The Crazy Is Strong Lately

[Chazzie]

I work at the coffee shop America runs on. I get a lot of good customers, so I like my job. I also get some weirdoes, and of course the SCs.

At Least He's Cheerful About It

There's a peculiar old man (We'll call him POM) who is a regular at my shop who is extremely religious and patriotic. I don't mind him since he's always cheerful and polite. But at the same time, I will admit he is a bit... off.

POM: "One day closer, one day closer. "
Me: (Deciding it's better off not to ask) "Sure is!"
POM: "(Deity) bless the bank robbers."
Me:
POM: "Everybody have a great day now, in the land of the free and the home of the brave."
Me: "Thank you sir, you too. "

We have this same exchange every time that he comes in. After about a half a year I finally asked my boss S what he meant by "One day closer."

S: "He means one day closer to the end of the world."
Me: " I almost told him 'Yeah, I can't wait!'"
S: (Busts a gut laughing) "Are you serious!?"

This is from today

SC: (looking at the muffins) "So, I know it says Chocolate Chip, but what is it, really?"
Me: "It's... it's definitely chocolate chip. "

I... don't even know on this one.


This Also Happened Today
Drive Thru. People never listen. I don't even think I can remember this word for word, it got so confusing.

Me: "I'm sorry, we're all out of chocolate glazed donuts, but we do have the chocolate glazed munchkins (donut holes)."
SC: "I'll take those and a chocolate frosted donut."
Me: "Sure, how many chocolate munchkins would you like?"
SC: "I said I wanted a chocolate frosted donut."
Me: "Yes, you wanted both the chocolate frosted donut and the chocolate glazed munchkins, right?"
SC: "Yes."
Me: "How many munchkins?"
SC: "I just want the chocolate frosted and the chocolate glazed."
Me: "Yes, but we're out of chocolate glazed donuts, we just have the chocolate frosted and the chocolate glazed munchkins."
SC: "I KNOW, I'M AWARE OF THAT. I JUST WANT THE DONUT AND THE MUNCHKINS."
Me: " (No really, it was over the headset for drive thru. So I banged my head against the donut case.)"

At that point I gave up, and gave her a measly 3 munchkins because she couldn't tell me how many she wanted. But you know... 3 munchkins is actually more expensive than a donut at our current prices. So I just charged her for a donut. I was doing her a favor.

When she got to the window and got her munchkins, she looked in the bag and then gave me a dirty look. She didn't say anything and still paid, but that look made my day.

Psycho Lady

A few weeks ago a middle aged woman with creepy long purple fingernails came into the store and asked me where a local old folks home was. I'd never heard of it, and she asked if I had a phone book and phone she could borrow. She seemed okay (albeit frustrated from being lost) so I handed them over to her. What I didn't realize was that underneath that normal exterior, she was a raging psychopath.

SC: "What street are we on now?"
Me: "We're on (our street)."
SC: (To the phone) "I'm on (our street). How do I get to your facility? ... NO, which way do I go to get to your facility?? Look, do I go UP, or DOWN? ... NO, UP OR DOWN? DO I GO UP OR DOWN?! UGH, I'LL FIND IT MYSELF!"

With that, she threw the phone down onto the counter and stormed out. As I was coming to get it, it started beeping, which meant she'd thrown it without even hanging up on the poor receptionist first. I briefly considered calling them back and warning them to have a security guard at the front desk when that woman got there. But I figured they probably had the same idea.

Oh... And there is no Up or Down on our street. It's completely flat and has nothing at all hinting at an upwards or downwards direction, because it's a major route.

Heavens to Betsy!

An old man came through drive thru a couple weeks ago. He wasn't sucky, just kind of funny. He had a refill mug and I wasn't aware that he had a lid for it, so after refilling it we had an awkward moment of I'm-trying-to-hand-this-200-degree-coffee-to-you-without-splashing-you-through-the-drive-thru-window. As it happened, it did spill a bit.

Me: "Oh no! I'm sorry, here, let me get you some napkins!"
Old Man: "Heavens to Betsy!"
Me: (after handing him the napkins) "Sorry about that. Have a good day, sir!"
Old Man: "You too, Betsy!"
Me: ...


Made Me Smile

Another not sucky story, but I'd still like to talk about it. I have bad teeth so I have trouble smiling- my teeth are broken and I have an overbite that makes it actually difficult to smile unless I'm smiling creepy wide. So I'll try to smile a little bit and have my voice and tone make up for it.

Me: "What can I get for you today?"
Customer: "A large smile!"

Cheesy, but it worked.

[dragon_wings]

Re the pyscho lady: maybe she was referring to up (north) and down (south) on a typical map.

And you never need an excuse to post about a customer that makes you smile.

[Pixilated]

I wonder if psycho-lady was using those extremely antiquated terms "uptown" vs "downtown". If so, she needs a time machine, because I don't think anybody uses them (or understands them!) anymore.

I can remember – a looooonnnngg time ago – using the term "downtown" to refer to My Home City's main business/shopping area, but "down" had no literal meaning since MHC is quite flat from one end to the other.

[phoenixv07]

I think down is the direction she goes to get home, really.

[Stryker One]

Upsy Daisy

SC: "What street are we on now?"
Me: "We're on (our street)."
SC: (To the phone) "I'm on (our street). How do I get to your facility? ... NO, which way do I go to get to your facility?? Look, do I go UP, or DOWN? ... NO, UP OR DOWN? DO I GO UP OR DOWN?! UGH, I'LL FIND IT MYSELF!"

Z-Axis, she thinks she's had a hover conversion installed.

Me: "Oh no! I'm sorry, here, let me get you some napkins!"
Old Man: "Heavens to Betsy!"
Me: (after handing him the napkins) "Sorry about that. Have a good day, sir!"
Old Man: "You too, Betsy!"
Me: ...

I move that from now on, Chazzie is to be referred to as "Betsy".

[Food Lady]

I think down is the direction she goes to get home, really.

I knew somebody was gonna post something like this! (I've been a member here too long).

[Pixilated]

I think down is the direction she goes to get home, really.

That's just ... eeeebil ...

[MoonCat]

I thought she meant up or down as in numbers---ascending or descending...?

And 'downtown' is an antiquated term? I know I'm old, kids, but I still hear that term used all the time around here....

[BeenThereDoneThat]

The story about up and down lady reminds me of just how bad the generation gap can be. My mom had me at 40, and when I was about 10 or so I was taking piano lessons. My mom was poor as a kid and never had the chance to do anything like that, so she thought maybe I could teach her. I started out trying to teach her about Middle C and where to put her fingers on the keyboard...but she just kept asking "Where is Do?" (as in Do Re Mi...) I was tearing my hair out. Thank you, I am very familiar with The Sound of Music - one of my favorite musicals ever actually - but when you learn to play piano from a classically trained teacher you don't learn it using Do Re Mi!!! Oh well, at least it prepared me for the future, wherein I now have to try to give her computer tech support over the phone!!

[Ironclad Alibi]

Re the pyscho lady: maybe she was referring to up (north) and down (south) on a typical map.

[JOKE]

Calling all cars going north and south on Coffee Shop Street. Coffee Shop Street runs east and west.

[/JOKE]

[dalesys]

Calling all cars going north and south on Coffee Shop Street. Coffee Shop Street runs east and west.

But the one across the street is closest!

[evilfarmer]

Re the crazy lady: my dad has a very hard time remembering his left from his right so always asked my mom " Up or Down" when she gave him directions which was which way to push to turn signal lever..He never expected anyone else to understand when giving him directions but maybe thats what she was asking since the OP stated the road is flat..*shurgs*