These are a few I've gathered up.
Ahem.
I have a line at my register about three people long and I hear from behind me a very very loud "AHEM" sound. When I turn around I have my eyes pretty much as wide as they can go and my eyebrows saying "Who dares disturb my customer service?"
SC: I WANT TO HAVE--
Me: *turns back around and finishes the man's transaction.
SC: *startled* HEY, I WANT TO HAVE--
Me: How are you doing today? (talking to the woman who's next in line)
SC: *grumbling and bitching but not moving*
Me: *calling out to CW,* CW, could you help...this...?
CW:
Coffee?
SC: Your coffee is out.
Me: That's funny, I just put that out, there should be three pots in there.
SC: Well it's gone, I'll wait while you make more.
Me: Were you pushing or pulling on the lever?
SC: Don't you think I know how to get my damn coffee?
Me: ...*twitch* Pushing? Or Pulling?
SC: Pushing.
Me: *takes cup and pulls lever, coffee gleefully spills out*
SC: Oh...
Tea?
This one wasn't sucky but the history of this pumper lid on top of the tea canister has made us really mad, we've had several customers come in and NEVER SAY ANYTHING and then complain on the site. They say that we're out of tea and nobody makes it for them but THEY NEVER SAID ANYTHING AND THERE IS ALWAYS TEA. *grumble grumble*
Confused Woman: There's no tea in this one...?
Me: Huh, nobody buys tea so that's--*suddenly remembers* OOOOOH, that one's broken and they haven't gotten us a replacement, lemme just switch out the pumper with another one and there you are.
Confused Woman: Oh that's wonderful! Hmmm, I wonder why they haven't gotten you a new one yet. That seems odd.
Me: I'm just glad you ASKED.
Rewards Card =/= Gift Card Redux
SC: I had gas on pump seven *hands me gift card* and I want to use my points.
Me: *waiting patiently for her to hand me her rewards card*
SC: ...
Me: ...
SC: What are you doing? I'm going to pay in cash.
Me: *shows her the gift card* Well then I'll need your Reward's card.
SC: *stares at gift card, looks into wallet, finds rewards card* Oh, why did you have that then?! *shoves rewards at me*
Me:
Confusing...
Out-of-it Man: Here, I want to use this for my gas on pump two. *hands me competitor rewards card that is blue (ours is red).
Me: I'll need a [store] rewards card then. *tries to hand it back to him.*
OM: This isn't a [thanksgiving dinner on a knoll]?
Me: No. This is [store].
OM: You're sure.
Me: *looks down at my shirt that has the name, the tv behind me which has the name, takes my hat off and looks at it which has the name* Yes sir, pretty darn sure. Would you like a [store] rewards card instead?
Pet Peeves
My CW has a tendency to get mad at certain pet peeves and oftentimes if she confronts a customer the customer will never do the pet peeve ever again and surprisingly enough it almost never results in a complaint or argument (but admittedly it sometimes can.)
These pet peeves include:
Scanning your own rewards card. Not only has corporate forbade us from allowing customers to do this they have given us no power in which to enforce this. This is annoying because customers will sneakily do it and have to practically dive over the wide counter in order to do it. I've actually had a guy accidental boob graze me by doing this and I'll tell you what--he never did it again. I think it was the look of abject horror on my face and me holding my offended boob. We've taken to lifting up the scanners ever-so-slightly with a folded paper so they will not scan without the trigger being pulled so when they try to scan their card it does nothing. Then when we come back from getting their cigarettes we will then scan the card ourselves.
Throwing your money on the counter. My favorite thing she does is when she tells customers it's unlucky for them to throw their money on the counter instead of putting it in her outstretched hand. She tells them that they might want to pick it up off the counter and put it in her palm or they might get into some horrific car accident on the way out of the parking lot. (Said in the most concerned and polite of voices.) Nearly 90% of them actually pick up the money and give it to her.
Ahem.
I have a line at my register about three people long and I hear from behind me a very very loud "AHEM" sound. When I turn around I have my eyes pretty much as wide as they can go and my eyebrows saying "Who dares disturb my customer service?"
SC: I WANT TO HAVE--
Me: *turns back around and finishes the man's transaction.
SC: *startled* HEY, I WANT TO HAVE--
Me: How are you doing today? (talking to the woman who's next in line)
SC: *grumbling and bitching but not moving*
Me: *calling out to CW,* CW, could you help...this...?
CW:

Coffee?
SC: Your coffee is out.
Me: That's funny, I just put that out, there should be three pots in there.
SC: Well it's gone, I'll wait while you make more.
Me: Were you pushing or pulling on the lever?
SC: Don't you think I know how to get my damn coffee?
Me: ...*twitch* Pushing? Or Pulling?
SC: Pushing.
Me: *takes cup and pulls lever, coffee gleefully spills out*
SC: Oh...
Tea?
This one wasn't sucky but the history of this pumper lid on top of the tea canister has made us really mad, we've had several customers come in and NEVER SAY ANYTHING and then complain on the site. They say that we're out of tea and nobody makes it for them but THEY NEVER SAID ANYTHING AND THERE IS ALWAYS TEA. *grumble grumble*

Confused Woman: There's no tea in this one...?
Me: Huh, nobody buys tea so that's--*suddenly remembers* OOOOOH, that one's broken and they haven't gotten us a replacement, lemme just switch out the pumper with another one and there you are.
Confused Woman: Oh that's wonderful! Hmmm, I wonder why they haven't gotten you a new one yet. That seems odd.
Me: I'm just glad you ASKED.
Rewards Card =/= Gift Card Redux
SC: I had gas on pump seven *hands me gift card* and I want to use my points.
Me: *waiting patiently for her to hand me her rewards card*
SC: ...
Me: ...
SC: What are you doing? I'm going to pay in cash.
Me: *shows her the gift card* Well then I'll need your Reward's card.
SC: *stares at gift card, looks into wallet, finds rewards card* Oh, why did you have that then?! *shoves rewards at me*
Me:

Confusing...
Out-of-it Man: Here, I want to use this for my gas on pump two. *hands me competitor rewards card that is blue (ours is red).
Me: I'll need a [store] rewards card then. *tries to hand it back to him.*
OM: This isn't a [thanksgiving dinner on a knoll]?
Me: No. This is [store].
OM: You're sure.
Me: *looks down at my shirt that has the name, the tv behind me which has the name, takes my hat off and looks at it which has the name* Yes sir, pretty darn sure. Would you like a [store] rewards card instead?

Pet Peeves
My CW has a tendency to get mad at certain pet peeves and oftentimes if she confronts a customer the customer will never do the pet peeve ever again and surprisingly enough it almost never results in a complaint or argument (but admittedly it sometimes can.)
These pet peeves include:
Scanning your own rewards card. Not only has corporate forbade us from allowing customers to do this they have given us no power in which to enforce this. This is annoying because customers will sneakily do it and have to practically dive over the wide counter in order to do it. I've actually had a guy accidental boob graze me by doing this and I'll tell you what--he never did it again. I think it was the look of abject horror on my face and me holding my offended boob. We've taken to lifting up the scanners ever-so-slightly with a folded paper so they will not scan without the trigger being pulled so when they try to scan their card it does nothing. Then when we come back from getting their cigarettes we will then scan the card ourselves.
Throwing your money on the counter. My favorite thing she does is when she tells customers it's unlucky for them to throw their money on the counter instead of putting it in her outstretched hand. She tells them that they might want to pick it up off the counter and put it in her palm or they might get into some horrific car accident on the way out of the parking lot. (Said in the most concerned and polite of voices.) Nearly 90% of them actually pick up the money and give it to her.
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