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This is an actual letter that I received, hand delivered (you will see why) that was going to the editor of our local paper about a month ago: (The names and places have been changed for privacy)
(I work at the second store mentioned in this lovely letter)
To the Editor:
When I relocated to Canima last summer, my new husband - an 11-year, full-time resident - told me to get used to the easygoing, always-helping-out, small town atmosphere of this coastal paradise.
Hmmm.
This is what happened to me last week during one, 15-minute period of running errands:
At the Canima Copy Center, I was making one copy of a nine-page, stapled document. I was careful to put each piece of paper face down on the glass and completely close the cover
. As I was copying, the owner came over and firmly told me that he was going to charge me for nine copies per page because "The copier can feel the sensitivity of all of the paper you have on top of it." Huh? I guess it means that Canima Copy doesn't care if customers deface books - after all, if someone comes in to copy a few pages out of a 200-page textbook, that customer better tear out those pages. Otherwise, he'll undoubtably get charged for 200 copies for each single page copied
Armed with plenty of mutt mitts, my next stop was walking my senior dog down Main St. In front of the Jewelry store, my dog took a quick urination break next to a bush. The sidewalk was not affected . As soon as he finished, a salesman came out of the store, glared at me with a bit of an evil eye thrown in, then went back in, slamming the door as hard as he could.
Last stop - the post office. What could possibly go wrong here? I had several letters to mail that required extra postage - and one stubborn envelope whose adhesive didn't want to stick . When I asked the clerk for a piece of tape - a dispenser was sitting smack next to her - she told me that I needed to go down the street to the pharmacy to buy tape, because "This tape is private. I had to buy it myself." Does she say this to everyone who asks for a three-inch piece of tape? Or do her Canima pals get access to her stash? And, if the tape is hers alone, why does she have it out in plain view? I do know this: post offices in both Mannor Way and Long Olives provide dispensers of tape on their counters for everyone to use... no matter who they are.
Just curious: are obviously well heeled tourists treated this way as well? Welcome to the friendly town of Canima!
Sincerely,
Hillary Clinton, Canima
Ok, so who in the hell does she think she is. I love how innocent she wrote herself to be. Now here is the letter that I sent to her (and would have sent to the editor had her rant been posted) shortly after:
To the Editor:
In regards to Mrs. Hilary Clinton’s assessment of our town of Canima. I would like to respond to a few things about “the easygoing, always-helping-out, small town atmosphere of this coastal paradise”
Hmmm.
I grew up in Canima, so I know if you have to get used to it, you are obviously not an “easygoing” person. Things here are slower paced. If you were to actually do all of these things in 15 minutes, you must have been in quite a hurry, at least until you let your “senior” dog have a “urination break”.
First up, Canima Copy Center. I think you have your facts a little mixed up, because a copy runs you (and anyone else) 5 cents regardless. What the gentleman was trying to tell you is that the machine senses the extra pages and when you push down on the cover it is harder on the machine. No one is suggesting you deface books nor are they going to charge you for “200 copies for each single page copied”. Please be a little realistic.
Ok, now on to the second stop, walking your “senior” dog on Main Street. Now I don’t care if you have mutt mitts or a baseball mitt, allowing your dog to urinate in someone's flower bed (a flower bed that is professionally maintained and privately paid for, I might add) is not exactly “helping-out”, in fact it’s quite rude. The sidewalk may not have been affected, but the aeonium arboreum variety atropurpurea certainly did not enjoy this sort of watering. Most people would have done more than glare at you and slammed their door, they would have asked you not to let your dog have a “urination break” no matter how quick it was. How would you like your neighbors’ dogs urinating in your flowers? On a side note; across the street there is plenty of open grass and unkempt land where no one would care if your dog had his break, in fact they might actually thank you for being so courteous. On top of that, this fine community put together a wonderful dog park, where your “senior” dog can run (oh, excuse me, walk), make friends, and even indulge in a long “urination break”.
Lastly, who could forget the post office? I do a lot of business at this post office. Do you have any idea how many people ask for tape? Do you realize that she does buy that tape with her own money? Her “Canima pals” know that quite well and don’t ask for tape. I mean, come on, do you really think this is some weird tape conspiracy? The post office has enough to deal with day in and day out without taping up your stubborn envelope. Maybe if you sealed your envelopes at home this wouldn’t have been an issue. If you like the post offices in Mannor Way and Long Olives please, by all means, steal their tape, and while you’re out there, take your dog so he can urinate in their flower beds.
Well-heeled or not, people here are treated the way they treat others. While our small town might thrive on well-heeled tourists, our bushes, however, thrive on well-heeled dogs.
Christopher Paul, a not so well-heeled Canima resident.
(I work at the second store mentioned in this lovely letter)
To the Editor:
When I relocated to Canima last summer, my new husband - an 11-year, full-time resident - told me to get used to the easygoing, always-helping-out, small town atmosphere of this coastal paradise.
Hmmm.
This is what happened to me last week during one, 15-minute period of running errands:
At the Canima Copy Center, I was making one copy of a nine-page, stapled document. I was careful to put each piece of paper face down on the glass and completely close the cover
. As I was copying, the owner came over and firmly told me that he was going to charge me for nine copies per page because "The copier can feel the sensitivity of all of the paper you have on top of it." Huh? I guess it means that Canima Copy doesn't care if customers deface books - after all, if someone comes in to copy a few pages out of a 200-page textbook, that customer better tear out those pages. Otherwise, he'll undoubtably get charged for 200 copies for each single page copiedArmed with plenty of mutt mitts, my next stop was walking my senior dog down Main St. In front of the Jewelry store, my dog took a quick urination break next to a bush. The sidewalk was not affected
. As soon as he finished, a salesman came out of the store, glared at me with a bit of an evil eye thrown in, then went back in, slamming the door as hard as he could.Last stop - the post office. What could possibly go wrong here? I had several letters to mail that required extra postage - and one stubborn envelope whose adhesive didn't want to stick
. When I asked the clerk for a piece of tape - a dispenser was sitting smack next to her - she told me that I needed to go down the street to the pharmacy to buy tape, because "This tape is private. I had to buy it myself." Does she say this to everyone who asks for a three-inch piece of tape? Or do her Canima pals get access to her stash? And, if the tape is hers alone, why does she have it out in plain view? I do know this: post offices in both Mannor Way and Long Olives provide dispensers of tape on their counters for everyone to use... no matter who they are.Just curious: are obviously well heeled tourists treated this way as well? Welcome to the friendly town of Canima!
Sincerely,
Hillary Clinton, Canima
Ok, so who in the hell does she think she is. I love how innocent she wrote herself to be. Now here is the letter that I sent to her (and would have sent to the editor had her rant been posted) shortly after:
To the Editor:
In regards to Mrs. Hilary Clinton’s assessment of our town of Canima. I would like to respond to a few things about “the easygoing, always-helping-out, small town atmosphere of this coastal paradise”
Hmmm.
I grew up in Canima, so I know if you have to get used to it, you are obviously not an “easygoing” person. Things here are slower paced. If you were to actually do all of these things in 15 minutes, you must have been in quite a hurry, at least until you let your “senior” dog have a “urination break”.
First up, Canima Copy Center. I think you have your facts a little mixed up, because a copy runs you (and anyone else) 5 cents regardless. What the gentleman was trying to tell you is that the machine senses the extra pages and when you push down on the cover it is harder on the machine. No one is suggesting you deface books nor are they going to charge you for “200 copies for each single page copied”. Please be a little realistic.
Ok, now on to the second stop, walking your “senior” dog on Main Street. Now I don’t care if you have mutt mitts or a baseball mitt, allowing your dog to urinate in someone's flower bed (a flower bed that is professionally maintained and privately paid for, I might add) is not exactly “helping-out”, in fact it’s quite rude. The sidewalk may not have been affected, but the aeonium arboreum variety atropurpurea certainly did not enjoy this sort of watering. Most people would have done more than glare at you and slammed their door, they would have asked you not to let your dog have a “urination break” no matter how quick it was. How would you like your neighbors’ dogs urinating in your flowers? On a side note; across the street there is plenty of open grass and unkempt land where no one would care if your dog had his break, in fact they might actually thank you for being so courteous. On top of that, this fine community put together a wonderful dog park, where your “senior” dog can run (oh, excuse me, walk), make friends, and even indulge in a long “urination break”.
Lastly, who could forget the post office? I do a lot of business at this post office. Do you have any idea how many people ask for tape? Do you realize that she does buy that tape with her own money? Her “Canima pals” know that quite well and don’t ask for tape. I mean, come on, do you really think this is some weird tape conspiracy? The post office has enough to deal with day in and day out without taping up your stubborn envelope. Maybe if you sealed your envelopes at home this wouldn’t have been an issue. If you like the post offices in Mannor Way and Long Olives please, by all means, steal their tape, and while you’re out there, take your dog so he can urinate in their flower beds.
Well-heeled or not, people here are treated the way they treat others. While our small town might thrive on well-heeled tourists, our bushes, however, thrive on well-heeled dogs.
Christopher Paul, a not so well-heeled Canima resident.
I could become a rich man very quickly. 
WELCOME 
) But I still got to admit the post office thing is a bit off (LOL!), assuming she is telling the truth and just wanted a small bit of tape.
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