Wherein We Ruin Many A Christmas

[Stryker One]

Christmases Ruined: 8

SC: “Well you’re not much help either!”

Indeed, I am not. As I cannot figure out anyway to overcome the obstacles you have created for yourself. I cannot assist with a lock out to begin with. However, you’ve gone the extra mile and locked yourself out on Christmas eve then somehow managed to not actually have your name on the lease for the apartment you’re trying to get back into. Thus ending up with the building’s concierge forbidding you entry as well. As I cannot retroactively forge legal documents, I fear you are very much correct. I am not of much help. For this, I fully apologize. I will put in a request with our management to have additional training in clandestine illegalities.

Yes, ma'am. I'm aware I'm ruining Christmas.

Can you say "illegal sublet"?

[Sapphire Silk]

"Unit number Eskimo?" Are you sure this wasn't a Russian spy call that went horribly wrong?

No, that was someone so horribly high the brain cells were short circuiting.

[Teefies2]

Oh My $Diety!

Well it was worth the wait!!!!

I laughed so hard I cried, which made the dogs circle around me, whining. Then I guffawed so LOUD I woke up the hubster (which ain't easy to do)

Gravekeeper, I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jester]

It must be difficult wandering around with a brain the size of a walnut, but rest assured, when it comes to my callers, you’re frankly not alone.

I think you're overestimating the brain size of many of your callers, actually. Some of them could only WISH for that much gray matter!

But making such a commitment on my part would require the possibility of pulling off a Christmas miracle. If I had the capability to pull off such a thing, I would not be wasting it on getting you the Christmas gifts you totally forgot to order. I would, instead, wish for an clandestine Russian submarine mission in the arctic to go dangerously wrong resulting in the phone lines across the seabed being completely severed by an errant torpedo. Cutting off the phone service of all of arctic Canada for several weeks until they can be fully repaired.

And here's the difference between GK and myself. Because if *I* had such capabilities for miracles, I would wish for Megan Fox in my lap in a bikini.

Or less.

But then, I'm pretty simple like that.

And to quote GK, "Please, Santa?"

SC: “I ordered something 3 months ago and I’m still waiting for it to arrive”

If you haven’t received your package, it means that some poor, brave postal worker is currently a rigid corpsicle somewhere on the arctic tundra.

Oh, HELL! I had no idea that I, too, might be endangering the life of some random postal worker.

Because, you see, I ordered something online about three months ago, and have not yet received it. Keep meaning to contact the company in question, but haven't gotten around to it quite yet. But then, I live in the tropics, not the tundra....so is the postal worker still in the same kind of mortal danger?

My conscience and I were just wondering.

Are you blaming me for not being Bob?

On New Year's Day, actually saw a bitch girl get pissy with a bartender at the bar we were drinking at because he was not the bartender she was expecting to be working at that bar at that time. Like it's the bartender's fault that he was not someone else. And she proceeded to be obnoxious about it the whole time she was there. But that girl is a piece of work that I'll be telling y'all about in another thread soon, as she managed to get fired from MY job for a truly astounding reason, after having worked there only about five seconds or so. (Here's a hint: it had nothing to do with anything she actually did at my bar while on the job....)

4. No, we celebrate Nunavutskaya, in which we go outdoors with a compass, proceed south until we encounter a human of another nationality, and get him/her drunk. It's a lot of fun - try it some time.

I am glad I am not Canadian. As traveling south more than three miles would mean I would be very wet, living on an island as I do. And while I may well encounter people of different nationalities on this island, if I actually had to go until I came to someone IN another nation, I think I'd be in Cuba. Literally. Check the map.

Aerosmith? No, I can't see that... The Bee Gees, yes, but not Aerosmith.

"You can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk...."

Yep. I can TOTALLY picture that!

[Kristev]

On the other hand, you know you're saving Christmas for the people who get what the ones who scream you're ruining Christmas want, don't you?

[vikingchyk]

Facebutt

Attention People of Broadway: Your friend does not look like “omigard, I know, right? Totally!” Ryan Seacrest. At all. Not even slightly. I hate to burst your bubble but I’ve been listening to all 3 of you squeal about this for the last 5 minutes and I feel compelled to inject some measure of reality. He does not look like Ryan Seacrest, not even in a “post terrible accident face reconstructed by a team of expert doctors” sort of way. Your friend looks like someone shaved half of a peach and sprayed it with a thin layer of fake tan and Crisco. He even kind of has that “sort of looks like a butt” thing that peaches have.

Soooo... you're saying he's better looking than Ryan Seacrest?

[Becks]

“Unit number Eskimo”

Isn't that the name of Tupac's next posthumous greatest hits CD?

[downforit2008]

"Do you celebrate Christmas in Canada?"

Obviously, it was some stupid customer who was still pissed about why Canada doesn't celebrate Black Friday. I would've hung up on someone like that and then laugh my ass off for the rest of the week!

[BeenThereDoneThat]

So many countries seem to celebrate Boxing Day or the equivalent on December 26...I've actually had people (friends, even) sound surprised when I tell them the US doesn't. Now, granted, in a year like 2011 when Christmas Day was on a Sunday, a lot of places closed Monday - it was officially a federal holiday - but otherwise, it's usually just another day for a lot of folks.

BTW, just speaking for myself...I do not and have never celebrated Black Friday

[Grumpy]

I sincerely could not care less that I have ruined your grandchildren's Christmas because you selected the wrong shipping option and never bothered to double check the order or the order confirmation email. I am also willing to put down good money that they could not care less either seeing as you bought them scarfs.

All of nature joins with me in singing your praises for understanding the importance of the word "not" in the phrase "could not care less"!

[GRAMMAR NAZI] Mark my words: Someday you will all see me on the news because I snapped when someone said "I could care less" when they meant "I could not care less". [/GRAMMAR NAZI]

[Becks]

[GRAMMAR NAZI] Mark my words: Someday you will all see me on the news because I snapped when someone said "I could care less" when they meant "I could not care less". [/GRAMMAR NAZI]

Can I join you when you do that?

[Jester]

I do not and have never celebrated Black Friday.

I, on the other hand, have. But not in the typical way. No, I have celebrated Black Friday in the same way I have occasionally celebrated Christmas Eve....by heading to the mall.

Not to shop, mind you. But to grab a drink from the food court and just sit down, relax, and watch all the shoppers go completely fucking batshit...knowing that I was not even vaguely part of that insanity.

Very relaxing to do, when it's a spectator sport.

Just a thought.

[XCashier]

Very relaxing to do, when it's a spectator sport.

Just a thought.

I'll have to try it sometime, if I can ever get the hell out of retail.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Yeah, I have to ditto what XCashier said...it just hits too close to home for me at the moment. But maybe someday...

[EricKei]

Can I join you when you do that?

Eeep, now you're reminding me f one of my HS teachers -- Whenever anyone asked "Can I go to the bathroom?", he responded, "Well of course you can"....When the student got up, the teacher invariably interrupted him with "Wait! You didn't ask if you may..."