But I Paid Yesterday!

[Quillsilver]

BG: I work in fast food.

But I Paid Yesterday!

Old Biddy walks into store, carrying a cup with our store logo. OB walks over to drink machine and proceeds to fill her cup. Cashier notices and alerts Store Manager. SM approaches OB, who is a regular that we all know by name...she also qualifies for our senior rate drink, which costs less than $.50 after tax.

SM: OB, can I talk to you for a moment, please?
OB: What the f*ck have I done now?!
SM: Well, for starters, you brought a cup in and filled it with a drink that you have not paid for -
OB: I paid for it yesterday!!
SM: And you were welcome to refills yesterday...however, once you leave the store and return, you have to pay for your drink again. They do not "carry over" from one day to the next!
OB: Well, how am I supposed to know that! You need to stop changing the f*cking rules!!

Conversation continues for a moment in a similar vein. OB finally hobbles off to complain to her friends. SM advices staff to keep an eye out for OB. SM contacts DM later that day (DM was our SM until a few months ago), commenting that she would like to be able to ban OB. DM tells her that she can't do that. Phone conversation is relayed to me later (I am a shift lead), my response is "since she's stealing and abusing employees, she's not a customer....why can't we ban a non-customer?"

Assorted Drive-Thru Obnoxiousness (is that a word? it is now!)

Ah, Yes...Let's Abuse The Drive-Thru People...

I am managing a closing shift and it's late evening. Customer pulls up to the DT speaker.

Order Taker: Welcome to *store*. Would you like to try our new *fancy burger*?
Driver: Hell no!
Passenger: F*ck that shit!
OT (taking a deep breath): What can I get for you, then?
Driver: Give me a damn minute!
Passenger: Yeah! F*ck that b*tch behind us! They can wait!!

At this point, I wave cashier away from the order station and turn my mic on.

Driver: Hey, do ya'll have them *obvious breakfast item*?
Me (pleasantly): Not at this time of night. What dinner item would you like?
Passenger: Did that b*tch just get smart with us?
Driver: *mutters something I don't catch, but sounds rude*
OT (cutting in before I get the chance, using her "kill 'em with kindness" voice): Bye! Have a good night!!

Next customer pulls up to speaker.

Customer: What the hell was their problem?!

Don't Confuse Me With Information

Customer pulls up to DT speaker.

Order Taker: Welcome to *store*. Would you like to try our new *fancy burger*?
Customer: (Orders a random combo, then this) And I want a *fancy burger* with only tomato and mayo!
(Note: *fancy burger* comes with several unusual toppings...without these toppings, it's not a *fancy burger*. A burger with just tomato and mayo can be gotten for about $1.50 less than *fancy burger*.)
Me: Sir, just to clarify, you don't want *unusual toppings* on your *fancy burger*? It comes with those - if you don't want those toppings, we can just ring you up for -
Customer (cutting me off): I want a *fancy burger* with just tomato and mayo!! Can you handle that?!
Me: Certainly, sir
I ring the order up exactly as requested. Customer starts to pull around. Cook comes around the corner.
Cook: Wait, he just wants a *cheaper burger*, right?
Me: Nope...the gentleman wants a *fancy burger* without the *fancy*, and that is what he gets.

I Know What I Want!!
This has happened more times than I can count....

Customer pulls up to DT speaker.

Order Taker: *Opening spiel*
Customer: Yeah, I want a Sausage Egg McMuffin!
OT: I'm sorry, did you mean a sausage egg biscuit?
Customer: NO! I want a McMuffin!!
OT: I'm sorry, but we don't have McMuffins....this is not McDonalds.
Customer: Well, that's just stupid! (Or some variation...very rarely we get an embarrassed "oh....yeah")

Give Me What I Want, Not What I Order!

OT: *opening spiel*
Customer: I want 2 sausage biscuits and that's it.
OT: Is your order correct on the screen?
Customer: Yeah
Customer pulls around, pays, receives 2 sausage biscuits
Customer: This isn't what I wanted! I wanted 2 orders of biscuit and gravy!!
OT:

OT: *opening spiel*
Customer: 2 plain biscuits
OT: Is your order correct on the screen?
Customer: Whatever.
Transaction is completed. Customer comes back through the line a few minutes later.
Customer: I ordered 2 plain biscuits and ya'll messed them up!
OT: I'm sorry, sir...what is wrong with your order?
Customer: There's no sausage!!
OT:

The Art of Not Listening

OT: Welcome to *store*. Would you like to try our *whatever we are promoting this week*?
Customer: Yeah, I want *totally other item*
or
Customer: No! I want *exact item we just scripted*!

I Want Both

OT: *Opening spiel*
Customer: *orders 2 combos*
OT: And what drinks would you like?
Customer: I want a Coke with one, and a Pepsi with the other.
OT: I'm sorry, we only have Coke products. Would Coke be okay with both?
Customer: No, I want a Coke and a Pepsi!
OT: I'm sorry, but we do not have Pepsi. We carry Coke products, as well as Dr. Pepper, sweet tea, orange juice *etc*
Customer: I can't believe this! *sigh* Fine, I guess 2 Cokes will have to do!

[Andara Bledin]

Customer: No, I want a Coke and a Pepsi!

And I want a pony, but we don't carry those, either.

^-.-^

[BeenThereDoneThat]

I ring the order up exactly as requested. Customer starts to pull around. Cook comes around the corner.
Cook: Wait, he just wants a *cheaper burger*, right?
Me: Nope...the gentleman wants a *fancy burger* without the *fancy*, and that is what he gets.

All together now...

...THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!

[kpzra]

No Coke, Pepsi!

[Racket_Man]

No Coke, Pepsi!

Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, CHEESEBURGER

The Original Billy Goat in Chicago

The SNL Skit (sorry the sound sucks)

and it is No Pepsi Coke

[HappyFun Ball]

No Coke, Pepsi! Is a line from Family Guy.. Probably a play on No Pepsi, Coke!

[mhkohne]

The number of places that have both Coke and Pepsi products on a fountain is so small as to be correctly approximated as zero (it's not quite zero, but near enough!). Where did that guy think he was?

[Syriilord]

I'll just have a Horse Coke.

Horse Pepsi okay?

Neigh.

[LillFilly]

Man, that old lady filling her old cup, claiming that gives her some special rights, I HATE that. Right up there with people bringing a popcorn bag from the trash to be filled, to those who set-up their RVs in my mall parking lot because according to them, having spent $100 in store X gives them the right to spend the night. Kill me now!

[kpzra]

The number of places that have both Coke and Pepsi products on a fountain is so small as to be correctly approximated as zero (it's not quite zero, but near enough!). Where did that guy think he was?

Unless you are in Alaska, then all the Hoildays (gas station) have both on tap.

[MoonCat]

The Art of Not Listening

OT: Welcome to *store*. Would you like to try our *whatever we are promoting this week*?
Customer: Yeah, I want *totally other item*
or
Customer: No! I want *exact item we just scripted*!

Yeah, I get those.

Me: "How would you like your ad to read?"
Customer: "Wait, first things first. Let me give you the wording."

[wolfie]

The number of places that have both Coke and Pepsi products on a fountain is so small as to be correctly approximated as zero (it's not quite zero, but near enough!). Where did that guy think he was?

Unless you are in Alaska, then all the Hoildays (gas station) have both on tap.

Or at a Pilot/Flying J (2 chains of truck stops recently brought under the same management).

[Gizmo]

Somewhere I have been have got around the Coke/Pepsi issue... they have Coke by the glass bottle and Pepsi on fountain.

[BrenDAnn]

My C-store (which is not even remotely a Holiday btw) has both Pepsi and Coke on the fountain. I really don't understand why OB couldn't be banned just on the grounds of stealing, or attempting to steal. You're right. As for the guys at the drive thru...How do you deal with such stupidity with person after person and not end up with a splitting headache? Well, maybe you do end up with a headache. I know I probably would!

[Quillsilver]

I often do end the day with a headache...heck, sometimes I start the day with a headache! Luckily, the stupid doesn't usually come all at once, it's just that the little things add up rather quickly.

For example - we are extremely lenient on our coupon policy. There are only 3 set rules: You can't use the same coupon more than twice (coupons actually say "Limit 2 discounts"), you can't use more than one coupon on any given item, and if it's for a "free with no purchase required" item, it has to be within date. Expired BOGO coupon? No problem! You want to use five different coupons? No problem!

You have a BOGO coupon for <Burger A> and a coupon that says "Buy <Burger A> and get free fries & drink"? No problem, as long as you realize that you are getting a total of 3 burgers, 2 with the BOGO and 1 with the free fries & drink. Oh, you thought I'd let you get the BOGO, then free fries & drink with both burgers? Um....hell no.

You have one coupon for <deal> and want 3 of them? Sorry, 2 per coupon. Oh, "that guy" let you do it last time? If you would be so kind as to give me that employee's name, I'll be happy to have a talk with him about violating company policy so that doesn't happen again So, you can't remember his name, but you're pretty sure he was a manager? Nice try. Our entire management team is female - has been for a couple of months.

Oh, and the lovely lady who came thru the DT one day and insisted that the cashier gave her the wrong change. Her total was less than $5, she gave the cashier a $5 bill, cashier put the bill on top of her till, counted out the change, handed it over, then put the bill away and closed the drawer. Customer started saying she had given her wrong change. Cashier called me over. Customer insisted she had given cashier a $10 bill. I popped the drawer open - not a single $10 in the drawer. I lifted the till to make sure it hadn't been slipped under like a bigger bill - still no $10. I tell customer. Customer insists she gave cashier $10. I grab a new drawer and swap out cashier's till for a count. Drawer comes out even to the penny. I go out and tell customer. She calls me a liar - she just came from the bank, and EVERYONE knows the bank never gives out $5 bills, so she obviously gave us a $10, and she comes through here several times a week, so why would she lie?! I go in and get the SM, inform her of the situation, she goes out and talks to customer. She is also called a liar, and customer (while waving a stack of $20's) says she hopes we're happy that we've stolen all of her money and now she's broke! Customer finally leaves.