You can't do that in retail

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Oh wait...I already did.

Take A Letter Maria

To the Hosebag Who Bitched Me Out Because We Had Valentines Day Products On The Shelves, The Very Nerve:


This is because Christmas is only 4 days away, we have fuck-all left for Christmas stuff left to sell, and we can't just leave the shelves go empty to spare you the pain and mental anguish of looking at hearts and cupids and love things that you probably have no use for anyway.

What's that, you say? I should get coal in my stocking this Christmas? Well then, I hope you get Slim Fast, whitening strips and Jillian Michaels DVDs in yours. Be gone.

Take Another Letter Maria:

To The Crotchety Old Geezer Complaining To Me Because Our Store Is Too Big And You Can't Find Anything You Poor Old Skinbag:

Our sherpas are on vacation. Your only other choices for dish towels in this town are Walmart, which is even larger and more confusing that we are, and Kohls which is probably outside of your price range anyway.

I offered to walk you over to the dish towels and you snapped at me and turned on your heel and walked away. Merry Christmas to you too. I hope you find an elf impaled on your white picket fence.

Grab a Coffee Maria; I've Got This:

To My Co-workers, Particularly The Useless Meat Byproducts I Call Seasonal Help:

Each and every day you remind me why homicide should not only be legal in some cases but also justified.

I had a big list of projects to get to today, most of them involving shoving as many toys, electronics, and appliances as possible out to the salesfloor because people are mindlessly throwing their money at the first shiny object they see so they can cross another name off their gift-giving lists. I did not get to them, because of the 550 SKUs in autopull, the three flatbeds and shopping carts filled with stuff pulled last night and not filled, and the two carts of returns shoved in the backroom instead of reshelved last night.

All of which I had to do All By Myself. In addition to carryouts and carts, because nobody else felt like doing them today.

Once again, as I have pretty much since the minute I got back here in time for Thanksgiving and Black Friday, I find myself wishing you'd be run over by a reindeer. Or a speeding bus.

Two more days, two more days.....I'm not going to make it.

[RootedPhoenix]

*hands Irv a plate of cookies and chocolate*

[Android Kaeli]

At Random Craft Store, we already have a few spring things in but, surprisingly, no Valentines yet -- but it's coming. So is Easter. Just waiting for the compliants to come in.

*adds some fudge to the plate*

[Slayer]

You'll make it! Keep counting down and it'll work out. Hopefully lol!

We already have our Val stuff in the back store. We have to wait until we do the Xmas returns to put them out which will be just before NYs

[XCashier]

I hope you find an elf impaled on your white picket fence.

Aw, what'd the elf do to deserve that? Better the old geezer impales himself on the fence.

I did not get to them, because of the 550 SKUs in autopull, the three flatbeds and shopping carts filled with stuff pulled last night and not filled, and the two carts of returns shoved in the backroom instead of reshelved last night.

All of which I had to do All By Myself. In addition to carryouts and carts, because nobody else felt like doing them today.

Does management know that you are doing this all by your lonesome, and the seasonal help is as useful as a screen door on a submarine? That's not fair at all, and it's past time management stepped in and lit a fire under them; what are they being paid for if they're not bothering to work?

:adds fresh-baked pumpkin pasties to the cookie plate and a generous shot of irish cream liquor to the hot chocolate:

[Bunny the Veggie Slayer]

We've taken on around half a dozen new hires since August. None of them believe me when I tell them the Easter eggs will be arriving on the first delivery after Xmas.

[MoonCat]

Oooh, I hate seeing Valentines on Dec. 27th! But I expect it.

That reminds me. This is the time of year I usually remind my manager that we should get the Valentines promo in the paper. In keeping with tradition, he says that's a good idea and then it doesn't happen. Until, say, Jan. 15th. I think I just won't bother. Nobody listens, anyway.

[Dark Psion]

Aw, what'd the elf do to deserve that? Better the old geezer impales himself on the fence.

This sounds like a job for Krampus!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krampus

[earl colby pottinger]

Question, when did the Christmas stuff first go out? If I remember VD is less than 2 months away, where-as I saw Christmas stuff on the shelves of some stores almost 3 months early. IE the day after Halloween.

Did I get my timing right?

[Kristev]

Puts hot cocoa on the plate, with marshmellows. Also puts gingerbread shoppers. You can bite their heads off without getting fired.

[Pixilated]

*hands Irv some homemade chocolate chip cookies*

Hang in there, Irv! A couple of more days and it's over.

And as someone who didn't manage to find a seasonal job this year ... *sigh* ... I'm sorry you've got such a crop of ineffectual nitwits. Wishing you better luck next year ...

[Slayer]

Question, when did the Christmas stuff first go out? If I remember VD is less than 2 months away, where-as I saw Christmas stuff on the shelves of some stores almost 3 months early. IE the day after Halloween.

Did I get my timing right?

We started some items just before Halloween to fill up the empty promo shelves. Everything was put out right after Halloween. Which is 2 months. I'm sure other places might have been at or around the beginning of October (for your 3 months) but I didn't notice.

Where I work, major card store displays the news ornaments in July. Which I love lol.

[Marmalady]

Also puts gingerbread shoppers. You can bite their heads off without getting fired.

I wonder of our in-store bakery would make some of these for us?

[Engmfj]

Also puts gingerbread shoppers. You can bite their heads off without getting fired.

That's absolutely brilliant!

ETA: We don't have halloween around here, though it's starting to emerge as yet another way to sell crappy merchandise and earn money in some stores. So Christmas stuff is out at the beginning of October here. Ugh.

[Mr Hero]

This is because Christmas is only 4 days away, we have fuck-all left for Christmas stuff left to sell, and we can't just leave the shelves go empty to spare you the pain and mental anguish of looking at hearts and cupids and love things that you probably have no use for anyway.

And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? This concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us!