T'was the night before christmas... (long)

[ackmeow]

As I was doing the lottery superstition post I remembered this doozy from yesterday. Since it's christmas day, I'll format it appropriately.

Twas the night before christmas and at our booth
the customer lineups were right through the roof.
The lottery ringing, the clinking of metal,
the gamblers wishing their debts would be settled.

With keys in my pocket and notepad in hand
I was stocking the pop cart to fill our demand
when suddenly out of the blue I did see
a customer who I presumed was thirsty.

Now, before I continue, A quip I shall tell-
Our stockroom for pop is hotter than hell.
it is wall to wall concrete, not an air vent in sight
and it's continuing usage I'm attempting to fight.

So this customer spies my pop cart and me,
and he voices a question: "Can I buy drinks from thee?"
I answer affirmative, give him a pop
and take his proffer, not bothering to stop.

Then a tap on the shoulder! Annoyance does flare!
The customer's giving yours truly a glare!
"This pop isn't cold!" He says with a frown.
And the bottle was open. I smirk at the clown.

"I just came from the stockroom. What did you expect?
If you're thinking I won't refund you, you're correct.
You opened the bottle, I can't sell it now.
such an action, my boss just wouldn't allow."

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks turned to roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a flower
like the ass of a puppy just ate something sour.

He was angry and peeved, a right grumpy old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A narrow of eye and a twist of his neck
gave me first hand impressions I was in for some heck.

He threatened to charge me with theft, citing laws.
I pocket the money and reveal my jaws.
"Just try it." I say, moving past him with speed,
Ignoring his assertions of corruption and greed.

He sprang to my heels, and his voice turned to pleading
For the change for the bus he exclaimed he'll be needing
But I stood my ground hard and refused his request
and my temper was possibly thinning, at best.

So after a while, much to his chagrin,
the customer decided that he would give in.
But I heard him exclaim, his voice full of ire,
"Happy Christmas you bastard! May you die in a fire!"

[NorthernZel]

First of all:



Second of all: When you "pocketed his change" does it mean you refused to refund or you refused to give change back on, say, a bill?

[ackmeow]

The pop cost 2.25. He gave me exact. I refused his refund.

[NorthernZel]

Ok, thanks for clarifying.

Have another round of applause

[ackmeow]

Fixed the poem so it doesn't look like I stole the customer's change. Bad Ackmeow. Bad.

[HappyFun Ball]

Oh Bravo!

[NorthernZel]

Fixed the poem so it doesn't look like I stole the customer's change. Bad Ackmeow. Bad.

Oh, no need to apologize, it's just me to whom English is a second language, that's why I needed a clarification on that.

[XCashier]

Christmas is the season for waxing poetic, and you did a great turn on an old classic.

Though to be fair, I would've warned the guy that the soda was warm before selling it to him. Unless you did, and couldn't find a way to squeeze that in.

[ackmeow]

I didn't, and I paid for my hubris. Of course, If you saw someone with a stack of pop 6 feet high, transporting it to a store on a rickety cart, would you think it cold?

EDIT: I think we all know the answer to that question.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Nicely done...both the poem and the story behind it

[EricKei]

Truly wonderful ^_^

[downforit2008]

Ha ha ha! What a classic! And it perfectly describes these idiot moron customers these days.

"My drink isn't cold. Boo-hoo-hoo!" Great job turning him down!

[wolfie]

Presumably he'd have to hold the bottle/can in one hand in order to open it. Why didn't he notice that it was warm THEN, when it was still factory-sealed and you could have refunded his money?

Can't recall where I heard it, but one bar cut complaints of "this beer is warm" down to nothing at their off-sales. They posted two prices - "Cold beer $x.xx", and "Warm beer $(x+2).xx".