Gas Station Woes.

[ominousoat]

So gas has been a recurrent theme in my work life. I used to work at a gas station before working for a natural gas company. Anyhow, it was strange how many people thought that since I was a low-level, barely-paid, dead-eyed, jaded cashier that I would pretty much let them walk out the door with anything. Here's some fun ones. Also, imagine me as a short, scrawny, pasty guy who tries his best to keep a Buster Keaton expression at all times, it helps!


SC: Hey man, could you toss me a pack of Camels?
ME [knows he's underage]: Could I get your ID?
SC: MAN! Why do I need an ID if I'm not even going to pay for them?
ME: *sigh*

*****

SC by alcohol case: Hey! Could you watch the security camera and make sure it won't see me?
ME: No.
SC: Could you turn it off?
ME: No.
SC: F*** you!

****

[same SC as above, different time] Hey! Could you put some Smirnoffs outside the back door for me? (we stored all of the liquor in back...right by the freaking delivery door, brilliant!)
ME: No.
SC: MAN! I'll let you have some!
ME: No.

****

[previous employee, now sucky customer]: Hey Michael, how are you!? (syrupy sweet)
ME: Not good, working.
PE: I need some gas, could you call it in as a drive off and describe a different car?
ME: Uh, no.
PE: Well, could you at least not call the cops?
ME: NO!

*****

SC: Man, I need some money or my dealer is gonna' kill me.
ME: Uh huh... [everyone did know this guy was a meth dealer]
SC: So...
ME: What?
SC: Could you just give me some?
ME: I'm broke.
SC: From the register.
ME: No.
SC: Dude, at least overcharge customers and let me have the change.
ME: Please leave.

*****

[me in back seeing an idiot dashing behing the counter to steal a *CARTON* of Marlboros.] : DUDE! Put those back.

[idiot standing behind the counter with a very noticable bulge in his sweater pocket]: Put what back?

ME: The cigarettes perhaps?

SC: I don't have anything man.

ME: Then why are you behind the counter?

SC: I want to work here man...

*****

And my favorite moment of all time at that store didn't involve a sucky customer, but a very lousy narcotics agent, whom I will call "LNA".

LNA, doing a lousy stoner impression: Hey...um, man...do you guys have...um...uh...like...you know..."power pills" (herbal energy) with...ephedra in them?

ME, trying not to laugh, since Ephedra had just been banned, and no one in their right mind asked for it by name: Nope, they're banned.

LNA: Oh really? Bummer man...real bummer.

ME: Yeah, so you had $x.xx in gas?

LNA: Yeah man! Yeah...here you go.

ME: Have a nice day.

LNA, before he leaves: Hey man...do you smoke POT! (his eyes got comically large when he said "pot" and he said it really awkwardly)

ME: No. [*cough*]

LNA: Do you know where I could score some POT? (same inflection on "pot")

ME: No. Please leave.

LNA: [leaves and jumps into his fancy car with government plates]

ME: *laughing hysterically*

[MadMike]

People actually expected you to let them shoplift? Just when I think I've heard it all.

And the drug guy -- I have to wonder if he ever managed to bust anyone. Sounds like he really sucked at it.

[Gurndigarn]

People actually expected you to let them shoplift? Just when I think I've heard it all.

Sadly, it's not a rare occurance. Uncommon, still, in most places, but not rare.

[blas]

While I never had anyone flat out ask to shoplift.....I had some "regulars" try asking me favors, and when I did the right thing by refusing, they threatened to tell my manager how poorly I treated regulars.

Examples?

Girl's sister committed suicide. Yes, sad, I know. But she came in wanting 3 packs of cigarettes for the price of 1 because she only had enough for 1 pack and she really needed to smoke.........I told her no, she threatened to tell my manager how I made her day worse.....her fucking sister died and I wouldn't do her a favor. That didn't fly with my manager, lol....she was very proud of me for saying no.

One of my friends who is under 21 wanted beer. I said absolutely not. He got angry with me. I also had underage friends come in and think I was going to sell them ciggs and beer anyways....yah right. Goes to show who your true friends are.

People who NEEDED to get to work 20 miles away but only had a few bucks and really really really needed more gas, could they please pay for it later? Uh huh....sure. Yeah right.

[Bella_Vixen]

People actually expected you to let them shoplift?

If you intend to shoplift, please let us know.

[Becks]

Ominousoat, your customers have some testicular fortitude, don't they?

Holy biscuit.

[CrazedClerk]

Man that ex-coworker of yours was an ass.

[Decker]

[me in back seeing an idiot dashing behing the counter to steal a *CARTON* of Marlboros.] : DUDE! Put those back.

[idiot standing behind the counter with a very noticable bulge in his sweater pocket]: Put what back?

ME: The cigarettes perhaps?

SC: I don't have anything man.

ME: Then why are you behind the counter?

SC: I want to work here man...

This is probably the best response I've heard out of a busted shop-lifter ever!

[bigjimaz]

My gas station woes came years ago. I'm talking late 1960's to early 1970's. Those of you that remember rationing and how they used the last digit of your license plate number (odd/even) to determine when you were able to purchase gas should remember these. For you “youngins” this was before there was even such a thing as unleaded gas or self-service pumps. (Pumping your own gas, at the time, was illegal.) Damn, I feel really old right now.

Many gas stations had 2 separate areas where you could either just get your gas, or you could pay a bit more (10 - 15¢ per gallon) and get full service, ie: windows washed, tire pressure and oil checked, etc and even get something free, like a tiger tail for your antenna or plastic horseshoes for your trunklid. Kiddies, this was just an advertising gimmick for Esso (now Exxon) and Gulf Oil.

Invariably there would be someone pull into the gas only lane and lean out the window and yell for me to check the oil or ‘get the windshield’ to which my reply was always, “We don’t do that at this island, Sorry.” Most realized that they had pulled to the wrong set of pumps to get anything beyond me filling their tanks. There were a few that insisted that since they were paying all this money (59¢ per gallon at this set of pumps) for gas that they deserved the same service as everyone else (meaning the people who pulled to the full service pumps and were paying 74¢ per gallon). I ignored them for the most part but sometimes when they spouted their entitlement crap I just turned my back and adjusted the gas nozzle to barely a trickle making their 10 gallon fill take as long as 10 minutes.

Then, a bit later in my career, gas prices went up and topped the 99.9¢ capabilities of most pumps, causing many stations to set the pump price at half of the sale price and just doubling the price on the pump. What I mean, for you younger people, is that if the price of gas on the sign read $1.02 for a gallon, the pump was set at .51¢ and whatever the dollar amount read on the pump we doubled it. I agree it was confusing but what could we do until new pumps were installed? This brought out the math idiots. And it also caused me to get angry, having to explain why the pump said X and the sign said XX 100 times a day.

But, by far, the biggest SC’s were born when the government forced gasoline companies to start making and selling unleaded gas, but I will save this for another thread.

[Luckymom]

So gas has been a recurrent theme in my work life.

I'm sorry but I couldn't help the kid in me when I laughed at this phrase.

I will say working in a gas station can really toughen you up for customer service. especially if it is in a small redneck town where every highschool girls dream is to get married the summer after graduation.

[ahanix1989]

Wow, were kids smoking crack outside your store or something?

[ominousoat]

...especially if it is in a small redneck town where every highschool girls dream is to get married the summer after graduation.

Yup, same here, redneck town. Only sadly since no one was willing to marry a lot of the girls right away they usually ended up purposely getting themselves pregnant and roping the unwitting male into a marriage.

Such an interesting town...

Wow, were kids smoking crack outside your store or something?

I'm not sure, but one of my ex co-workers did deal outside of our store.

People actually expected you to let them shoplift?

A lot of the people that tried to get me to let them shoplift were the "cool" jock kids in town, so naturally their approval was worth possibly losing my job and endangering my future.

[Kara]

I always like when guys would come in to the store in the middle of July wearing a heavy winter coat. Everywhere they look, there are employees peering around corners and popping up from behind shelves.

When I worked at Kroger, my store manager was big into busting shoplifters. She would spot them, then call the police, then wait patiently by the door for them to leave. Keep in mind, this woman was only about 4'9 and probably 100 lbs, and about 50 years old. The second the offender stepped outside, be they male or female, she literally flew out the door, tackled them, and pinned them to the ground until the police came. I saw her subdue guys 4 times her size.

One time this lady came in with a large trash bag and was strolling down the aisles filling it with everything she could grab as though the whole store couldn't figure out what was going on.

[zzapp the witch]

The pot story made me think of a friend of mine and the strange emphasis he puts on the word POT. He's an older fella, and hurts a lot, so his elderly dad drives him everywhere.....yes, its odd.

"C'mon dad, I've been good. Take me down to get some POT."

"I need to get some POT this weekend."

And when he says POT its a really short, blurp of a word, spit out at high velocity. And his eyes bulge when he says it.

I wonder if he's making fun of some narc he's run into......I'm gonna have to ask him now, why he says it like that. LOL

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

SC: Hey man, could you toss me a pack of Camels?
ME [knows he's underage]: Could I get your ID?
SC: MAN! Why do I need an ID if I'm not even going to pay for them?
ME: *sigh*

Insert sound of screeching tires and violent car crash...seems some of my brain cells drove themselves straight into the path of an oncoming semi

SC by alcohol case: Hey! Could you watch the security camera and make sure it won't see me?
ME: No.
SC: Could you turn it off?
ME: No.
SC: F*** you!

Insert sound of explosion as the wreckage has erupted into a giant fireball

[previous employee, now sucky customer]: Hey Michael, how are you!? (syrupy sweet)
ME: Not good, working.
PE: I need some gas, could you call it in as a drive off and describe a different car?
ME: Uh, no.
PE: Well, could you at least not call the cops?
ME: NO!

Now the few surviving brain cells are running and flailing around while covered in flames.

SC: Man, I need some money or my dealer is gonna' kill me.
ME: Uh huh... [everyone did know this guy was a meth dealer]
SC: So...
ME: What?
SC: Could you just give me some?
ME: I'm broke.
SC: From the register.
ME: No.
SC: Dude, at least overcharge customers and let me have the change.
ME: Please leave.

Seems the flaming brain cells have now run into the path of an oncoming car and gotten run over. Oh noes!

[me in back seeing an idiot dashing behing the counter to steal a *CARTON* of Marlboros.] : DUDE! Put those back.

[idiot standing behind the counter with a very noticable bulge in his sweater pocket]: Put what back?

ME: The cigarettes perhaps?

SC: I don't have anything man.

ME: Then why are you behind the counter?

SC: I want to work here man...

And now the fire has spread to the oncoming car and its gas tank has blown.

That's about 8452 brain cells dead, many more injured. Owie.