doing a wedding and then heading right back home because my brother was leaving the country and we were going to have a party for him. This was a loose agreement and something I'd only mentioned half heartedly. Also, even if I was to go, my timing was going to be VERY tight as there was only a small window where I could sneak out to their place to do this. I told her about these prior commitments and she understood.

Well about two weeks before the anniversary, S and I had a huge fight over something so inconsequential I forget what it was. We didn't speak again.

The day before the anniversary, she has the nerve to get her little sister M to call me, because she was scared to talk to me. M asks me to come at a completely different time to give relatives who are coming from out of the country time to get there Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. I told them I could do it, because doing a photo shoot with four people takes about twenty minutes. Doing one with a large group, including individidual families will take at least an hour. I told her that I couldn't make it at that time and that the rest of my day was taken up.

M was a little upset, but after a long talk where I told her that the timing was impossible, she understood. I felt bad, because M was a good kid, but there was absolutely no way I could do this anymore. And I knew that S was going to claim the photo shoot - MY gift to HER parents - as her own work and thereby make herself look like a bigshot because she got a professional photographer in for free.

[Writer Cath]

End of a Friendship - Part two

That night I'm sitting at home, watching TV. I'm a little sad because, as I said, M is a good kid, but there was simply no way I could fit a full family photo shoot into my schedule. It was originally supposed to be a favour, a gift, but S had simply assumed that my schedule didn't matter and that a paying job, my father who was counting on me, my visiting family and friends, and my brother who was leaving the country were less important.

The phone rings. A chill filled the room.

Flicked off the TV and answered. It was S.

"You promised you were going to come, what the is the matter with you? What did you forget?!"

Me: "Yes."

S: "How could you do this to me? What's the matter with you? You promised, this sucks..." and on and on and on.

Me: "Look, I already explained the situation to your sister. I could have done it if it was just your family. But except for that little window, the rest of my day is tied up and I can't do it.

*S hangs up without a word.*

Me = Because until this point, I was still stupidly, half heartedly trying to see if I could fit this in somehow.

She had the gall to call again.

S: "Hey, Writer Caaaaath, I was just wondering, if you know, someone could come out, just for an hour? We've got family coming in from out of town and ..."

Oh, so NOW you're nice? Perhaps I would buy this attempt at sweetness had you not been cussing me out less than twenty minutes ago. By this point, any warm feelings I'd had for S over the years had evaporated - in fact, I was quite furious - and I told her that there was nobody available. Once again, she hung up without a word.

We haven't spoken since and I intend to keep it that way.

[myswtghst]

I know the feeling. I've had many friends who were like that, and I've worked a number of rather odd jobs, so I've been taken advantage for a wide variety of skills and knowledge. I don't generally mind, but even my dad has ticked me off by calling in the middle of dinner to ask me about the dog's digestive issues (I initially wanted to be a Vet, and spent years upon years working as a vet assistant to get hours to apply for school) even though it wasn't anything he couldn't handle on his own, and I asked him not to elaborate. and ruin my meal, but he did anyways.

Seriously though, it's great that you just told her no. People like that are their own breed of entitlement whores--the kind who take advantage of their friends, and bring guilt into the equation.

[Kiwi]

I had a friend like that, took and never gave ever. We were best friends from 11 -15 and remained great friends who hung out every single week until I was 22, she was such a cool person to hangout with, always up for a good time. We hung out in very very different circles and I couldnt stand her friends and my friends couldnt stand her.

She was pretty selfish, we both planned on going to a resturant for a farewell party once and she got there first and "forgot" our agreement to sign up numbers for the ENTIRE party, she just told the hostess her number of friends, then her friends left without paying for their drinks and she didnt have any money! She expected me to miss a university class to go have lunch, because she needed to be back in time for HER class.... or she would show up to my lectures and talk to me all the way through it with me sitting there ignoring her or telling her to SHUT UP!

Everything always had two rules, one for her and one for me. She could "forget" or cancel plans at the last minute and I couldnt dare get angry or annoyed, but god forbide I be 5 minutes late to meet her, she once berated me for an entire hour because I didnt want to walk 4kms for lunch because she had spend her bus money on "this great bag" and how she couldnt afford the lunch she wanted now and had to settle for the small size drink... I cant make this crap up.(sadly) I took it for WAY to long! looking back I dont know why! Maybe it was because in earlier years she was such a great friend, we were like sisters, I really trusted her and I loved her, she was pretty much part of my family. The last straw happened in my last year of uni...

My birthday is in September, I was leaving for Canada in December.... just over 12 weeks. Classes finished in November.I made plans with H at least once a week, every single week between September and December and every single time, SHE cancelled on me.... she forgot or she something came up or she had an assignment or she had to pick up a shift or she didnt have any money or something always something....one time I was waiting to meet her for lunch and after 20 minutes called her, and she had forgotten and was having lunch with one of her other friends hehe woops! She didnt apologise or anything

She didnt come to my birthday party (not a card or an email or a text or anything to acknowlegde it either), nor my halloween party, she couldnt ever make coffee, then on the DAY BEFORE my farewell party before I was leaving the country! She calls .... a co-worker is leaving and her party was starting at 9pm and she wanted to go to the co-workers party not mine. She had known about my party for weeks, I was leaving 2 days after the party and knew I wouldnt have any time after the party, so it was a big goodbye and merry christmas to everyone.

Keep in mind I was putting on a full christmas sit down dinner at 6pm because I was missing christmas with my family and friends.... I wasnt coming back for years and she knew this but didnt care I guess.Then she said "well your a better friend so if you force me to come to your party I will"... thats right she said "force me" my jaw dropped... what a child!

Then I pointed out that my party was at 6pm and her co-workers party was drinks at 9pm... why couldnt she go to both? She didnt want to have to arrange a ride into town....so I told her, that I wouldnt force her to do anything, she had to make the choice herself and she apologised over and over and then said we had to get together for coffee before I left (I explained I had no time) and she had the balls to get pissy at me for not even being able to spare "1/2 an hour for a good friend" !!! I was pretty cool towards her on that phonecall and stated pretty plainly how I saw it. If she wanted our friendship to continue, she would be there. If she wasnt at the party, our friendship (nearly 10 years) was over. She could easily make it to both parties, she wasnt going to see me for a very long time, she hadnt been able to make time for me in the last 3 months, I told her from my corner I didnt see much of a friendship left.

It wasnt the fact she didnt turn up, it was the fact that I was friends with someone who prefered going to a co-workers party (whom she didnt even like that well she admitted) over a close friends. She called something like 16 times over the two days between the party and when I left, begging my mum to put me on the phone. Its been two years (she has my email) and Ive never spoken or heard from her since. Mutual friends tell me she acted pretty broken up over it. I couldnt care less.

By the way all of my other friends and family turned up and we had the best time! Its quite a legendary party in my circle.... something about my god father doing a flip from the back of his chair and my ex boyfriend dancing around with tinsel...

edit: sorry I didnt mean for it to be that long, i got started and just kind of vented!

[powerboy]

I had a friend like that. He would take advantage of my generosity so many times, just because I was the nice guy. Until when I told him, that he cannot leave one of his cars in the driveway, because he done it before, and it took half a year, just to get him to move it. He called up a month later, and started telling me that I am fake, that I am bitter, because he has a better job. If he had a better job, then why was they laying everyone off in his dept? He ended the friendship, and I can not be happier about it. But I predict that he will call, in a few months

[AZangel]

I had a friend when I was young and naive that took advantage of that very fact. I came to be her personal taxi service when her boyfriend couldn't take her to work. Never offered me gas money. I even became a storage for free home. She had the audacity to call my parents home in the middle of the night(the night before I moved into my first place)to ask if I could come bail her out of jail(for what now I don't remember). I finally got sick of it one day(after she'd found a roommate) and dropped her things in front of her place and didn't look back. Even if they don't have the world at their feet, they think you owe it to them.

[Pinkie]

I could write a novel about this former friend of mine. She always whined about how broke she was, but would spend her money on new clothes and going to the bar instead of getting her car fixed. Because I was nice, I would call her if I was running out to go shopping to see if she wanted to come along. If I ever wanted to do something like go to the movies or a comedy club, she'd say no because she couldn't afford it, and even when I'd offer to pay, she still wouldn't go. But when she wanted to go to the bar, she could afford that and wanted me to take her there. Now, she did buy me a few meals and drinks over the years but it in no way made up for the gas I used hauling her around, but at that time, I didn't care...she was my friend. I didn't just take her with me when I had shopping to do....she had gotten the nerve to call me out of the blue asking for rides near the end of our friendship, and since I'm so damn nice, I never said no. Now, last summer, I was getting really tired of being her personal taxi, so I quit calling when I was going shopping and she got pissed and stopped talking to me. The beginning of the end was when she was moving a whole two blocks to a new apartment, and she called me the same night wanting me to help with the move.....she knew for weeks that she was moving and she waited until that same day (7pm) to call me to help her. WTF?? I helped for 1/2 hr and then went home to spend time helping my son with his homework. She got pissed and wrote some crap about me in her blog and I figured we were done. Then at the beginning of January, she called me sobbing, saying she was sorry and then hung up. I got the feeling that maybe she was doing something stupid like suicide so I drove to her place and she wouldn't let me in. So I try finding her grown kids, other friends, wondering if I should call the cops. Hubby talked me out of it, so I leave a message for a friend to call me if she knew anything. She called me that night and my friend had tried to kill herself with an overdose. A few days later, I get an email telling me that she couldn't be my friend anymore because I was depressing her......WTF??? I hadn't seen her for months before she tried to kill herself.... She was probably depressed because I wasn't allowing her to use me anymore....... I don't get it.....

[Dreamstalker]

I totally, TOTALLY see where you are coming from. She sounds like an emotional vampire, draining all the happiness from your life when she's around, overshadowing your pleasures with her issues. The human equivalent of a Dementor, if you're a Harry Potter fan.

That's what The Twit was. She hid it well, until that fateful day when I did an "emergency" network fix for her. To recap quickly: before I touched anything I told her it would cost $20 for my time. She agrees, then calls me at 5 the next morning screeching about "how dare you charge me" and that I was "untrustworthy" (because I didn't do what she wanted the way she wanted). OK, I was willing to negotiate until you pulled that card. Seeya.

She was the one who, before this, wanted me to do a $20,000 (minimum) website design for her for free "because we're friends"

[Crow The Robot]

i had a friend like this too. I would set up aa time to watch a movie and he would never show up. If i brought it up i was a "prick" , he borrowed money from me and never paid it back, deserted our chior, got scholarshipmoney for a class he never attended, and blew off his classes. Once i blew up, we were at a Applebee's-type place and he left, joining another party, telling me to "explain it to the waitress" well, I didn't, (my fault I know) I had his food boxed up, paid for the meal. leaving a sizable tip, and gave his food to him, politely telling him i didn't know where he was and whether our waitress was covering that table. Later, he told me that he had other friends and I needed to "get over it" and stop being a b-tch. Then he drove off and left me leaving me to hike the 5 miles back to college, I was picked up by some friends, before I got too far down the road.I haven't had anything to do w/him since then.

[allniter]

I have to admit, I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I used to have "friends" who would be constantly using my naivety and generosity against me. I would do favours for them, drive them around, lend them money and not expect anything but their friendship in return.

Since then I've realized that a real friend is the one who is willing to do the same thing back for you without asking. They;ll call you to say hi, ask how you're doing and show genuine interest when you're in distress. After taking psychology in school, I've come to determine that several of the people I'm describing are sociopaths, people who do not understand their right from wrong behaviours.
I now do not worry about them because I've dropped them as "friends" which they never really were anyways. By focusing on those who do care, I'm a lot happier and those who eventually depended on me, are a lot sadder for being alone. Not that I'm gloating, but as long as I'm happy, they're that much easier to ignore.

[Phone Jockey]

I had a friend who was a high-school buddy’s mom. She & I bonded over an interest in serial killers. She wanted me to come visit (30 min away) every weekend, but since she didn’t drive, I was the only one making the effort. She told me secrets & talked about ppl she hated. The ONE TIME I couldn’t make it when she wanted me over there, she freaked out & emailed me a mean email. She later told my friend’s fiancée that he’d tried to leave her (something I’d told her in confidence, ever so stupidly) & he no longer wanted to hang out either. I’ll NEVER befriend a relative of a friend again for this very reason.

[draftermatt]

My best friend in high school was an odd guy. He lied about insignificant crap all the time, but I always took it with a grain of salt.

He was helping with a project, then stopped talking to me. Which was odd. I found out later he thought I was mad at him because he stopped helping me with the project. I wasn't, I was annoyed he didn't call me or give me an excuse but whatever.

We basically just stopped talking. If we saw each other we would talk but that was about it.

Then he started bad mouthing my real best friend, and his girlfriend, including telling her dad that she drinks and does drugs while the 4 of us (the two of them, me and my wife-Fiancee at the time) were on vacation together.

He's now her dad's friend. The last time I talked to him he called me out of the blue, hadn't heard from him in a year or more, and he wants to know if my Dad could do some work for a friend of his!

Sad thing is, I was going to invite him to my wedding, but my wife wouldn't let me. I'm quite glad about it. He never talks shit about me just my best friend.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I've never had friends like this. Mostly cuz I have a saying; "F*ck me over once, shame on you. F*ck me over twice, shame on me." I may be a cold, cynical person, but I've never had anyone try to take advantage of me cuz of my little rule.

[Primer]

The only hard and fast rule I always stuck to was never to lend cash. I'll buy you (real) food at the grocery store; I'll give you a place to stay as long as you're trying to get your own place lined up; I'll put gas in your vehicle. But I'll never give you cash. Not even my first 3 husbands got cash from me. I'd pay bills and buy groceries, but they never got cash.

[allniter]

I had a friend like that, took and never gave ever. We were best friends from 11 -15 and remained great friends who hung out every single week until I was 22, she was such a cool person to hangout with, always up for a good time. We hung out in very very different circles and I couldnt stand her friends and my friends couldnt stand her.

I'm always surprised that best friends always have to have such horrible problems. I guess if they didn't we'd get bored with them and find someone better to fight with.