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  • You waited to tell me this because...?

    Well this is my first posting even though I've been around for EONS [The Great Hack, the passing of Plaidman, etc...] and it figures my first story isn't even mine. Though I have tons, my fiancee's call prompted this story.

    Andias [not her name] is pretty hot. She has that 'sexy librarian' look going: long hair and glasses. works in an adult bookstore, though they rarely sell books - if you get what I'm saying. They're also open 7 days/week. Here goes...

    On Friday, a guy comes in and purchases a self-pleasuring device - one of the sleeve types. Nothing remarkable about the sale and she wished him on his merry way.

    Today, the same guy comes in and proceeds to tell her that the toy broke. Before she could ask if it was a mechanical issue - he chimes in with "It broke because I was too big for it..."

    This ain't her first time at the rodeo and if he was expecting her to blush or show emotion, the dicklet was definitely let down. She looked him in the eyes and told straight-faced "Well the best I can do is give you a 20% discount on your next purchase."

    Confused and unable to get any reaction, the SC slowly lowers his head and walks out of the store.

    We both shared the same question: Why did he wait all weekend just to tell her that? He could have come in anytime during the weekend and gotten the same discount if not a replacement from one of the idiots that work there. I figure he broke it from overuse and tried to brag to get a reaction and a possible freebie [pun intended].


    BONUS STORY: [Y'all did notice the NSFW tag on the thread? Good]

    The store used to have video booths in the back a couple years ago. There were always a couple guys in the back hanging out but you couldn't hear them from the front.

    One day Andias is in her plexiglass booth cleaning the shelves while a couple customers wander around. One guy sees her down on her knees so he whips it out in front of her!

    She notices it and in a very loud voice says "THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE SMALLEST DICK I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!"

    According to her, all the guys in the back started laughing while the guy blanched, stuffed himself back into his pants and bolted from the store.

    Yea, my girl rocks.

  • #2
    Quoth Kaibutsu View Post
    "THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE SMALLEST DICK I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!"
    How many sma

    I mean, that's an awesome line!

    Comment


    • #3


      Death was not amused that I nearly died laughing. YOU HAVE DISPLEASED ME, he said to me. (Gee, what first book of a series did I just read)

      ANYWAY! Back to seriousness.

      Working there she's probably gotten used to that, but that was just ...hehehe.
      My Guide to Oblivion

      "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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      • #4
        Listen to "Short Short Man"....lol.

        Comment


        • #5
          I never understand why idiots think the people who work in these types of stores are going to be easily embarrassed.
          When you start at zero, everything's progress.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Tama View Post


            Death was not amused that I nearly died laughing. YOU HAVE DISPLEASED ME, he said to me. (Gee, what first book of a series did I just read)

            *snip*
            Is it set on a flat world sitting on the back of 4 elephants which stand on the back of a giant turtle ... ?

            Quoth MoonCat View Post
            I never understand why idiots think the people who work in these types of stores are going to be easily embarrassed.
            Probably because they think that NOOOOOOBODY has EVER before regaled the staff with such wit as theirs ... *snore*

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Tama View Post
              Death was not amused that I nearly died laughing. YOU HAVE DISPLEASED ME, he said to me. (Gee, what first book of a series did I just read)
              That would be The Colour of Magic. (The movie is good too.) The first 32 books in the Discworld series is available here for Android devices. I've recently finished the first six.
              "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Raveni View Post
                How many sma

                I mean, that's an awesome line!
                Personally, I've always liked the line "Hey, that looks like a p*n*s, only smaller".


                Madness takes it's toll....
                Please have exact change ready.

                Comment


                • #9
                  The first person was trying to embarrass the woman, or hitting on her, or . What fail. I love the reaction of the female in the last story..that was epic
                  Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Ironclad Alibi View Post
                    That would be The Colour of Magic. (The movie is good too.) The first 32 books in the Discworld series is available here for Android devices. I've recently finished the first six.
                    Reading every book in that series is my next big reading project, after I finish my current one. Reading in released order, not by main character too.


                    Also: "SQUEAK"
                    *~*THIS SIG HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS!*~*


                    It's a strange world. Let's keep it that way.-Elijah Snow

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                    • #11
                      A friend of my daughter's had a guy expose himself to her on her college campus.

                      It was an art school.

                      All the young college women he was trying to shock were art students.

                      Daughter's friend just yawned and kept walking.
                      The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

                      The stupid is strong with this one.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Kaibutsu View Post

                        "THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE SMALLEST DICK I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!"
                        My favorite line has always been (coming from a 5 foot nothing wee little girl):

                        Mine's Bigger.
                        Me to a friend: I know I'm crazy, you know I'm crazy, the zombies at the end of the world will know I'm crazy. Thus not eating my brain for fear of ingesting the crazy. It's my survival plan.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth shankyknitter View Post
                          My favorite line has always been (coming from a 5 foot nothing wee little girl):

                          Mine's Bigger.

                          When she first started working there, Andias decided to put on one of the harnesses and stand behind the counter saying "Mine's bigger than yours."

                          It was a good joke by all until one guy offered to accept that challenge.

                          ...Andias doesn't play that game anymore.

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                          • #14
                            That is EPIC Pwnage!
                            I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
                            Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
                            Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Kaibutsu View Post
                              It was a good joke by all until one guy offered to accept that challenge.
                              Well.... Who won?

                              ^-.-^
                              Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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